The American Gladiators That Didn't Make The Cut
With the resurrection of American Gladiators last night came a new incarnation of the Gladiators themselves, this time with more moody lycra and ridiculous scripted quips before the start of certain events. Not to say that the show is overproduced or anything, but at one point I was certain that they were going to start opening briefcases.
The 12 Gladiators selected for the second coming were hand-picked by NBC producers out of thousands of applicants, not only for their aptitude in pumping iron, but in pumping out "dialogue" as well. Naturally, some of the applicants came up short of being the total package that the show was seeking. Join us as we take a gander at some of the would-be Gladiators that didn't make the cut.
Boron
Real name/hometown: Chester Queensbury, Latrobe, Pennsylvania.
Personal Dream: To make enough money to buy a house in Hollywood with doorways big enough to walk through without turning sideways.
Reason Rejected From The Show: Subject to extreme and uncontrollable fits of rage, especially after a Steelers loss. 
Sting
Real name/hometown: Svetlana Federov, Sacremento, CA, by way of Moscow, Russia.
Personal Dream: "To be meeting strong Ameddican man and bed heem and to be having him in marriage wit mee unteel I keel him in meeddle of lovemaking."
Reason Rejected From The Show: Failed STD test.
Tibia
Real name/hometown: Tia Bay, Vancouver, British Columbia.
Personal Dream: To lose another ten pounds
Reason Rejected From The Show: Actually made the cut, but was replaced when producers announced that she was a no-show for the first tape (Actually, she was there, but she was turned sideways and nobody could see her).
Immenstral
Real name/hometown: Katherine (nee Kyle) Martinsen, Dayton, Ohio.
Personal Dream: Natural lubrication, getting medical bills paid off (tie)
Reason Rejected From The Show: Unable to get waiver signed by her physician.
Superchub, Cowbell, Hollywood, Kenmore, Big Pete
Real names/hometown: Joey, Jason, Joshua, Jerry, and Stephen Franklin, Philadelphia.
Personal Dream: Co-ownership of upscale hamburger restaurant.
Reason Rejected From The Show: Kept trying to light their farts on the flaming apparatus above the pool on the Eliminator.
19 comments:
All of them are more attractive than Fury.
This is the most disgusting collection of human beings I've ever seen. Except that one time I was in Erie, PA.
Siren is hot.
The skinny one made me puke a little bit.
Looks like Big Pete has found something to help him get over the rejection.
Emeril (Hollywood) already has too many shows.
I don't want more Cowbell.
Where does one purchase a Spandex one-piece with the entire chest area cut out? And in such a vast range of colors, too? I'd love one to wear to my office New Year's party on Friday. Perhaps with those hooker/Spartan shoes on the Russian babe.
Why don't I get more of my fashion tips from this website?
No "Geez Punter that's just wrong" tag?
"Sting" is still hotter and less ripped than most female pro tennis players.
That is how Shawne Merriman would look in his dream world, bereft of the evil Roger Goddell and his fascist Pee Police.
As an avid connoisseur of crap TV, I caught five minutes of this last night. Sadly, I couldn't take any more. Even as a chance to rubberneck at a trainwreck of human tragedy, it was unwatchable.
Eli-running-the-hurry-up unwatchable.
i forgot this was on because there was 3 hours of iron chef america on at the same time. i'm sure i'll catch at least some of it tonight... from everything i've heard, it sounds like it was great!
are #s 1 and 3 actual real human beings? jesus fuck.
Did anyone think that Crush was pretty freakin hot!?
-Magglio
http://applesandmoustaches.blogspot.com/
Crush is easily the hottest Gladiator.
I would gladly hit it with either Siren or Crush (preferably Siren). Though either of them would hit me much harder. ZING!
Heh.
Some of those pics are funny.
http://raysbaseball.blogspot.com
funny, yet wrong, so so wrong.
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