Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Goodnight, Sweet Prince



It's been announced that Joe Gibbs 2.0 will retire at a press conference this afternoon. Even in the rocky years of the Gibbs comeback we owe a lot of thanks to the legendary coach/preacher. We thank him for two playoff seasons, we thank him for his leadership in the wake of Sean Taylor's murder, but mostly, we thank him for leaving. We'll always love our coach Gibbs but clearly the time had come. From the handcuffed offense, to the blown leads, and befuddled timeouts/challenges, it was clear that his time had come and gone.

So now my Redskins find themselves at a crossroads. They're $25 million over next year's cap and Gregggg Williams reportedly has a clause in his contract that makes him the overwhelming favorite to become the next head coach. So what's next for the Redskins?



OH SHIT! JESUS CHRIST, DON'T LEAVE JOE, WE STILL LOVE YOU! WE'LL LET YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!

You can challenge all of the obvious fumbles you want. Feel like calling back-to-back timeouts? Have at it! Hell, I'll even let all of the Jesus bullshit slide for another season or so, just don't leave us with that smarmy prick in charge of our franchise!

Fine, go shove your hands down Dale Jr's Wranglers, you old fuck! We don't need you, we have Tom Fucking Cruise on our side!

I feel like Richie Tenenbaum at Wimbledon.

32 comments:

Hustler of Culture said...

Please no Gregg Williams. Oh God please no.

And please no college coaches.

And please no Al Saunders.

smeos said...

Your team is fucked, dude.

Still, you guys can probably ride the Todd Collins pony until he gets old and shitty . . .

Burma Jones said...

TMQ thinks Gregg Williams would be a fine pick. Anyone who spells their name with two G's has the TMQ seal of approval.

devang said...

So is Gibbs going to be sent out with a 21 gun salute?

grungedave said...

but... but... but... he's tastefully named!!!

Awful Chief said...

I thought many times over those four years how God must have looked down and said, "Man, I made a great football coach."

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

And on the seventh day Joe rested.

Big Daddy Drew said...

"We"?

I know I don't give a fuck about your retard team.

Steven said...

ugh, i knew Gibbs coming back was a mistake and now we are going to be stuck with Williams. Actually, the coach isn't the problem, its the midget Tom Cruise-loving owner. Dig up Jack Kent Cooke!

BC Funderburk said...

gibbs depature only highlights how bad this organization has been run under Danny-boy. that being said, as a Broncos fan who lives in the DC market, I love watching the redskins offseason circus! bring out the clowns and let the party begin...

smurphette said...

"There's obviously something wrong with him. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks, and . . . actually I think he's crying."

Ken Dynamo said...

now gibbs can go back to coaching NASCAR, which is far less complicated for him: left! left! left! left!

good job coach, you know just what call to make!

dcsooner said...

Stefen Djordjevic will lead Snyder's entertainment franchise.

BTW, that dude crying was an Italian and had no Native American heritage.

the great bambi said...

@ BDD

as opposed to your retard franchise that employs Major Dad, Tavaris Jackson, Brooks Bollinger, gives us the Love Boat, and no Super Bowl titles?

yeah, i'm pissed right now

wrecking_ball said...

But Junior races for Hendrick, not Gibbs!

I'll show myself out.

Christmas Ape said...

Why dig up Cooke? All of his mistresses are still alive.

quiet strength said...

Oh, you all know that it's just going to be Marty's return...

Punch Rockgroin said...

Wade Phillips may be looking for work next year...

Wouldn't that be fun?

twoeightnine said...

Ha ha haha. Have fun with the O.GG.

ben said...

I hate to break with a fellow Skins fan, but I'd be disappointed in anyone except Williams.

Williams never got a fair shake in Buffalo - they've only sucked worse since he left there - and his defensive unit was the most consistent aspect of a very inconsistent team. They had one down year, two good years, and one awesome year. The players love and respect him, and if he's not the coach, I fear they'll bring on a new staff that just starts over from scratch and squanders the young talent they've built over the last few years in Cooley, Rogers, McIntosh, Landry, Golston, Montgomery, Alexander, Blades, and especially Campbell. And keep in mind, guys like Moss, Evans, Smoot, Washington, Cartwright, and Randle El are all 28, so they've got a window of opportunity that'll disappear if they blow the whole thing up.

This is now the most serious comment I will ever make on KSK. I'm glad that's over.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

1. You don't need Jack Kent Cooke you need Edward Bennett Williams, he got Jimmy Hoffa off and brought Lomabardi to RFK.

2. This is a perfect depiction of every Skins fan inside the beltway (it's impossibly to improve on this tribute to the citizens of Northern Virginia"). But all of you, ALL OF YOU have this delusion that despite showing nothing but mediocrity the team will somehow be great every year, and then when they are inevitably sub-par to terrible you're outraged. Richie Tenenbaum is far too dignified for you're kind Ape, try Happy Gilmore, the Gibbs thing being the intercom scene.

I'd call it bandwagon fandom, but it's been going on since Mark Rypien. It's not like St. Louis where everyone is a bandwagon fan from a single superbowl (I apologize to the two true hardcore Jerome Bettis fans). But Christ, I've never seen an entire fanbase so dedicated and still completely emotionally detached from reality.

3. AND now you have Tom fucking Cruise? That should leave Redskins fans well-adjusted.

Scott said...

tech n9ne = Best. Comment. Ever.

twoeightnine said...

Please, please tell me which year was Gregggg's awesome year? And which two years were his good years? Was it his first season when they went 3-13? How about 8-8 the next year? Maybe it was his final year when they went 6-10?

The fucking stupendous Mike Mularkey at least led the Bills to a 9-7 record his first year.

smurphette said...

Wow, I'm pretty sure this post was written by the Maj, and that Ape is Steelers fan. But it's probably really easy to confuse the two biggest homers on this site.

Comicbook Guy said...

you meant homo's, right?

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Unintentional hilarity and disrespect. I'm sorry? I'll say this though, I'd still rather be a delusional hockey player making sexual promises to a geriatric Asian woman than go to Pittsburgh.

I'm sorry maj, I hope this makes it better.

JAMMQ said...

Marty-ball, Marty-ball, Marty-ball, Marty-ball . . .

Awful Chief said...

But all of you, ALL OF YOU have this delusion that despite showing nothing but mediocrity the team will somehow be great every year, and then when they are inevitably sub-par to terrible you're outraged.

So when your team has a mediocre or good season, it's crazy to be outraged when they are less than mediocre the following year? I'm as pessimistic a fan as you'll find (Lions fan), but that's because my team is always terrible. The Skins actually make the playoffs sometimes, so isn't it normal for their fans to expect continued success after a decent year?

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

@ awful chief

You're coming from a level of craptastic suckiness I can barely comprehend. Let me try to explain, this would be like you declaring at the start of each season the Lions will go 8-8 (Redskins=Superbowl lock), and then when you lose in week three to the Vikings (Redskins=Eagles) you curse Kitna and Jesus to hell (Redskins=Gibbs), but you don't stop there, you pledge your undying allegiance to Satan begin human sacrifice, and leave downtown Detroit looking somehow more like a post-apocalyptic 8-mile backdrop (Redskins=Get wasted at Dave and Busters).

But then next week you still think you're going to go 8-8 despite the fact that you're the LIONS (Redskins=Have terrible player development and a coaching staff from the paleolithic era who are clearly high).

Christmas Ape said...

Homer? Me?

Oh yeah. Homer me.

ben said...

@twoeightnine:

You idjit, I meant in Washington.

Three times in the top ten defenses (3rd, 9th, 5th), once not. You look at the schemes he came up with to smother Purple Jesus - despite being out five defensive starters - and you have to concede the man's a good D coordinator.

Now, he may - like Norv - prove to be a terrrrrrible HC, but my point is he's earned the shot with his performance over the past 4 years.

twoeightnine said...

Be clearer on that moron...
But please, do hire him. The Bills hired him because he was a great D coordinator. The Titans gave up the third fewest points in NFL history and made it to the Super Bowl with him. Of course as soon as he took over the Bills they went from being a top 3 defense to the 21st defense.

He has already proven to be a terrible head coach. I just hope you like punting.