Thursday, September 21, 2006

Morten Andersen ends retirement, tells kids to get off his lawn

Kicker Morten Andersen ended his two-year retirement this week, signing with the Atlanta Falcons. Following Tuesday's press conference, Andersen ordered a small group of teenagers congregating near his property to "move it along now." Andersen, the NFL's second all-time leading scorer, then drove his 1985 Buick Regal to the Town 'n' Country Buffet, for the early-bird. Mort capped of his day by feeding the ducks while humming Guy Lombardo tunes at the pond near his retirement community.

"I don't kicks when 'NCIS' is on, iffin' ya please."

10 comments:

Monday Morning Punter said...

Didn't this asshole miss a 40-yard field goal with Minnesota because HE KICKED IT SHORT?

flub, you forgot to mention the part where he went to see his grandkids and passed off sticks of gum as a "gift."

Unsilent Majority said...

Cough drops are not candy!!!

jester0165 said...

I heard he's going to be inactive for day games beacause of syndicated episodes of Murder, She Wrote.

doug_plank said...

Does Under Armor offer an adult diaper?

feep said...

Maaatlooock!

Monday Morning Punter said...

jester, I can't believe you changed your pic. That drunken Muppet was awesome.

the dude said...

I can imagine Morten telling stories of the old days of football would go something like this.

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."

TheBigO said...

WE MUST PROTECT THIS OLD ASS HOUSE!!!!!!!

becky said...

go to bed, old man.
I wonder if him and Vick will hit up Buckhead together...

C. said...

everybody break out their single-bar face masks!