Sean Taylor Memorial Measts of the Week -- Conference Championships

I'll admit that I'm a late adapter in personal technology, but I'm always bemused with the way new developments in home video are advertised. I was watching the DVD of Eagle vs. Shark earlier and the menu is preceded by one of those ads for Blu-ray or HD DVD discs in which they try to show you how super crisp the picture could be if only your broke ass went out and plunked down some cash on a new gadget.

But how the fuck is my dated DVD player supposed to illustrate that? If anything, I'm thinking "Hey, that looks remarkably similar to the picture my DVD has. The fuck needs this Blu-ray shit?" We already went through this once with the videotape-to-DVD transition. I remember, beginning around '98, every movie would come accompanied some annoying intro that began, "Dee. Vee. Dee. Welcome to the future in home entertainment." Then they'd show a bunch of clips of classic movies, as though the picture had somehow improved. That's probably why I waited until last week to get one.

The same thing applies with HDTV. Stop showing footage of supposedly enhanced video on my television, only accompanied by sweeping audio whooshes that are supposed to trick me into thinking it's different.

Anyway, the remainder of this post is in KSK HD (wwwhhhhooooosssshhhh), so the typos and bad jokes will be all the more glaring.

Your NFC co-Meast is Plaxico Burress, who pretty much made Packers' corner Al Harris his simpering mange-infested bitch to the tone of 11 catches for 151 yards, despite Harris having to resort to tackling Plax in coverage and flashing his dong as a feeble attempt at establishing dominance.

Much is being made of Eli Manning's arrival as something above a self-immolating squash player moonlighting as a quarterback, but, to this Steelers fan, seeing Burress having a big game when it counts is no less mindblowing (or rankling).

Your AFC co-Meast is Philip Rivers, who - whether you think he was helping his team or not - played through an entire playoff game without an ACL (pfft -- Hines Ward does that all the time) in his right knee.

Deprived as well of a healthy Antonio Gates, Rivers struggled in the redzone but still nearly pulled off the upset. Meanwhile, pussyfooting, three-pick-throwing Tom Brady had his Australian booting shoe on after a pumice foot scrub gone awry. Perhaps it was his first foray into foot binding. How else will he fit into the new spring fashions?