Sunday, September 17, 2006

Life Early game recaps come at you fast. KSK is on your side.


Week 2 is the week when we get our kneejerk conclusions we made after last week shattered, except for the ones we made about the Raiders, Bucs, Packers, Dolphins, Panthers, Browns and Lions. Those teams are all still shit. And so were the early games this week, with the NFC East's second most exciting game of the day headlining.

Giants 30, Eagles 24 (OT) -- Apparently, losing the Manning Bowl doesn't carry the same psychological baggage as a Super Bowl defeat. Plaxico Burress pulls the Homer of the day, fumbling into the endzone so his teammate could recover for a TD. Burress then receives a call on the sidelines from Magic Johnson. He also caught another pass of marginal consequence in overtime.

Ravens 28, Raiders 6 -- Aaron Brooks' shoulders buckle under the weight of Jerry Porter's indifference, forcing him from the game early. Aaron Andrew Walter comes in and is sacked six times and throws two picks. Stellar performance for a Raider QB immediately yields a 5-year extension.

Saints 34, Packers 27 - Reginald Christ can't quite duplicate the impressive performance of his first game, running on water only six times for five miraculous yards. Favre intercepted only once by pathetic New Orleans defense. But the four straight incompletions on a potentially game-tying drive? Measty.

Bills 16, Dolphins 6 -- Buoyed by the success of the dark horse 6-seed (5xSBC) Steelers last season, Dolphins coach Nick Saban is going to try to win the Super Bowl without even making the playoffs. We'll let you know how it turns out.

Colts 43, Texans 24-- This is why they play the games. This is why they play the games. This is why they play the games. This is why they play the games. This is why they play the games. This is why they play the games. But, hey, check out those two (2!) tackles from Mario Williams. What. A. Stud.

Bengals 34, Browns 17 -- Dirty Brown Towels, Browns, fail the Cleveland faithful. Foam and not-so-foam "Steamerheads" to debut next week.

Falcons 14, Buccaneers 3 -- Warrick Dunn and Michael Vick combine for 261 yards on 35 carries against the porous Bucs' defense. Anyone else have the feeling that the Falcons curse the invention of the forward pass? I'm being racist, aren't I? Pocket passing is for whitey! Scoop?

Vikings 16, Panthers 13 (OT) -- Vikings kicker Ryan Longwell throws a touchdown pass to tie the game late in the second half, immediately blocks Al Davis' number on his cell phone.

Bears 34, Lions 7 -- Oedipus Rex Grossman works out his mommy issues on the all-world Lions' defense, throwing for 289 yards and four touchdowns. Still spends 30 minutes crying in bed afterwards.

6 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

maybe now the superfans can take brian griese's jock out of their collective mouth.

apropos of snow...i once got into an arguement with a professor over the issue of Oedipus's free will. the prof actually smacked me in the head...last time i sit front row

Dave F'n Bates said...

Andrew Walter, maybe?

C. said...

And the question of why teams such as the Titans continue to have QBs like Kerry Collins on speed-dial continues.

The Dude said...

I tallied the results...Reggie Bush was mentioned more in last night's USC-Nebraska game than in the Saints-Packers game today.

BrianJ said...

When the pre-game guys say "if the Packers don't beat the Saints they won't win a game this year" is that binding? Because if it is I'm just going to start planning the Vicodin-laced "Packers suck" party right now. We'll have lots of games like the "Chmura guess if she's legal" contest and the "hamper pooping" competition. What fun we'll have.

C. said...

Reggie Bush may have been mentioned more in the Titans-Chargers game (nearly every time LenDale White lined up behind Young) than he was in the Saints-Packers game.