Wednesday, September 6, 2006

Peter King Would Like To Congratulate You For Thinking Like Him

Peter King publishes a Tuesday edition of Monday Morning Quarterback, in case you didn't get enough self-centered inanity on Monday. Tuesday is the day King deigns to answer questions from you, the plebes who know nothing about the NFL. Anyway, here was a fun tidbit:

IT SEEMS SACRILEGIOUS TO COMPARE ROMO TO BRADY, BUT.... From Josh of Bloomington, Ind.: "This comment pertains to your choice of the Cowboys as the NFC champion. I fully agree with you that their defense will be stout and would be the reason for them making it to the big game. But (and this may make me sound like the Patriots fan I am) as nice a guy as he is, Drew Bledsoe is incapable of leading a team to the Super Bowl. His decision-making skills are too flawed, especially under pressure. He's not the kind of conservative, ball-control quarterback this team would need to go that far. But when reading your article I began to think about the potential parallels between the 2000-01 Patriots and the '06-07 Cowboys. Could Tony Romo execute a conservative game plan that would approximate Brady's role back in that season? Could Mike Vanderjagt make some clutch kicks and transform his reputation? And could Bill Parcells (in an ironic turn) adopt some of Belichick's strategies to disrupt a powerhouse offense (now Indy's instead of the Rams') and bring home a title they had no business winning? Hmmmmm.''

One of the greatest e-mails I've ever received. I've thought of exactly the same thing, which is probably why I like the e-mail. Most people would simply laugh at the comparison between Brady and Romo, but not me.


Well, I laughed. You fucking self-centered nimrod.

It doesn't seem sacriligious to compare a guy who's never started a game to a three-time Super Bowl-winning QB. It just seems brain dead. But, if you happen to be just as brain dead as King is, you my friend are the greatest emailer in the history of the medium. Kudos to you for thinking exactly like this man. That shows gumption. Could Tony Romo execute a conservative game plan that would approximate Brady's role in that season? It could, except that the 2000 Patriots were a pass heavy team that showed enough confidence in Brady to let him try and beat the Rams in the Super Bowl with his arm. Could Mike Vanderjagt make clutch kicks and transform his reputation? Could the Cowboys win?

You know what, you two dipshits? ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN BECAUSE THE FUTURE HASN'T HAPPENED YET. You envisioned a scenario for one team based on a previous scenario from another? My God, that's genius! That could actually happen! Holy fuck! I'm alive with possiblities!

Guhhhhhh.

UPDATE: Commenter Larry Legend (nee Bill Simmons?) and another anonymous commenter give this rant a very well-reasoned Danza Slap down below.

30 comments:

Monday Morning Punter said...

One of the greatest posts I've ever read. I've thought of exactly the same thing, which is probably why I like the post. Most people would simply laugh at the comparison between Peter King and a two-day old sack of wet cadaver parts marinating in butterscotch pudding, but not me.

Christmas Ape said...

Tom Brady:Tony Romo::Airport Starbucks:Folgers

Geoff said...

A friend of mine actually sent that email in...mostly on a bet, as in "I bet I can send in something so stupid that King will agree with it and post it." Good stuff, though-

carlton s. fuckface said...

Yall crazy peter king is good writer he no lots boutda nfl dawk u trippn.

The Last Unitard said...

If there is one word that fills my gullet with bile, it is "coffeenerdness".

I am overcome by rage whenever I see it, yet I still read that piece of shit. Why?!

I guess I am a rageaholic. I just can't live without rageahol.

Larry Legend said...

To Big Daddy Drew,
First, I don't think dallas will win the SB. Second, I think you're right to point out that Peter King's characterization of Josh from Bloomington's email as brilliant because it corresponded to something he though was completely arrogant. But that's all you got right.

NE was not a pass happy team at all that year. Brady averaged attempting 27 passes a game and throwing for less than 190 yards per game. Lots of dump offs to backs and TEs. The emailer wasn't saying Tony Romo could be Tom Brady of 2003-present, but that maybe Romo executing a conservative game-plan a la Brady in 2001 would be possible and give them the best chance to win. Maybe he shoulda used Tren Dilfer as the example.

And worse, your comment that it's stupid or lacks imagination to use an example from the past to discuss future occurrences is way off-base. This isn't an academic argument, it's about predicting a SB scenario! Arguing that certain lessons can be learned from a team that perhaps has some similar contexts at work seems perfectly legitimate. It ws just a playful comparison. I thought it was kind of witty.

Tom said...

Ummm...Drew Bledsoe has led a team to the Super Bowl. They lost, but he got them there.

peytonloveskenny said...

As a Steelers fan, I would consider anything over 20 passing attempts a game to be pass happy.

Rich Uncle Skeleton said...

he no lots bout da nfl, dawk u trippin

Tru-dat, sucka.

Anonymous said...

If only you guys could try to do something to shut Peter King up...

Monday Morning Punter said...

It's not a playful comparison, it's second-grade analysis. I'm sure Romo's big-time football experiences at Eastern Illinois will have him geared up for a SB run.

It's about as witty as a pink tennis ball.

Larry Bird Flu said...

Or a pink Red Sox hat, sucka.

Larry Legend said...

That comment, on the other hand, is smart. Pink tennis ball and reference to Romo's alma mater constitute an argument with depth.

Hello, the initial email posed a question by positing a comparative situation. It doesn't mean they are exactly the same or that one can be mapped onto the other. I assume it's an interrogative meant to offer a possibility. Does it purport to be hard analysis? Certainly not as rigorous as the pink tennis ball and E illinois comment.

Look, now you have me defending this person I don't even know.

Big Daddy Drew said...

larry, that's way too many big words for this site. Besides, you're making a well-reasoned discussion about football, and that has no place here.

Canadian Bobsled Champ said...

Why is it becoming soo passionate on here? Stop it with the Debby Downer syndrome. Peter King is an idiot. The Cowboys will implode under the weight of T.O.'s ego. Tom Brady might throw a pass longer than 8 yards. A great season awaits us.

Monday Morning Punter said...

But, Lawrence, my good man, it's only a possibility on par with some other guy named Mike Jones making another SB game-saving tackle on the 1. It's just so fucking random that it's nearly impossible to care, let alone congratulate someone for the thought.

Just admit that you're Bill Simmons already and get it over with.

The Last Unitard said...

As long as everyone has fun playing, I don't care who wins.

It's gonna be a "slam dunk" of a season!

Canadian Bobsled Champ said...

Is that a Bill Walton slam dunk or a George Tenet with the assist from George Bush slam dunk?

wunderlichin' good said...

Who is Peter King? Does he write for ESPN the Magazine? ESPN.com? Page2? Is he on the Ocho? Does he come on before or after Mike and Mike? Are there other ESPN outlets I'm not aware of?

Anonymous said...

After one too many holier-than-thou rants from King about T.O., I just stopped reading him. I highly reccomend it (not reading him).

Fornelli said...

I think the fact that Tony Romo played college at Eastern Illinois isn't the only thing that eliminates the possibility of him leading anybody to a Super Bowl.

It's that while at Eastern, he was coached by a man named Bob Spoo.

Anonymous said...

I like money.

Captain Caveman said...

Larry Legend isn't Simmons. Too S-M-R-T. No, LL's been talking metaphysics over at FreeDarko, then slumming with us hoodlums.

Unsilent Majority said...

bethlehem doesn't even need spellcheck

Rich Uncle Skeleton said...

Has Footsteps Falco ever posted anything on this blog?

Captain Caveman said...

Skeleton, read this.

dusty said...

I take everything King says w/a grain of salt..and a lime and a shot of tequila..

Anonymous said...

This is a case of bloggers gone mad. Piling on Peter King for making the comparison is just stupid. He's mainstream media and you are a hard core blogger. We get it! You don't have to make your point with ridiculous posts like this one. King qualified his statements enough to make them valid. He's not comparing Romo to TODAY'S Tom Brady. He's comparing Romo to the 2000/2001 Tom Brady - an unknown who burst on the scene and did great things.

I'm a Giants fan by the way and hope Romo and the rest of the 'Boys - especially Parcells - die a horrible death after going 0 - 16.

Monday Morning Punter said...

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING MAD ?!?!?

Haha, just kidding. You might have a point there.

Rich Uncle Skeleton said...

My bad...should have checked the archives.