NFC 4th Seed -- Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7)
I'm so happy the Bucs are in the playoffs. But if they think I'm heading to that stadium on Sunday, they're drinking crazy juice! I can't fit in those seats! The armrests are way too rigid. I need them to have some give. And lots of my Tampa-area friends agree. We were just talking about it the other night while dining at Houlihan's. We're not European, you know. A 20 1/2" wide seat isn't gonna cut it, Buccies!
Plus, the stadium is so big! I can't walk all those long concourses! They have mild inclines! No thank you, sir! Catwalks make me dizzy! They confiscated my inhaler last time. I nearly choked on my own larynx.
So I'm super happy you're in the playoffs, Bucs. But no way I'm making it to the game. Take heart, men. I'll be cheering you on from my orthopedic chair!