Monday, September 25, 2006

Odell Thurman Is One Stupid Drunk

You remember Odell Thurman; he was the starting middle linebacker for the Bengals. He was one of the leaders on a young but talented defense that just had to try and keep up with the offense. He's also the guy who hasn't played a down this season because of a suspension. You'd think that after skipping a drug test a guy would learn how to act like a competent professional...but these are the fucking Bungles! They might not embarrass themselves on the field anymore but they certainly make up for that in the wee hours.

Scouts at Georgia know how to motivate Odell,
there's a fifth of Uncle Jemima at the finish line


This morning Odell was stopped by Cincinnati Police at a checkpoint designed to catch drunken morons (i.e. the Bengals) in action. After being stopped the linebacker blew a .17 on the trusty breathalyzer, more than double the legal limit in Ohio. What's most important/disturbing/funny about the whole situation is that Odell was in a car full of teammates who had returned from Pittsburgh earlier in the night. Seeing as how Odell was released to a sober driver it's clear that somebody else could have been driving the car the entire time.

Leave it to the Bengals to celebrate a monumental victory by piling into the car with a drunk and suspended teammate for a long night of driving. How stupid can one car of assholes truly be? Marvin Lewis has been quick to come up with a punishment, he sent everybody home without stopping for ice cream. Didn't this guy used to be a disciplinarian? Now he's like the world's worst probation officer; next week we can all look forward to a jailhouse style raping of Tom Brady, both on and off the field.

13 comments:

jester0165 said...

One of the people in the car was Chris Henry...I guess that was a given

the dude said...

This is a step up from driving drunk, wearing a bulletproof vest, and having oozies in the back seat.

Jethrie said...

On a morning where I could finally wake up and be okay being a Bengals fan, this happens. Fuck me running. Every Bengals should have a breathalyzer installed in their car.

C. said...

That faint sound you hear is Portland cheering, as they are no longer the gold standard for idiotic criminal behavior.

C. said...

...by a pro franchise.

BigRicks said...

Uncle Jemima pure mash liquor: More fun than Pancakes!

Big Jim Slade said...

.17 on the trusty breathalyzer

Jesus, even in victory the Bengals will find a way to blow it big time.

feep said...

I just assumed that he was trying to keep up with Chris Simms by proving that he can play without his liver.

Chris Kopech said...

the headline on the blog that broke this story was classic: "Future Toronto Argonaut??"

NoUseForAName said...

If Chad Johnson was in the car he could have just done the Riverdance routine and all would have been forgiven. I guess Chris Henry wasn't hurt all that bad afterall.

Unsilent Majority said...

at least henry didn't get hooked up again.

Johnny LaRue said...

That faint sound you hear is Portland cheering, as they are no longer the gold standard for idiotic criminal behavior.

******
I hear Cowboy fans from the 90s are pleased, too. But which Bengal will be the first to forget he has 250 pounds of pot in his trunk?

JoSCh said...

Chris Henry, not only in the car... apparently puking from it during the po-po visit. I'd party with him! Nice work scouting there Marvin Lewis. http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2006309250010