Most sports have a revered place for the “lovable loser.” Baseball has the Cubs; golf has Phil Mickelson; the NBA has Isiah Thomas. However, we at KSK piss excellence and expect no less from the quality of the NFL product. Losers are despicable rejects and should be treated like the loathsome human garbage they are. With that in mind, we present the latest installment in our preview of all 32 NFL teams... the Cleveland Browns.
Four things you might not know about the Browns:
1. The Browns made Saints free agent LeCharles Bentley the highest paid center ever this off-season. LeCharles then blew out his LeKnee in LeTraining camp.
2. The Drive. The Fumble. Red Right 88. Any team that has so many casual shorthand references to choking in big games is not a team civilized folk want to waste Sundays cheering for.
4. The term “Dawg Pound” was coined by Browns cornerbacks Hanford Dixon and Frank Minnifield during the 1980's. This is what life in the Dawg Pound is like for Browns fans.The Browns haven't done a damn thing since their return to the NFL in 1999. For that matter, they hadn't done a damn thing years before Art Modell had the good sense to trade a team in a sixth class town for a team in a fifth class town. There is ample evidence that the Cleveland football experiment is a colossal failure. We say shit-can the whole operation. Bulldoze the whole damn thing into Lake Erie. Better yet, send them to Baltimore. Baltimore could use two teams.
The Browns are suffering from some form of mass hallucination that Charlie Frye is a viable option at quarterback. He's not. The Browns overpaid the aging Willie McGinest in hopes of turning around their crappy defense. He won't. The Browns are going to suck again this year. They will be Pittsburgh AND Cincinnati's bitch.
This year's Browns will be the latest in a long, unabated line of Cleveland losers. Jim Brown should kick these sissies square in the nuts. Chamber of commerce hype notwithstanding, Cleveland is a soulless rust-belt town. And nothing these gutless losers the do will change that. 6-10 is good enough for the rabble that supports these miserable bastards. Fuck Drew Carey. Fuck the Golics. Fuck that fucking row of crack-houses you call the Flats. Fuck Cleveland and fuck the Browns.