Friday, January 25, 2008

Your Friday Afternoon Cheers And Jeers


CHEERS to my new recliner, a purchase suggested by my orthopedist. Is it worth two months of horrid sciatica to hear a doctor mandate that you buy a La-Z-Boy? Fuck and yes.

JEERS to no games this week. We’ve gone over this ground already. But seriously, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? Don’t even talk to me about fucking college basketball right now. I can’t even begin to look at that shit until March.

CHEERS to having a Wii in my office this afternoon.

JEERS to Guitar Hero III. The whole reason I don’t play guitar is because I lack coordination. Why have virtual guitaring if it’s just as fucking hard? Double JEERS for not giving me points for taking my cock out during gameplay. YOU. ARE. FAGS.

CHEERS to Leitch for his new book, on sale here. It’s certain to outsell the Gawker Guide To Conquering All Media, which, in an ironic twist, conquered no media of any sort.

JEERS to Heath Ledger’s death. Surely it’s no coincidence that, in his final role, he pretty much looks just like The Crow. And double JEERS to Mary-Kate Olsen for not picking up the goddamn phone. Bitch, you aren’t working. Quit staring at things like a cat and pick it up.

CHEERS to Hillary Clinton for her inevitable win in South Carolina tomorrow. Yes, just like the Democrats to choose a nominee 50% of the nation already can’t fucking stand. Nicely done, retards.

JEERS to me for bring up politics.

CHEERS to eggs. Oh, savory eggs. How I adore your yolky silkiness on a weekend morning. If you’re against abortion, should you eat eggs? I say no.

JEERS to me for bringing up politics again.

CHEERS to these cheerleader gals in bikinis on a Friday afternoon. Everyone in the water! Whee!!!!

JEERS to non-sequiturs.


20 comments:

MMP said...

Goddammit, Drew.

Fuck you for bringing up Hillary in the Dick Joke Zone.

MMP said...

Yeah, I should have finished reading that whole thing.

Sorry, bud.

Pemulis said...

god, this is just so back and forth. picture of a hot girl, then talk of hill-rod. then talk of an olsen twin, then picture of a hot girl. STOP CONFUSING MY WEINER!

dick_gozinia said...

Where is the Tommy Thompson tag?

Rally Monkey Spanker said...

Like most of the books I've read, I only look at the pictures and ignore the written words.

Bonus for books with pictures I don't have to color.

And which one was supposed to be Herschel Walker?

denvergodfather said...

Is the girl on top Naomi Watts? Does it really matter?

Phony Gwynn said...

@denvergodfather

That's what I thought too.

Sciatica blows whale jizz. Had it for almost a year. PT didn't work. Everybody said "Don't get surgery, don't get surgery." So I get surgery, and guess what? All fucking better.

People are stupid.

peytonloveskenny said...

Obama is ahead of HRC in the SC polls. I am an asshole for pointing that out.

Evan said...

Store-bought eggs are unfertilized, you aren't killing an animal to eat them.

However, anti-abortionists should be denied eggs on the grounds that they are delicious and religious nutjobs should suffer.

Pemulis said...

Or they can have eggs but can only use utensils fashioned out of wire hangers

Otto Man said...

That bottom shot is racktacular.

God bless you, my son.

roy said...

"I understand that there is a working lady in Tijuana who will identify the brand of tequilla her john has been drinking by the flavor of his man seed. If she guesses wrong, the transaction is on the house.

This and many other interesting anecdotes are not included in this book. Deadspin readers are sophomoric idiots and will purchase anything Will Leitch is associated with, including his ill advised stint in poorly lit twink movies."

Gee--sound like anyone we know?

1972DavidBowieFromTheZiggyStardustTour said...

I'm pretty sure the top picture is Jewel.



I hate my life.

Matt said...

Those egg council creeps got to you too, eh?

larry b said...

I mostly like Guitar Hero III and don't think it's that hard (BDD you must have fat fingers), but JEERS to it for having a fucking god-awful lineup of songs.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

JEERS to the Draconian new content filters at my work for blocking out this fine website.

CHEERS to having a plethora of personalities to meet and crackpot Superbowl picks to read as I [plan for a glamorous night out].*


*read: watch SVU reruns and eat Mexican food

Unsilent Majority said...

Will has a book?!?! Where can I obtain a copy?

p.s. I'm planning on showing up at a book signing with a copy of Catch.

From the other side of town said...

horrid sciatica ~ Why all you youngsters out there have been denied the benefits of a Rohrer 714.

Hey, don't question me, question the FDA.

Mike said...

Jeers- BDD for being politically fucking retarded.....didnt see that 28 point victory coming????? stick to football

Tom Holzerman said...

Barack Obama called. He says thanks for endorsing Chairman Hilary and says that he wishes you keep endorsing her.