Sunday, January 13, 2008

Another Glorious Manning/Marmalard Face-off

It's game one of Manning Sunday featuring that older accomplished pitchman brother, Pey-Pey. He can sell you the coat off your own back at twice value. In fact, he keeps a collection of knockoff Rolexes under his jersey if you're looking for one.

The Chargers have won their last two against Indy, including the Nov. 11 regular season contest, in which Pey-Pey famously sold the defense a whopping six beachfront interceptions and Adam Vinatieri botched a chip shot that cost them the game. What will take to get that guy to stop choking?

Not having to rely this time on Craphonso Thorpe at wideout, the Colts will have certainly more reliable, if less hilariously named, receivers this time around. Meanwhile, the roof of the RCA Dome may be opened because no one enclosure can contain the doucheiness that is Marmalard.

52 comments:

futuremrsrickankiel said...

What a spectacular juxtaposition of photographs. Just as much of the light that we perceive as "starlight" is in reality an energy byproduct of two stars exerting gravitational pulls on one another, so is the douche-tacularity of each QB on his own enhanced by proximity to the other. The result: a blinding, potentially retina-scarring visual representation of asininity.

uh, I mean

RARGH FOOTBALL

Jim said...

The best thing about this game is that the either the Chargers or Colts will lose today. In spite of myself, because few things warm the heart like hearing LT et al whine about losing a playoff game (stay classy San Diego!), I have to root for the Chargers just so Dad of the Year Dungy loses in his final NFL game (?). I might move to Tampa just so I can throw Bibles through his windows on Halloween.

mike said...

Greg Marmalard: Come outta there, you bastards!
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: [in falsetto] Who is it?
Greg Marmalard: You know damn well who it is.
Eric 'Otter' Stratton: I'm sorry. You'll have to come back later. I'm doing the dishes

Jelly B. Good said...

if the marmalites lose this one norv is toast for sure... maybe they'll dig up dick nolan to coach next year.

Tom Holzerman said...

futuremrsrickankiel... Are you sure you're not an Emo Eagle? :p

Anyway, I'm disappointed in this post. You should have had Marmalard disrupt one of Manning's Priceless Pep Talks

Christmas Ape said...

You'll have to settle for this, Tom

Since only 18,000 people have e-mailed it to me this week. You'll get a Marmalard post last this week.

smurphette said...

"Meanwhile, the roof of the RCA Dome may be opened because no one enclosure can contain the doucheiness that is Marmalard."

Heh, word. That must be why the new digs has a retractable roof. LET'S GO COLTS!!

Mike said...

I think I'm frightened by the fact that this was actually insightful and not a joke.

allie said...

much like the cowboys/giants game, the only acceptable outcome here is for both teams to lose. ugh.

I guess I could tolerate a san diego win, as long as I still got to see rivers throw a hissy fit and/or LT cry.

allie said...

okay... peyton is hawking double stuf oreos now? for serious?

smurphette said...

@allie: I'm imagining Drew, Ufford, and Ape giggling to themselves about the gift they've just been given.

Christmas Ape said...

Whatever do you mean? Nothing farcical about that ad.

smurphette said...

And there's Marmalard's first pick of the day . . .

Sam Handwich said...

What kind of manager would let their clients lick a cookie for 20 seconds on TV? and to end the commercial with cream on their face? And to have their father just looking on. C'mon!

Christmas Ape said...

Dallas Fucking Clark is owning shit.

The Pirate Sloth said...

I never want to see either Manning licking ANYTHING, ever again.

Christmas Ape said...

Will there be any incompletions next week?

Christmas Ape said...

Oh, MarHar.

smurphette said...

Oh god, no, Marvin.

Christmas Ape said...

I'm pretty sure that was back-to-back delay of games there, Marmalard.

Nate said...

It's hard not to "aw-shucks" the jimmy stewartesque goofiness of Manning, but I'm SO FUCKING TIRED of seeing a new commercial pop up every day with PeyPay in it.

I'm pretty sure the US/Chinese trade deficit could be erased if PeyPay donated half his endorsements salary.

dickey simpkins said...

Since when did Vincent Jackson start catching passes? Jeez, how ansty is Manning going to be now with his pre-snap vodoo dance.

Christmas Ape said...

Merriman had a better chance of popping the ball than catching the pick.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Is that Manu Manu The Slender?

Christmas Ape said...

I'd rather see more Manning Bros. DSRL ads than more of these overproduced HBO-knockoff spots the lineup of shows on various networks. First, FX; now, CBS.

Christmas Ape said...

Bob Sanders is not very smart.

SlideShow Bob said...

Nate Keading is money in the playoffs, if u bet against him that is.

smurphette said...

Oh, fuck me sideways.

Christmas Ape said...

'bout time Cromartie got a pick this year.

Christmas Ape said...

Mind-bogglingly terrible call. Like I said, the NFL will do anything in its power to assure the Pats and Colts play next week.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Horrible, HORRIBLE call.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Should we just root for the Manning/Manning Super Bowl?

dickey simpkins said...

So how many breaks are the Colts going to get in the 2nd half now? Jesus NFL try to not make it look so obvious you want the Pats/Colts game next week.

dickey simpkins said...

Also it's stupid to give them the calls because it gives dipshit Pats fans more ammo and whatnot.

smurphette said...

I want to die.

smurphette said...

TD or no, that was a nifty move by Reggie.

Christmas Ape said...

Haven't there been enough injuries in this game? Stop breaking people's knees, Reggie.

Jelly B. Good said...

Dan Dierdorf gives big stupid people a bad name...

John John The Bastard said...

It may just be my TV but why does it sound like they are playing inside of a Didgeridoo?

Christmas Ape said...

john john:

+ a lot

smurphette said...

@johnjohn: It's not just your TV.

Jelly B. Good said...

hey smurphette... the "nice" folks in Indy boo a 14 year old girl cause she's wearing a Pats jersey? tsk tsk... what a bunch of Indyholes (gotta work on my insults)...

smurphette said...

Wow, I really can't believe they called that pass interference earlier. I am kind of embarrassed.

@jelly: Um, it's a football game, and it's the playoffs. If she's that sensitive, maybe she shouldn't have entered a football contest.

smurphette said...

DALLAS FUCKING CLARK IS A PIMP

Christmas Ape said...

smurphette: there is a new thread, fyi

smurphette said...

Thanks for the heads-up. You'll forgive me if I have been a bit distracted.

rustytrombone said...

Rivers jsut won you fuucks! HA eat that Shit!

Spatula said...

Marmalard "grammaticas" himself. What a douche.

Dusty said...

Rivers didn't win you jackass, the backup QB did.

Steve said...

So that was the Volek who three those 3 TDs? Come on, Marmalard deserves just a little credit.

Sonic Tooth said...

Marmalard "deserves" just a little credit for being the most prick-tastic QB in the league.

Steve said...

Give him credit for that too if you like, but he still lit it up yesterday.