KSK Celebrity Super Bowl Pick Bukkake: Barack Obama

The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of, as we have in the past. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in the Pink Taco! First up, Democratic presidential candidate, BarryBarack Hussein Obama!

It is not merely a matter of the content of our determination, our will to succeed, but more importantly, how we have arrived at it. We stand here today, inspired, empowered and awed by the competitors who have wended their way through the gauntlet and now see that the mountaintop lies only within a day's footfall.

We see toughness, we see industry, we see resourcefulness. A firm grasp of fundamentals and an enlightened sense of the brand of whimsy that knows the rewards of risk. All these things are perceivable with the eyes of the present.

But we were not there when it was only hope and the will to change that catalyzed these magnificent charges to glory. The moment they choose hope over fear. Change over stagnation. Unity over division.

Media: OMG OMG OMG WE <3 YOU BARRY! MY COCK GRIP HAND IS WAY STRONG!

/swoonage

Obama: Now is the time to see that for those taking part in the grandest challenge the road ahead is all too conquerable by the twinned forces of hope and change. Tonight, we are one step closer to the vision of an America not hoping to change but changing to a hopeful future.

Media: [writing] Change. Hope. Change. Hope. Change. Hope.

yesyesyes GENIUS! What is it like to be the first changing hopeful candidate with a chance at the White House? Are you hopechangechangehopehopehopehope?

Obama: Listen: I, we, you did this -- you did this because you believed so deeply, so audacious in your hope, in the most American of ideas -- that in the face of impossible odds, people who love this country can change it. Of that much we can be hopeful.

Media: If I'm not mistaken - and I do apologize for the directness of my question - I believe the original question had to do with your expectations for the upcoming Super Bowl.


Oprah: Oh my goodness, hello! and hello! and hello! Oh my goodness, at last I'm here. Me! [Exhales] The Super Bowl, people. I mean, GET. OUT. Haven't you ever sat there at one of those parties and thought "Well, what exactly is this?" Is this one of Oprah's favorite things? Shouldn't we win stuff for watching? Shouldn't our shared cultural heritage consist of more Nicolas Sparks novels?

We are 300 million strong with our many colors and religions and languages. Many colors, religions and languages but one title game, one champion, one MVP. I'd like to tell you who that should be, so I can get to my bikram yoga class to hunt down more closeted gay men.

Usually, America is content for me to choose what they want for them, but the stubborn refusal of tradition requires us to sit through this charming spectacle. [Laughs winningly] Upending that chore is just some of the change that I'm mandating, er, suggesting here today.

Obama: But I really do want to focus on your question, because it's an important one. I believe the forces of change can foster hope but that there is no change without hope. If hope can jump to an early lead, they can possibly hold off the quick-strike capability of change. I know they say hope springs eternal and change is constant, but things never play out according to easy storylines in these contests.

If hope is indeed a powerful universal tool of human uplift, I'll say Hope 31, Change 23. If change is not an organic phenomenon easily effected by the hands of man like we hope it is, I can just as easily say Change 24, Hope 13. It can really go either way, I hope. Nonono, wait, let me change that.

Media: /pens fawning editorial