Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Terrell Owens Drinking Game: It Was Only a Matter of Time

The doctors told me I have an "addictive personality with obsessive-compulsive tendencies." Apparently the brain mechanism that allows other people to enjoy vices in moderation is broken in my noggin. So as enthusiastic as I am about gambling, I don't let myself bet on sports online. It's also why I can't play fantasy football or go to Las Vegas without supervision or let women sleep in my apartment overnight.

Say what you will about Lauren -- I'm getting too old to get turned on by edgy dye jobs, and the mere mention of "Terrell Owens" gives me a vague nausea -- but if such a thing as the perfect storm of legal-yet-addictive vice exists, it would have to be a tattooed, bisexual chick from a sports gambling website telling me how to play a drinking game while I watch football.

Well, friends, such a thing exists.

If anyone needs me I'll be in the gutter.

9 comments:

Angelos said...

Rachel Ray went punk?

Michael said...

wow. she seems awesome.

Monday Morning Punter said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Monday Morning Punter said...

I'm 99% positive there was no wine in that cup.

In other words, she didn't swallow.

Otto Man said...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

Drinking is not a game. It's a skill.

Rob I said...

If you started this drinking game at the top of Sunday NFL Countdown, you'd be legally dead right now.

AllthatIsMan said...

So addictive personality is your excuse for not letting women sleep at your place overnight? Mine is that it costs triple.

Unsilent Majority said...

The only drinking game I enjoy is "Drinky Beery". seriously, when i want a drink i have one, then to celebrate i have another. You'll be able to gauge my success when i get back from the redskins game to write a drunken post.

flubby said...

I think "Lauren" is the product of a marketing campaign. Admittedly she is much hotter than Mr. Peanut. Not as hot as Aunt Jemima though.


/I had to type "hjkyavzk" to post this. That's total bullshit.