Saturday, January 12, 2008

Breaking: Tom Brady to Play Tonight's Game with Gisele's Dog Up His Ass

"Shouldn't've ordered all that dick"

Which is only slightly less gay than carrying the dog around in this bag.

Even though we revel in bagging on the guy whenever possible, Simmons' column this week was actually, truth to tell, pretty good and well-reasoned. That must be his first one this season. If you're a Pats fan - and fuck you if you are - that's gotta be a troubling sign.

But leave it to The Onion to trump him with the concise and very real insight into the minds of Pats fans this week. I'm sure Silky Garrard will receive only the most levelheaded and gentlemanly of heckling from the Gillette Stadium crowd.

Of course, I'm gonna go ahead and say there's no fucking chance in hell Jacksonville wins this game. Are they just plain not good enough to beat the Pats? Perhaps. But more so because the league will do whatever it takes to ensure that the New England-Indianapolis AFC Title Game goes down. If this game is even remotely close, be sure to take a shot every borderline call (or non-call) that goes the Patriots' way. Just don't have your relatives sue the site when you die of alcohol poisoning.

21 comments:

miamidiesel said...

I hope Silky keeps his pimp hand strong and gives New England a bitch slap. Or at least hits Tommy from Quinzee in the stomach with his pimp cane for being a cheap bastard.

Christmas Ape said...

Uh oh. Garrard married a white woman. The Massholes are pissed!

miamidiesel said...

Damn Ape, you beat me to it. Between Silky marrying a white woman and all the love the rest of the country and the media are giving Barack Obama these days, the ferocity of that pissed off Masshole crowd is going to be record-setting in and of itself. This isn't going to end well.

smurphette said...

Just wait, at halftime they do a feature on Wes Welker, his black wife, and the 15 children they adopted from Ghana.

Christmas Ape said...

Ruh roh, Ratriots.

miamidiesel said...

Love the fucking balls the Jags are playing with so far - going for it on 4th down early, then Garrard throwing that TD on the way to the ground. How quick do you think the refs would have overturned that if Belichick had gotten the flag on the field?

miamidiesel said...

Glad to see the Jags decided there was no reason to work on their problems defending the shotgun formation. Cocksuckers.

Also, did the NFL give Jabar Gaffney a special exemption from being called for holding?

Christmas Ape said...

Why do people think the Pats have a defense?

Tom Holzerman said...

"Because the best defense is a good offense" -- Phil Simms

Christmas Ape said...

14 all. Ball game.

smurphette said...

Simms on Garrard: "What did Rodney Harrison say? He's big, he's smooth, and he's always relaxed."

Sounds like Rodney Harrison has been reading all about Silky on KSK.

Otto Man said...

Halftime and it's tied. I bet Belichek is doing his best impersonation of a street-corner bum rant right about now.

I imagine he sounds like the Hamburglar on speed.

Tom Holzerman said...

Unnecessary roughness on guess who? Rodney Harrison.

They should just rename that penalty in his honor.

My Insignificant Life said...

Didn't anyone tell Silky G that he was not supposed to try and win let alone play fairly well? He's being kind of uppity tonight.

Jim said...

Yet again the Pats beat the AFC South and their Zebra Auxiliary. Suck it, haters- seriously, choke to death on it.

Ty Law said...

ha ha ha ha. love how the haters posted every 12 seconds until the 2nd half. then nothing.

ey xmasape, you do know the 'massholes' overwhelmingly voted a black man their current governor don't you? get less stupid.

Christmas Ape said...

Maybe because there were two other posts put up in the second half.

Even though we're addressed this: Virginia elected a black governor a while back and I can tell you from experience there's still a boatload of racism left in that state.

But, hey, I'll give you some credit for having a commenter name honoring a black, albeit former, Patriot.

Christmas Ape said...

I also went to a nearby Pats bar during the second half. Was in complete shock when no one gave Welker shit for having a case of the drops.

Real Men Eat Haggis said...

Hey ape - bitter is not a good color on you

Christmas Ape said...

I also come in hate, anger and contempt.

Real Men Eat Haggis said...

You should market a rainbow sticker of all those colors - I'd hang one from my mirror