Thursday, September 21, 2006

A True Barometer of Sweetness

You've probably seen those other guys' bullshit power rankings, but that's just what they are. Bull. Shit. So, Seattle's better than Tampa? Way to go out on a limb there, asshole. So I set out on a quest to find a true barometer of sweetness, uninhibited by speculation or personal bias and came up with my own motherfucking Power Rankings. BY-AHHHH!!

  1. Beef
  2. Chicken
  3. The Chad Johnson Hit
  4. Any album where the name of the band/artist is composed entirely of letters
  5. Big Daddy Drew
  6. Scarlett Johannsen's upper lip
  7. Getting in the shower and the water's all cold and shit
  8. Jeff Fisher acting like he just broke up with Elton John
  9. The word "camel," when not used as a prefix
  10. Curdled Milk
Also receiving votes: Jessica Namath, Mark Brunell, Pat Morita's legacy as a "character actor."


flubby said...

Lenny: If you ask me, Muhammad Ali in his prime was much better than anti-lock brakes.

Carl: Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis versus Diet Pepsi?

Unsilent Majority said...


i'm not sure scarlett's upper lip would have been my first choice amongst her anatomy.

Claude Balls said...

Any album where the name of the band/artist is composed entirely of letters

Besides MC5, L7, 2 Live Crew, the Jackson 5, Size 14 (can't get more obscure than that) and the period when Prince went by that stupid symbol, what bands/artists are you excluding here? Aren't most band names (e.g., Rolling Stones, Replacements, Black Crowes, Marah) composed entirely of letters?

Unsilent Majority said...

why ya gotta bust balls?

doug_plank said...


Nice call on Scarlett.


Claude Balls said...

Sorry, guess I misunderstood what this site was about.

Can I at least bitch about the fact that I had to type in "oxgdjjij" to post this comment?

Unsilent Majority said...


Monday Morning Punter said...

Mr. Balls, you are indeed a worthy opponent. That's the best short way I could have stated that.

Those bands would include AC/DC (punctuation can slide, I suppose), DMX, N.W.A. (punct. again), RZA, and ODB.

U2 is a letter and a number, so fuck them.

-s said...

While not to me, I think some people might want to add the new-and-improved AC Slater to the list.

talktoazza said...

I am extremely upset that Dan Synder didnt get a mention. no BY-AAAHH!! for you sir.

JoSCh said...

Abba? Fucking sick-o!

NoUseForAName said...

So your saying that Tampa is going to be Seattle this weekend?
You might reconsider because Joe Buck isn't going to agree with you when he talks about it for 1/2 hour.

Claude Balls said...

U2 is a letter and a number, so fuck them.

I must agree with you there. Fuck U2, pretentious preening pricks that they are.

The squeaky wheel indeed gets the grease. This time, I only had to type in "xulxo" to post my comment.

Unsilent Majority said...

i'll third the fuck u2 sentiment

Senor Beavis said...


"I'm gonna pick up some beer. Stay at home. And stare at my Claire Danes poster."

And U2 sucks. Defend New Orleans!

Adam Landres-Schnur said...

scarlett can do wonders with that lower lip too.

Drizztdj said...

I thought of this guy when Chad Johnson got hit.


Drizztdj said...

BoSox Siobhan said...

Motherfucking U2 ruins everything. End.

He manTooth said...

But U2 cares about taking care of that thing over there.

Aardvark, Jr. said...

The Edge (just what the fuck kind of a name is that anyway?) got his start as the Policeman in a Village People tribute band.