Saturday, September 2, 2006

NBC Orders Weekly Pink Taco


This is Pink, wildly untalented pop star and card-carrying member of the Sarah Jessica Parker Club For Unattractive Famous Women Oddly Considered Attractive By Gay Magazine Editors. Anyway, get used to seeing Pink a lot this year, because NBC has hired Pink to perform their signature Sunday Night Football theme song. Pink's song will be called "Waiting All Day For Sunday Night" and will be sung to the tune of Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself For Loving You."

I know what you're thinking: NFL fans and Pink fans really are one and the same. I know I'm a 14-year-old girl. Me and the NFL are tighter than Raven-Symone's nether regions. But I find a few things odd about this. First of all, I'm not waiting all day for Sunday Night. There's football on ALL DAY on Sunday during the regular season. I don't say to myself during those games, "Boy, I can't wait for this football to end so I can watch football!" If it was on Monday Night, then I get it. But Sunday is awesome. The next day is work. I don't want that. If anything, the song should be called "Cowering In Terror For Sunday Night, Because Fucking Monday Is That Much Closer."

And really, does anything say "football" quite like an old 1988 Joan Jett semi-hit? Does NBC know their audience or what? I know all our angry black commenters will be jazzed to hear this news. A couple of facts about Jett's song. It was originally titled, "I Hate Myself Because I Can't Get Laid". Which makes wayyyyy more sense when we're talking about the NFL demographic. The song was also co-written by Desmond Child, who wrote "Livin' On a Prayer," the 2006 theme song for the Jets, 49ers, Browns, and myriad other shitty teams. Child also wrote songs for Michael Bolton, Cher, and Ricky Martin. And that triumvirate is fucking Badass. I know it makes me want to go out and hit somebody.

So get ready fans, because your prime time NFL theme music is coming courtesy of an artificially eccentric pop starlet and a country music dinosaur who I swear has a fake beard. Enjoy!

22 comments:

rsr26 (aka Johnny Utah) said...

Maybe this song can be as awful as the obnoxious Hank Williams Jr. MNF song. Pink really does seem like an odd choice- and a Joan Jett cover?
"Cowering in Terror"? Another hilarious effort.

Unsilent Majority said...

pink looks smelly

KaLiBLeeK said...

Outstanding Raven reference. I almost spit RedBull on myself.

Glad to see the NFL has caught up to the NBA in the "really shitty and unsuitable theme music" category. I was worried there for a bit.

cheswick said...

will holly mangold be a backup dancer in the video?

Monday Morning Punter said...

I thought Kenny Chesney had this locked up. Looks like he did all that "work" for nothing.

irishcharlie said...

With whom would you rather identify, Pink or Hank Williams "Monkey with a Gun" Jr.?

What? It's a legitimate question.

Unsilent Majority said...

apparently they offered her "Ted Danson" money

Matt said...

They couldn't just get Girl #1 from the last post to lip-synch something? I mean, honestly.

Anonymous said...

Burrito. Hmmm. Nope, it's not funny here, either...

Anonymous said...

Oh, the androgyny. Couldn't they get someone with at least a little talent. Where's Willian Hung or Britney when you need them.

dusty said...

WTF do you expect..its NBC..nuttin but commercials..do they own her label or something? jeez..there has to be a catch, they can't be that fucktarded.

Jon said...

some of the funniest shit i've ever read topped with alot of truth.

if you dont mind, i'd like to link you.

keep it up
Jon

Anonymous said...

Pink's as talented as your dumb ass.

Otto Man said...

Awesome. I can't wait to see how Chad Johnson works a Virginia Slims plug into his end zone celebration.

Anonymous said...

I'm always disappointed when an uncredited deadspin link takes me to your meanspirited, derivative blog. Keep yourselves in Will's good graces, because he's the only thing keeping you afloat.

Otto Man said...

I agree completely. I mean, a second ago I was enjoying Deadspin's sarcastic take on the Art Modell Deathwatch, but then I came here through a link and just found it all to be much too meanspirited.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go clutch my pearls.

talktoazza said...

Pink is the kind of woman i would give the "Danza slap" to.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=danza+slap

Mr Furious said...

Gotta love that kind of crap from a commenter who refuses to even have an identity.

That shit was funny, Drew. Keep it up. Yeah, I came here from Deadspin originally, but the higher comedy per capita (and comments open to the public) keeps me coming back.

Don't let the fucking door hit'ya, "anonymous."

chiswede said...

Anonymous unfunny commenters are totally not "the balls."

Renee Zellweger also carries one of those cards.

outofleftfield said...

beige is what you get when you mix Pink and the shit she records

Canadian Bobsled Champ said...

Now all we need is for Pink to collaborate with the DTC for quite possibly the biggest piece of shit since Scoop Jackson's 'The Voice'

Seriously, is NBC and CBS in a race to the bottom for the worst presentation of the NFL. I would almost prefer the crap that was on ESPN2 for the FSU vs UM game.

Spulture said...

I hate to argue with Big Daddy Drew, but I have to say that Pink is kind of attractive. Not in the face or anything, but from the neck down...she's a solid candidate for a Butterface contest, I think...but maybe I'm just distracted by the fact that her tits are often popping out of her top....(I wanted to add a picture to illustrate my point, but, well, just try using google image search for the phrase "pink tits" with SafeSearch turned off)