Friday, January 18, 2008

Sean Taylor Memorial Meast Of The Week – Divisional Round

Earlier this week, we had a bit of fun with our Tom Brady retirement hoax. It really, really pissed some people off on the ol’ message boards. Here are two fine examples:

This is just another Pats hater wanting to see the end of our success.

How big of a fuckin dweeb is big daddy drew? He writes angry. I bet he got head slapped in high school by guys that actually got real pussy. He's still bitter. Also; I think it's awesome when KSK plays at the Deadspin controls all weekend and links themselves.

Oh yeah. That’s-a good hatin’. But you know, there’s no reason YOU can’t get in on the fun as well. Lots of people like to wait until April 1st to spring a practical joke. Well, that’s just dumb. Everyone KNOWS it’s coming then. No, no. Far better to just do it out of the fucking blue. I’ll give you an example from about five years ago. One day, apropos of nothing, I dialed up my friend Jeremy at work.

Jeremy: Hello?

Me: Hey.

Jeremy: Hey.

Me: Dude, did you know Joe Montana died?

Jeremy: He did? When?

Me: Just saw it on the news now. Dropped dead of a heart attack. So sad.

Jeremy: Jesus, that sucks. I don't see it on

Me: Eh, probably just breaking on TV. I'm sure it'll be online soon. Anyway, gotta go. Just wondering if you had heard.

Jeremy: Okay, bye.

Jeremy then told everyone in his office the news. My phone rang ten minutes later.

Me: Hello?

Jeremy: Dude, why are you such a fucking asshole?

You see how that works? It helps if your friend is incredibly gullible, as Jeremy is. The secret is to make sure it’s not someone obvious who died. Like Britney Spears. That wouldn’t work. But Dennis Miller? Oh yeah.

So go forth and piss someone off today, you merry pranksters, you.

Your Meast of the Week is Atari Bigby Ryan Grant of the Packers.

Atari hits people really hard, and I like that. Grant ran for 201 yards and scored three touchdowns. Very measty. Did you know he died yesterday? It’s true!


Christmas Ape said...

Drew died writing this post. We put it up for him.

Captain Caveman said...

I helped ya out there, Drew.

lieutenant winslow said...

atari bigby played high school ball with andre johnson, roscoe parrish and udonis haslem... all of whom died yesterday

85 said...

That post was awe-

//empties bowels

Clock Cleaner said...

bobby fischer died. or is that not obvious enough?

Upstate Underdog said...

hey Ape, Ernie Holmes died. Sadly, this is not a joke.

Christmas Ape said...

And yet Earl Holmes lives?

The Last Unitard said...

You guys aren't going to believe this, but John and Sherlock Holmes not only didn't die today, but they're expecting twins!

Guiness319 said...

This one worked on a whole bar last week:

Me: Ya know who died yesterday?
Them: Who?
Me: Lorena Bobbit. Car Wreck.
Them: Really? What happened?
Me: Some dick cut her off!

Oh the irony!

/showing self out

Michael said...

Did someone say meast?¤t=0116081528.jpg

TK said...

I'm one of those Boston douchebags, but try to limit my douchiness. Last year I was at a store and someone came in gasping, and said "Manny just got traded!"

Everyone bought it. That man deserves a medal. Priceless.

smurphette said...

He has been one of the few bright spots for Domers this year, and he's the reason I'm cheering for the Packers now that the Colts are done. That, and I totally hate both AFC finalists.

the george said...

Seriously though, how the fuck do you pleasure a woman with a red snapper?xzjlqcx

Russell K said...

Did you guys know Bobby Fischer died?

/am I doin it rite

fallex said...

Martina Navratilova died....

They found her face down in Ricki Lake.

Sam said...

I'm making my friends furious with the Montana story right now... As we speak, google is being overwhelmed with searches for "joe montana dead".

Thanks. That's fucking awesome.

Undead Zombie Horde said...

wow. you have inspired me.

This exchange just occurred via email to my gullible friend who is an Eagles fan (redundant, I know).

UZH: "McNabb AND Trent Cole traded to Chicago for two 1st round picks for 2008/2009 Rex Grossman and Bernard Berrian."


UZH: "yeah, it’s crazy. I can't send you the link since you won’t be able to open it at work, but its up on McNabb demanded to be traded immediately."


I now wait by the phone wait for the "you are such a fucking asshole" call. Frankly I think he deserves it for being an Eagles fan and always typing in caps. Dick.

Mike said...

Sam, your friends haven't cracked Google Trends yet. Gotta get more people with this.

Undead Zombie Horde said...


Gullible Friend: "YOU ARE BREAKING MY BALL$"

UZH: "You're just such an easy mark..."


The Pirate Sloth said...

Oh yeah Drew?!? Well my favroite Atari game was Moonsweeper. That's right, Moonsweeper.

naptown drew said...


It's better to to cheer for the fellated rather than the fellators.

naptown drew said...

By the way, is it so wrong that I once planned a Warlords tournament for one of my own elementary school birthday parties because I knew I would destroy everybody in it?

From the other side of town said...

Who doesn't like getting their head slapped by pussy?

tuluse said...

Anyone who falls for the Bears trading for Trent Cole deserves practical jokes played on them.

My Insignificant Life said...

it's always funny until someone loses and eye, or dies, or gets traded to the Eagles.

MartinTheMerciless said...

This just in. Georgia Frontiere found dead. Ghost of Carroll Rosenbloom sought by police as "person of interest."

gerry dorsey said...

eddie izzard:

"hey did you hear?? engelbert humperdinck died."