"Shhh, it's all right, Taggart. Just a man and a horse being hung out there."

First, we were totally blind-sided by news that Joey Porter owns a pack of pitbulls. He always seemed like more of a bichon frise type of guy. Our shock was only compounded when we subsequently learned that Porter's dogs escaped and killed a horse in suburban Pittsburgh yesterday. The lastest bombshell in this case is the revelation by the police that the killing was a case of mistaken identity. According to insiders familiar with the investigation, Porter trained the dogs for the express purpose of killing Shannon Sharpe.

The resemblance between the victim (above, left) and Sharpe (right) was so uncanny, that even the police arriving on the scene were initially confused. "When we got there the little fella was bellowing and grunting incoherently. It sounded just Shannon Sharpe's analysis of San Diego's pass rush from Sunday morning." Alarmed CBS executives frantically telephoned Sharpe and confirmed he was safe at home, munching on a bag of oats.