Sunday, September 3, 2006

Big Ben Fails To Wear Helmet, Crashes Into Appendicitis


That sound you heard was the collective groan of everyone in Western Pennsylvania. Largely because it's 7:30 and everyone there has presumably finished their Sunday evening dinner of hamburgers, ham steaks, fat back, and packets of raw Velveeta. But also because Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger will miss the season opener and possibly more games due to an emergency appendectomy. Charlie Batch will start in his place.

I'm not sure if you recall the last time Big Ben went out for an extended period (against the Jaguars), but let me refresh your memory: Steelers lead, Tommy Maddox, Steelers lose. Roethlisberger is kind of important to the Steelers. If he misses the first month, while Carson Palmer is looking very much not injured, then the Steelers could be looking up at the Bengals come October.

This fucking Big Ben, careening around life and recklessly disregarding his own vestigial organs. What an irresponsible prick. Time to grow up, young man. Stop doing whatever it is that makes your innards burst. Even Charlie Batch doesn't want to see Charlie Batch playing.

11 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

i blame jesus

Seb Pho said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Run Up The Score said...

I miss Pittsburgh food. Fries on everything. Primanti's is well known, but those Pittsburghers put fries on things like grilled chicken salads.

Mmmm...sacrilicious.

Unsilent Majority said...

Christmas Ape has strapped himself to the Woodrow Wilson Bridge

swing4 said...

That deal I made with Satan was TOTALLY worth it.

Scott said...

I can't tell if God hates Big Ben or not. He rams his fucking head into a moving car and is fine, less then a week before the season starts, he has an organ failure. At this point, he can be shot in the head at point blank range and start the next week but will get a ingrown toenail and loose his leg.

Coke-y Monster Kevin Stevens said...

WTF? Two years ago Hines Ward had his out, last year Jack Wilson had his out, and now this. What is with this city's athletes and appendicitis?

Additionally: fatback? Its not like we're Minnesota here.

Roy Hobbs said...

Time to fire up the Hospital Vigil Tailgate again.

BoSox Siobhan said...

UM - It's not Jesus' fault. He's too busy terrorizing innocent celery.

Otto Man said...

Where's anonymous to tell us all that this really isn't funny? I always laugh at these posts until I'm told not to.

Big Jim Slade said...

The Raiders just signed an unnamed appendix at QB.