If you're a douchebag and you know it, clap your hands!!!

To bookend Drew's inspired Meast of the Week, one of our commenters suggested that the week's worst player get the Rumph award. If we did, there would be little doubt who deserves to be Rumphed this week. It's not enough for Jerry Porter that he gets paid big money not to play, he doesn't even want to bother to show up and do nothing except ugly up the stadium on game day.

As has been recounted ad nauseum, Porter, who cannot abide Mr. Potato Head clone Art Shell talking to him like the petulant little bitch he is, was inactive for Monday night's game against the Chargers. Porter has defended himself against claims he was laughing and pumping his fist after Aaron Brooks was sacked for the 63rd time by saying he wasn't even paying attention to the game. In other words, he doesn't hope the Raiders lose, he just doesn't really give a shit either way.

We don't blame anyone for wishing they were never associated with the Raiders in any way shape or form. But even TO, at his absolute prima donna nadir at least pretended to care about his teammates (albeit the ones not named McNabb or Garcia). This fucktard Porter can't even do that. Hear that icy silence Jerry? It's the sound of all the trade offers that aren't being called into Oakland, you no-talent pack of crap.

Enough hating for now. We leave you with another egg from the Golden Goose of Comedy, YouTube: a clip of Porter being interviewed at a some sort of vidya game convention. The interviewer (aka "Model Chick") seems to have zero knolwedge of either gaming or football, but compensates for these shortcomings by being hotter than the scortching surface of Mercury.

Some highlights:

* Model Chick asks a question that it is painfully obvious neither she nor Jerry understands.

* Jerry indulging her pathetic attempts "to keep it real, dawg" solely because he wants to bang that ass like a screen door in a hurricane.

* The needless "Blind Date" captioning. You get the feeling that the MMORPG geeks who hired Model Chick, were disappointed that the evening didn't end her being the meat in a Fat Loser Sammich-- so they added the lame "zingers" to take out their blueball frustrations.

Oh, what the heck. Here's a little more hating: Go to hell, Jerry. We hope you get traded to the Browns.


Note: We totally posted this before Deadspin did. Suck it, Will Leitch!