Tuesday, January 22, 2008

KSK Celebrity Pickkake: The Fed


The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of, as we have in the past. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in the Pink Taco! Up next, it's the Federal Reserve!

The Federal Open Market Committee has decided to set its target for the professional football championship as follows: New England 41, New York 35.

The Committee took this action in view of a weakening of the defensive personnel of both clubs and increasing downside risks to offensive ejaculation. While strains in short-term ball control have eased somewhat, broader conditions have continued to deteriorate and point scoring has showed tightening like the anus of a small, traumatized child. Moreover, incoming information indicates a deepening of passing-game contraction as well as some softening in offensive line play.

With that in mind, The Federal Open Market Committee has decided to revise its target for the professional football championship as follows: New England 21, New York 17.

The Committee expects officiating to moderate in coming quarters, but it will be necessary to continue to monitor masturbatory developments carefully.

Appreciable downside risks to passing on first down remain. The Committee will continue to assess the effects of slower white players and other developments on special teams and will act in a timely manner as needed to address those risks.

And, in keeping with that timeliness, The Federal Open Market Committee has decided to re-revise its target for the professional football championship as follows: New England 10, New York 3.

14 comments:

Otto Man said...

Vegas just shifted the line three-quarters of a point.

jforks said...

I think the Fed would speak of Tom Brady much more dove-ishly than you do.

Captain Caveman said...

Less thinking, more dick jokes!

-tech n9ne's tribute to falco

peter king crowned my ass said...

Alan Greenspan would never have adjusted his pick like that.

the great bambi said...

Alan Greenspan wouldn't have allowed a Gentile to write the report either, Unsilent got screwed in this one by that self-hating Bobby Fisher-wannabe Ben Bernanke.

Tom said...

Wow, as a econ major I found that to be the funniest thing I've ever seen on this site...

Brady's a douchebag said...

Did the Fed consider the impact of the walking boot on Brady's foot and the impact of Eli's vaginal secretions when confronted by several large daaawkies?

Suss said...

At least when Jim Cramer makes financial humor he uses sound effects.

Pemulis said...

his movie sucked though.

grungedave said...

who do the Giants have to cut to get Lumbergh's stock to go up that quarter of a point?

JJ said...

I resent your implication that I wouldn't get this. It's about something moderately to massively homosexual, right?

Maybe I should go back and read it again...

JJ said...

Upon secondary review, it appears to have something to do with clueless financiers projecting their fantasies upon large men in tight pants. Thus, I stand corrected.

Leaking Geek said...

While strains in short-term ball control have eased somewhat, broader conditions have continued to deteriorate and point scoring has showed tightening like the anus of a small, traumatized child.

...or Marmalard when entering the "Mobile Rape Chamber".

/Shows self out

Russell K said...

Emmitt Smith does not fully understand this hypotenuse.