Thursday, September 14, 2006

That "cool, refreshing" drink.


The batshit craziness that affects the (5-time Super Bowl Champion) Pittsburgh Steelers' fans in relation to the vicissitudes of Ben Roethlisberger's health has extended to the team's players as well. Roethlisberger, who practiced for the first time Wednesday since his appendix was removed like a champion on Sept. 3, should play this week against Dan Shanoff's favorite team. Fortunately, for the more superstitious among us Stiller fans, the team's replacement for the Destroyer of All Things Carson Palmer drew on the crazy voodoo Mormon powers he attained at Brigham Young University to ensure Ben's future is full of furburgers - and not hospital furburgers.

From the Post-Gazette:

Defensive end Brett Keisel, who said last week that Roethlisberger is cursed, tried to remove that curse yesterday by giving Roethlisberger a bottle of "lucky" water. The quarterback called it half full, rather than half empty.
That's some nice skepticism on the part of the reporter, there, with the dubious quotes surrounding the luck-enhancing properties of the half-consumed bottle of water. Care to ask why Keisel can't give him, say, a full bottle of water? Can we expect a lot of half sacks out of him this year?

Also to be admired is the Pollyannaish sentiment of Ben. We'll see if the optimism holds the next time he gets hurt and misses work and can be heard rebuffing Keisel's black magic by saying, "Fuck you, Jobu, I do it myself."

7 comments:

The Last Unitard said...

Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum.

Joey D said...

If Big Ben doesn't start drinking more water like a champion, (as opposed to alternatives), they'll likely be removing a kidney in '09.

swing4 said...

I just choked on a cough drop chuckling at that Major League reference. You're lucky I managed to swallow it, 'cus I totally would have sued.

swing4 said...

Upon further reflection, I realize that I would have been dead, and therefore, unable to sue. Scratch my previous comment.

The Dude said...

The water is laced with the power of polygyny.

Big Jim Slade said...

Don't do it Ben! That water could have been poisoned. Better let Tommy Maddox take a swig first...

Roy Hobbs said...

I think it would have been cooler if the surgeons who have been working almost nonstop on this kid would just peel back the skin to reveal his metal skeleton after each operation. Yeah, that would be cool.