Steelers Bukkake With Kate Mara

This is the Unsilent Majority reporting live from the Ritz Carlton penthouse. Everybody in town is quivering with anticipation as the Steelers prepare to defend their Super Bowl title. As I have learned these feelings are not limited to the Steelers fans and players.

Last night I stopped by the O on Forbes Avenue expecting to see Ben Roethlisberger drowning his sorrows in a 40 oz IC Light. Instead I was graced with the presence of one Kate Mara, the beauty with the blood of Wellington Mara and Art Rooney running through her veins. Needless to say I spent a glorious night banging the NFL heiress; the fans weren't the only ones quivering in anticipation.

I’d like to take this opportunity to announce that Kate and I are now planning to get married. Normally I wouldn’t get sucked into a relationship but Kate was able to persuade me with ease. She fucks with all the drive and tenacity of a young Wellington while displaying the famous Rooney family generosity in her own "special" way.

I have to sign off for now, the typing seems to be waking up my blushing bride. I’ll check back in this afternoon from high atop Clemente Bridge (she’s got a thing for public places).