Steve Irwin Memorial Meast of the Week - Week 2

And remember, a shiny donkey to whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya...

...Oh! Which means it's time for the Meast of the Week! Last night I turned on Animal Planet to discover a one-hour, Irwin-free special on vicious African crocodiles. They showed a crocodile stalk a wild gazelle crossing a river. The croc snatched up the gazelle in his jaws and then preceded to swallow it whole. Holy fuck, that was sweet. Like an animal snuff film. They should have played "War Pigs" in the background.

These shows usually wrap footage like this up in some pretentious bullshit that this was the fierce beauty of nature. Well, I'm not that kind of person. It's time we glorified violence in the animal kingdom. So I found this YouTube clip of two crocs tearing a gazelle in half and then getting after it like Joey Porter's mastiff. You won't find better killing anywhere, I tell you! The only thing that would make this clip better is if the gazelle were replaced with a cat, or with Joe Theismann's leg, or with Paris Hilton and her worthless slut mother. And they should have had a demon voice laughing in the background, with fireballs exploding in the sky and shit. In any event, this is top quality stuff. Big hard crocs ahead!



Anyway, this clip is in honor of Jags' linebacker Mike Peterson, Week 2's meastiest player.


Peterson had 2 solo tackles and 5 assists in the Monday Night game with the Steelers. But the stat sheet sells him short. He was all over the field, treating Willie Parker like gazelle lunch meat and hitting oncoming guards harder than Jason Kidd hits his wife. Too bad he's still not a Colt. But I guess having Peyton Manning occupy 90% of your salary cap is worth it. Here's to your top notch Steeler-killing, Mike! Rumph! Rumph! Rumph!