Monday, September 11, 2006

The Manning Bowl: A Look Back on the Greatest Event in NFL History

Oh. My. God. Peyton and Eli's teams are playing each other on Sunday Night Football. Peyton and Eli - brothers! Created by the same parents! And one of the parents was a pro quarterback first. Oh thank God, at last! Why did we have to wait more than two years for this?

Oooh, yesss... don't you love how one of them is almost always in the game? Why can't they play special teams? Why did Cooper have to get spinal stenosis? Couldn't Archie have produced more male heirs at closer intervals? Quick, run more footage of their childhood! They played football as children, you know. And in high school. And college. Just never against each other -- until this very fucking moment! Oh God, Eli and Peyton, don't stop! You're so good!

DAMMIT! We have to go to commercial! I was so close there for a second.

[NFL commercial featuring all football Mannings, even though some illiterate jackass used a confounding singular possessive in "The Manning's are ready. Are you?"]

[Sprint commercial with Peyton]

[DirecTV commercial with Peyton]

[MasterCard commercial where Peyton gets melon signed for Eli]

[NFL commercial featuring all football Mannings, even though some illiterate jackass used a confounding singular possessive in "The Manning's are ready. Are you?" ...again.]



And we're back. Here are the head-to-head stats for Peyton and Eli, plus their pictures from second grade. And their pictures from sixth grade. Pee Wee football. High school football. College football. Did you know that Eli played at the same college as his dad? And that they both became pro quarterbacks? Just like Peyton also is now!

Mmmmm... Peyton. Eli, Peyton, Eli, Peyton... two brothers at the same time -- it's a fantasy I've always had. Mmmm, a brunet and a blond, oh yeah, they're so good... God I can't believe there are two of them! At once! Yes yes oh God don't stop driving downfield! Move the chains! FUCK YES PUT IT IN THE END ZONE SHOW A PICTURE OF ARCHIE I'M ABOUT TO UNNNNGGGGHHHHAAAA!!!

...

Phew. Ha. Wow, that was a terrific game, wasn't it? I mean, they didn't learn to play football like that in college, you know what I'm saying? You have to be born with those kinds of physical assets and skills.

So, uh, we should get together and do this again next week? Same time?

Cool, I'll call you.

26 comments:

robustyoungsoul said...

Best. Post. Evar.

Rob I said...

ZOMG Darren Sharper sleeps in a golf bag.

rsr26 (aka Johnny Utah) said...

Moss is going to be sleeping in a coffin if he gets lit up like that again.

Otto Man said...

NFL commercial featuring all football Mannings, even though some illiterate jackass used a confounding singular possessive in "The Manning's are ready. Are you?"

I'm so glad to hear that pissed someone else off. I was at a first birthday party this weekend, and the mom wrote "You're First Birthday!" on the cake.

On the bright side, I won't have to see "Idiocracy" when it comes out. I can just wait a few years.

chornbe said...

I actually didn't see the game. I'm waiting until the Superbowl where they both REALLY should be playing with each other.

Look, I'm not saying we had a problem with protection out there...

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Hilarity of the highest degree! Thank you for mentioning the illiterate jackass. They are everywhere and annoy me to no end. I have a particular hate on for people who say libary.

eirishis said...

Did you have a cigarette after posting that?

The Dude said...

I always thought Eli was the love child of Archie and Jane Fonda.

peytonloveskenny said...

Your funny. The Manning's are funny. They're dad is funny. Everybodys funny.

epsknows said...

Seriously though, how bad must Cooper feel because if he could play football then somehow they could find a way to make three teams play at once. So.Freaking.Cool

swing4 said...

Drew, was that really you? Perv.

Beban said...

Dear ESPN,

Please fire Theeesman and hire Vermeil for Monday Night football. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Everyone

doug_plank said...

The number of Super Bowl rings the Mannings have-0

Trent Dilfer-1

peytonloveskenny said...

Yeah, but Trent Dilfer has never won a Manning Bowl.

Unsilent Majority said...

Cooper is playing quarterback in this year's bud bowl...so he's got that goin for him.

Vegan Viking said...

I'm glad I'm not the only person who noticed the grammatical error in the commercial. That's the sort of thing that drives me crazy that 90% of viewer won't notice.

whowillsexmutombo? said...

Any truth to the rumor that Eli and Tiki set Peyton and Ronde up and they were all seen at Bungalow 8 last week? Soucres say Peyton and Ronde looked very happy together, holding hands, laughing, and sitting very close... although Eli and Tiki got in a fight about the bill. Eli was seen later that evening getting into Fred Durst's limo... Tiki's representatives say Eli and Fred have been friends for years though... Hmmm.

the dude said...



The number of Super Bowl rings the Mannings have-0


Mark Rypien-1
Joe Theeeeeesman-1
Doug Williams-1

BoSox Siobhan said...

Gawd, that was great for me. Hot sibling action gets me every time.

Becky said...

And here I thought I was the only one biting my lip in delight over the meeting of the Mannings.

However, as a woman, I could not blow a load remotely like the NBC crew did.

Anonymous said...

Everyone, please. It's not the "Manning Bowl". It's called the "Bro Bowl".

Joeks.

Combat Chuck said...

Seriously, the Barber twins should demand this kind of adoration when week 8 rolls around and THEY ACTUALLY PLAY EACH OTHER, as in both players on the field at the same time, which has happened before, big whoop. I think Julius Jones has a brother in the NFL too (Darius or something), and they've played each other before, without any hoopla.

Becky said...

Combat Dave is absolutely right about the Barber brothers. And if NBC needs someone to help with the coverage - perhaps in the locker room, creating a nice little shower scene - I would be more than willing to help.

doug_plank said...

Combat Chuck-

Julius Jones older brother is Thomas Jones of.....

DA BEARS!

BoSox Siobhan said...

I'm with you, Becky. I can't get enough Tiki Barber.

dusty said...

Fuck yeah..more Tiki..less Mannings. Talk about a fugly family..