Friday, January 4, 2008

Ufford vs. The Maj. WHO YA GOT?

The playoffs have arrived and half of the rooting interests of KSK writers have earned the right to be eliminated by the second round. Sadly flubby's Raiders, Punter's Bengals and Drew's Vikings were cast by the NFL wayside. My poor injury ravaged Steelers will probably be starting a few tough looking traffic cones at safety and offensive line against a suddenly supa popula Jacksonville team (if you're gonna beat us, at least have the courtesy to beat New England, you humps). We know at least one team will survive for the divisional round: Caveman's Seahawks or the Maj's Redskins. WHO YA GOT?


Captain Caveman_______Unsilent Majority

Own projects

With Leather______Every other fucking blog on the internet

Typical apparel

Pinstripe pants and flaming red button down shirt with Spanish
flourishes________Whatever fucking sneakers Gilbert Arenas is flacking

Extralegal activities

Killing hookers_______Smoking weed stolen from dead hookers

Calls in favors from

Marine friends__________Other Jew columnists

Fond of

50-cent words_________50 Cent (kidding, he blows Kanye)

Toughest conflict

Iraq War___________Potomac, Md. money fight


The Big Lead______People of non-diminutive size who don't play basketball

Finishing move

Antagonizing columnists at podunk newspapers___Making shitty bets

Humorous side note: The shoe pictured above is one Clinton Portis signed recently for the Maj, but addressed it to the wrong name. His name is not Jeff.


SlideShow Bob said...

Cmon Maj, Jew-Unit!

Hooks Orpik said...

I'd easily take a week of Ufford's smugness over a week of hearing this batshit crazy city keep talking about "Hey we scored 36 points that was Sean Taylor's old number and we won by 5 points which was how many interceptions Sean had this year it's a sign!"

Phony Gwynn said...

Yeah, but did you see that money fight? That fucker had one helluva hangnail.

Unsilent Majority said...

For the record, the actual Portis signature is back by the heel of the shoe. He did get his own name right, which is nice.

Punch Rockgroin said...

Normally, I'd go with Ufford, except for the fact I have a deep seated hatred for the SeaChickens.

And I would go with the Redskins, but my home has suddenly become a Redskins shrine over Christmas. That's irritating.

So I hope that everyone has a good time and learns something valuable from the experience.

Or send me 20 bucks.

twoeightnine said...

I can't believe you let him ruin your shoes.

Pemulis said...

what will you do if Jeff wants his shoes back?

fallex said...

Funny. I thought it was "To Uff."

drozz said...

did portis smell like otto's jacket at the time of signing? sure would explain alot.

quiet strength said...

Too bad Richard Seigler isn't with the Steelers anymore. With fictional Garrard, we may have needed two who ya gots. It's better this way though. We needed something to make this shitty game at least somewhat compelling.

Ken Dynamo said...

i just read the with leather posts from today. holy shit - i hope the c-hawks win for ufford's sanity - he is fucking pissed at something!

v tech avoid massacre? yowza.

swing4 said...

Does Uff realize he traded one uniform for another?

Interestingly, the ladies seem to find both irresistible. Hmmm, perhaps I have underestimated his sartorial genius.

Otto Man said...

did portis smell like otto's jacket at the time of signing? sure would explain alot.

Hey hey. Ix-nay on the ot-pay.

I think the show was signed by Jeff, not to Jeff. Portis was simply trying out a new persona for the playoffs -- a sassy, flamboyantly fabulous character named "Just Jeff!"

Wait 'til you see his endzone dance. I hear it involves two snaps in a Z formation.

Otto Man said...

Shoe, not show.

Me fail English? That's unpossible!

futuremrsrickankiel said...

And now, our parody of "Mad About You," entitled "Mad About Shoe."

Unsilent Majority said...

no tongue!

The Pirate Sloth said...

I feel bad for the visiting Redskins fans. It's going to rain on them and they'll get hot coffee spilled on them by the lame Seattle fans.

What, you didn't know that all we have is rain and coffee here?

Kolja said...

You forgot Cowgirls Inc.

deafjeff said...

Give me my damned shoe back!

Otto Man said...

Wow, what a brutal ending to an otherwise terrific game.

Chin up, UM. You'll have football legend Joe Gibbs back as coach next year! And the year after that! And ...

Right. Sorry.

quiet strength said...

UM received Barack Obama's endorsement Saturday night.