Thursday, January 10, 2008

Ruined Romo vs. Evil Eli. WHO YA GOT?

The divisional round seems like a unnecessary matter of course before we get served our respective regular season rematch conference title games of Packers-Cowboys and Colts-Patriots. Therefore, we're fed a plateful of tepid rivalries this weekend, so we have to go with the one that has the best chance of being a good game (that's a lie: actually Packers-Seahawks is probably the most even game of the weekend, but I find it boring). But this is the NFC East, so there's
history. Or, more accurately, there are two goofy quarterbacks who are subjects of running jokes. So, WHO YA GOT?


Tony Romo___________Elisha Manning

Owes success to

Miscegenation_______Faint stubble (new), family name (milked for all time)

Distracted by

Jessica Simpson_________Big-time squash tournament he's missing

Will need

Terrell Owens_____Coaches to ransom his dirtbike a little longer

Leads the league in

Smiles, by gum SMILES AS BIG AS ALL OUTDOORS_____Insincere half-smirks

Hoping to overcome

Past playoff flub__________Limited interest in the game

Rock Band role

On guitar, ebullience_______Vocals, flustered shrugs

Finishing move

Saving Wade's job_______Just doing enough to keep his own


Unsilent Majority said...

$20 on the clean-cut white boy.

Leaking Geek said...



Christ Ape, did you eat the Dictionary/Thesaurus combo or just rub it real hard on your crotch last night?!?!?

Nonetheless, I stand in awe of the prowess of your vocabulary.

SlideShow Bob said...

ahh but has Romo taken a weird photo with Ufford?

mary smith said...

i like to think romo's finishing move is the picture of his past playoff flub.

larry b said...

Romo ate a big one in Seattle last year and everyone gave him a free pass. Unpunished failure leads to more failure. I got fifty on Elisha, just because he's probably more afraid his teammates will beat the shit out of him if he loses.

cyberspaceman said...

Eli should have gone into insurance.

Awful Chief said...

Eli: Football is a religion and I am a false prophet!
Romo: I'm an oil man!

The Last Unitard said...

I find Eli's smirks to be genuine. In fact, I don't think he can make any other facial expression.

Slash said...

I see Romo and that retard he's screwing - um, dating - so often on TV now they may as well be camped out in my fucking living room. I kinda want the Cowboys to lose just because of that. Oh, and to dash the dreams of Jerry Jones.

To save J4B the trouble of telling me, I'm already fucking off.

miamidiesel said...

@leaking geek: between this and the Emo Eagles fan post, I'm wondering if Ape got the same vocabulary builder audio tape that Homer got instead of "Subliminally Slim."

Also, I'm with Maj - $20 on the clean-cut white boy, which, given the antics of Romo's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma, obviously means Eli Manning.

smeos said...

I hope that these two teams bash the shit out of each other so that after Brett Favre shits himself at Lambeau my Seahawks can get a free pass to be dismantled by the Patriots juggernaut.

My only prayer is that Patrick Kerney can shatter Tom Brady's knee like my grandma's whiskey glass on Christmas Day.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Thank for for fucking off slash, really appreciate it. I hate that succubus Simpson and her pimp daddy. That dude might be able to give silky a run for his money, especially in New England.

Once TO heals up and helps Super Romo beat the Midgets then all will be right in the world. Then all Cowboys haters can gobble a whole napsack full of dicks.

The Captain said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Captain said...

I got Romessica.

Here's why.