Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A Timeline of the Redskins Coaching Search

1. Joe Gibbs announces his retirement leaving the average fan unmoved. The franchise looks to be heading in the right direction and the name Bill Cowher has us cautiously optimistic.

2.We begin to realize that all of Danny's money can't lure Cowher, so Gregg Williams becomes the favorite by default.

3. Vinny Cerrato is promoted to "Executive" Vice President of Football Operations. Rumors float that Snyder offered the job to Jim Mora. Meanwhile, Gregg is left twisting in the wind after several interviews and no offer.

4. Jim Fassel's name emerges as the most likely candidate JIM FASSEL! ARE YOU SHITTING ME? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!


If (when) the official announcement is made I'll be back to try and explain things the best I can. Until then, try not to look any Washington fan directly in the eyes. We're all feeling a little froggy this week.

I already feel a rant coming on.

Chris Mottram is already loading his gun.

49 comments:

the great bambi said...

there is no rant, just a deep depression only enhanced by a bottle of scotch

Marah said...

The two coaches in the superbowl are former cast offs. Hell it looked like the Giants might be hiring a new coach halfway through this year. Fassel could turn out to be some kind of genius.

Rally Monkey Spanker said...

As a Giants fan, I can only add
A) Fassel led us to the Super Bowl
B) We had our worst years with penalties under him
C) HA HA! (Using Nelson voice)

85 said...

Hahahahaahaha!

HAHAHAHHAAHHHAHAHA!!!!!

BWAAAAHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sincerely,

Eagles fans

p.s. Eat shit, DTC.

Hustler of Culture said...

Yup, that about sums it up. I mean...Fassell...really?

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck

That Girl Jonnie said...

On behalf of all the Cowboys fans I want to co-sign on what 85 said.

Otto Man said...

Snyder's football ... keeps him sane.

Football.

Sane.

the great bambi said...

listen fans of team coached by slappy tits, you get to say nothing or BDD will post that evil picture of garrett again

Otto Man said...

I never realized how much that "Scanners" clip looked like Tobias Funke getting whacked JFK-style.

Pemulis said...

i just blue myself

ben said...

I never thought I could be so hopeful for Gregg Williams.

Eh, I think Fassel is just getting used like he did in 04. Maybe as a replacement for Saunders, but everyone would look askance if he's HC...the guy got fired from his last two jobs for crying out loud.

On the obsessive Skins fan side of things: Danny's second plane touched down in Raleigh today. That's not where Gibbs lives...

Oh, and to the Eagles fans: talk shit when you win A Super Bowl, you damn racists. And to the Cowgirl fans: you haven't won a playoff game since I was FOURTEEN. You know what the number one song on the charts was then? THE MACARENA.

the great bambi said...

high five ben

now i'm back to the bottle

Ken Dynamo said...

is gregg going to be paid more than fassel? that could get awkward.

anyway, who cares, the franchise will suck as long as dan synder is in charge. having gibbs around was your only hope of keeping him in check. too bad.

JohnDewar said...

Good, good. Who knows? Maybe Fassel gets reunited with Kerry Collins and you can corner the market on old Big 10 QBs who should not be in the league anymore.

Leaking Geek said...

Maybe Fassel can hire Billick, and, in a fit of despair 6 games into the season, fire him for lousy play calling.

Ah, suck on the irony baby!

dickey simpkins said...

So does this guarantee Billick a job now?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Bambi, I'm pretty envious of whatever lifestyle it is you lead that allows you to spend your days drinking brown liquor and commenting on football blogs.

...you're not Drew Bledsoe, are you?

J.L. White said...

Jim Fassel? Really? Hmmmm, I guess Snyder can't get Lindey Infante in for an interview....

Slash said...

I have no idea what any of this means, but those pictures are freaking my shit out.

I thought it looked like Tobias too.

Further thinking, I have a fairly long list of celebrities that I would like to see in a similar situation. I'd love to see Trump's head explode. The shitty hairpiece would emerge unscathed, of course.

Hustler of Culture said...

The thought of both Fassel and Billick being Redskin coaches makes me want to go head butt a coach. Oh wait, Richard Seymout beat me to that...

Chip Fu said...

Nooooooo Snyder! Don't hire Fassel! Cam Cameron's on the market now!

What? He is? They did? Well played Baltimore...well played.

Illegal Immigrant said...

If Dan Snyder had any real balls, he'd just ransack the Patriots organization of their best front office talent.

But no, he'd rather spend money on some two-bit hack of a coach who's only claim to fame is "this team is going to the playoffs" that saved his job for all of two seasons.

Sure he got to the Super Bowl, but seriously. I mean, come on. It's JIM FASSEL! This is like the Chargers firing Schottenheimer only to hire Norv. Except worse. Much, much worse.

FUCK!

Hustler of Culture said...

The only bright spot is that Pete Carroll said no to any interviews. As someone who lived in Boston for his tenure let me tell you, Fassell looks like Lombardi compared to him

KYle said...

Smithers, I want you to find my that dog, I'm going to make him my Executive Vice President!

Tracer Bullet said...

Wait, wait, wait. Did a fan of a team named the Redskins really just call somebody else a racist? Bwah-haa-haaa!

the great bambi said...

@ futuremrs.

government job, gotta love it



and by love it, i mean bored outta my mind simple and wish i had some brown liquid to get me through the next 2 hours

ben said...

Tracer, try Googling the surveys about that: Is the Redskins name offensive?

Then find the team with the first African American to win a Super Bowl, and the most African American fans. And yeah, I think the reaction to Donovan McNabb over the past few seasons kinda cemented that.

That said, what do I know, I'm just a damn beaner.

ben said...

That should read "African American QB."

Unlike Bambi, I can't drink on the job. This makes it difficult for me to type. Sweet liquor eases the pain.

Tracer Bullet said...

So a handful of people in a poll said the name wasn't offensive -- so what? I could find a handful of blacks who'd root for the Newark Niggers, too. That don't make it right. And considering that we're talking about the last team in the NFL to integrate (and only did so under pressure from the federal government), I go back to my original statement: Bwah-haaa-haa.

the great bambi said...

look, if they didn't want me to drink on the job they shouldn't have a bar on the 1st floor and then a mexican restaurant right next door with a happy hour


and polls have 90% of American Indians don't find Redskins offensive, but i'm sure they called 5 people and one of them was just so-so on it and that made it 90% right tracer?

Otto Man said...

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14 percent of people know that.

Chip Fu said...

...delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors. What's that? You want me to drink you? I'm in the middle of a trial...

futuremrsrickankiel said...

I feel you, Bambi... the message they're sending you is clear. I'm fairly certain the only booze readily available in the neighborhood I work in is either Old English or Colt 45 -- tasty yes, easy to hide at work not so much.

Tracer Bullet said...

I cannot believe that in 2008 I'm actually debating whether or not "Redskin" is offensive. You're rooting for a racial slur, accept this as fact. Or, hey, find a Native American (good luck with that), call him a Redskin and see what happens. Report back on your findings when you get out of traction.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Whoops, sorry, I thought we were talking about drinking, not having yet another debate about whose fans are more racist than whose.

the great bambi said...

that's cuz you're afraid of losing again futuremrs (or winning, how are we keeping score on this?)

and if you wanna drink at work ya just gotta get a shaded nalgene bottle and pour your drink of choice in before ya go to work so no matter what is sold around work you can bring in the grade A, quality stuff that kills Old English...like beast, natty, three buck chuck, or aristocrat

Christmas Ape said...

RaFlaWa!!!!!!

We'll have to put up a ticker on the sidebar indicating how much time has past since our last one.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Thanks for the helpful tips.

As a Boston fan, I take offense at the notion that any fans are more racist than we are. Haters.

the great bambi said...

you better go tell brady, welker and belichick so they can play the disrespect card again

"alright o-line and LBs, gather round, some fuckers out there say you like darkies more than they do"
"THEY'RE DEAD"

"ok d-line and DBs, gather round, those fuckers out there say they're more racist than boston, so kill them for hating you more than we do!!"

smeos said...

I grew up in Northern Canada, right by a large Native population, and all we did was fire around racial slurs at each other. It was all in good fun, and none of them gave a shit. Of course, they had more important things to worry about, like being picked up by the RCMP in the middle of winter and dumped outside of town with no shoes on . . .

the great bambi said...

but you're from canada and play football on a 110 yard field, you don't count


(KSK, bringing the world together)

ben said...

Tracer, believe it or not, I dated a Native American girl for more than two years. She was a passionate Redskins fan, despite the fact that she grew up in the Dakotas, BECAUSE OF THE NAME. She hated the Cowboys with the strength of a thousand suns. She owned it the way I own every name they've ever thrown at Puerto Ricans: with pride.

I don't get who died and made you king of what ethnic/cultural pride is okay and what isn't. I mean, you can sing for the Fighting Irish if you're drunk and Irish, or root for the Steelers if you work in a mill, or cheer for the Nimrods if you're mentally retarded, but something that 90% of Native Americans say is totally cool, that just goes too far.

But hey, if you want to just go on a politically correct rampage, KSK is totally the place to do it. What with them being total sellouts and all.

Brady's a douchebag said...

Native American could give a shit about this silly ass debate over political correctness. They're working on building that casino near FedEx Field.

Rally Monkey Spanker said...

Not trying to change the subject or anything, but it looks like Fassel is the Redskins new coach.

I think I speak for all Giants fans when I say, no matter how bad we play, we can do no worse than 3rd place for the next few years.

the great bambi said...

fuck you rally monkey there is no deal for fassel so for at least the next few hours...there is a God

Phatty said...

Ben, a Skins fan, calling eagles fans racist. That's rich.

Phatty said...

I see this guy's irony has been covered already. I'll read before I post next time.

Rally Monkey Spanker said...

Don't worry Bambi, no matter how bad it gets, it could always be worse.

The Ravens just announced Cam Cameron as their new OC. He must have really made an impression on them in their lone win.

BEHM777 said...

Fassel? Snyder's an idiot for firing Williams and Saunders. What that team needs is continuity (and a general manager). Alas, it is all my fault for not being born fabulously well-to-do and buying the team myself. I offer my humblest apology.