Ten Yards Of Awkwardness With: Corey Dillon

As part of our championship game and Super Bowl coverage, I'll be sitting down and "chatting" with the occasional player or two. If you're new here, we've done this before with players like Damien Woody and Brian Griese, and both of them adored the experience. For the Patriots, it's starting running back and future bankruptcy court litigant Corey Dillon.

Big Daddy Drew: Corey, thanks for sitting down with us.
Corey Dillon: My pleasure.

Drew: You were arrested 11 times before age 17. In that sense, won't your heart always be with the Bengals?
Dillon: No.

Drew: You were twice arrested for "Malicious Mischief". I'm gonna say right up front that that sounds like the name of some sort of theme night at the Blue Oyster Bar. But what does it really mean?
Dillon: No idea.

Drew: You were also arrested for intent to distribute cocaine. Any yayo on you now? I have a kid and sometimes it's nice to take the edge off.
Dillon: No.

Drew: Is it hard to walk into the team's locker room and see Peter King and Bill Simmons fighting over the same cock?
Dillon: That doesn't happen.

Drew: Vinny Testaverde is the Patriots' 3rd string QB. Why?
Dillon: I don't know.

Drew: Do you think Bill Belichick took him on as some sort of dare?
Dillon: No.

Drew: Let's talk about Belichick and Brady. When you read fawning coverage of those two together, do you ever think to yourself, "Man, this some BULLLLLshit. Ain't nobody givin' Corey Muthaphuckkin' Dillon some credit. Fuck those crackas."?
Dillon: No.

Drew: When Tom Brady audibles to a run, shouldn't he get credit for the yardage? All you did was run the ball.
Dillon: I earn my stats.

Drew: Logan Mankins is on your team. Doesn't "Mankins" sound like a gay man's pet name for his partner's testicles?
Dillon: No.

Drew: Todd Sauerbrun strikes me as the kind of guy that still believes pro wrestling is real. Agreed?
Dillon: No.

Drew: Tedy Bruschi: Why only one D? Was his family too poor to afford two?
Dillon: I don't know.

Drew: When you see Bruschi blow a coverage, do you sort of wish that he had gotten a more intense stroke? Say, a Kirk Douglas-level one?
Dillon: No.

Drew: Rosevelt Colvin is also on your team. Why are the Patriots linebackers so averse to double lettering?
Dillon: I don't know.

Drew: Does Ray Mickens ever let you guys toss him around the field?
Dillon: No.

Drew: When Belichick cuts you, how does he do it? Western Union telegram? A brick with a note attached? Or is there an even less personal way he's devised? Perhaps he has a lawyer come and spit in your face? I could see that.
Dillon: I don't know.

Drew: You were arrested once for assaulting your wife. Why is she such a bad listener?
Dillon: I love my wife.

Drew: Well, sometimes you love someone so much that you just have to bash their face in. Am I right?
Dillon: No.

Drew: Let's talk about the Boston fans. What's the most creative racial epithet they've hurled at you?
Dillon: Our fans are great.

Drew: Ever met a fan from Maine? Those people are straight out of "The Hills Have Eyes".
Dillon: Our fans are great.

Drew: What's it like to play for an ungrateful fan base full of room-temperature-IQ-having douchebags that will always bitch about something no matter what you do?
Dillon: Our fans are great.

Drew: Ever think to yourself, "Man, fuck these people. And fuck their chowder."?
Dillon: Our fans are great.

Drew: Remember in Return of the Jedi, when Lando Calrissian is piloting the Millennium Falcon, and he's got that sidekick who looks kinda Chinese and talks all funny, like, "Ablee ablee flippity floppity floo!"?
Dillon: Yeah.

Drew: Doesn't that guy sound exactly like Shannon Sharpe?
Dillon: No.


Drew: Do you think Lando Calrissian was Armenian?
Dillon: No.

Drew: Would you consider kissing me?
Dillon: No.

Drew: Do you need to punch me first to get in the mood?
Dillon: Get the fuck away from me.

Drew: Corey, thanks for stopping by.
Dillon: My pleasure.

UPDATE: Thanks to doug_plank for getting the name of that dude. Here's the pic. Totally looks like Margaret Cho.