Monday, September 18, 2006

Inside Chris Simms's Head

Is this game still going on? How many interceptions do I have to throw before Coach pulls me? I'm just so tired of being abused. I don't want to get hit any more.

Fuck, what was that guy's name again? I need to be more careful. Did he even wear a condom? Oh man I hope he calls.

I've thrown six picks and zero touchdowns in two games -- well, one touchdown if you count the pick-six to Chris McAlister. I have led my team to three points in two games. Three points! What does it take to get fired around here? I feel like Matt Millen.

Maybe I need another tattoo. If I get a butterfly on my lower back, that's not gay, is it? Who doesn't like butterflies?

14 comments:

Eddie Mac said...

I say that Gruden brings in Major Applewhite as the backup, he saved simmsy's sorry ass plenty of times and would there be a better QB name in the league than Major Applewhite? im thinkin no

Are You Threatening Me? said...

Phil must be so proud of Chrissy. I wonder what makes Phil more upset, that his son is making a mockery of the Simms name or that he has the initials of four men tattooed on him?

the dude said...

Bart Simpson: I believe that after you die, you get to come back as anything you want. I'll be a butterfly.
Lisa Simpson: Why?
Bart Simpson: Because, nobody ever suspects the butterfly... (laughs evilly)

doug_plank said...

"Why does my dad keep hitting me in the face with the ball when we play basketball in the driveway?"

flubby said...

"Steve Young was right. Damn my laissez-faire upbringing!"

Claude Balls said...

In light of the tattoo story, perhaps it was a laissez-fairy upbringing.

Philo said...

Time to give Volek a call...

peytonloveskenny said...

I think Tommy Maddox is available.

doug_plank said...

Cade McNown cleaned my pool last week-end.

Wes said...

Philo, if Billy Volek is the answer then I dont want to know the answer

swing4 said...

Isn't Gruden, a former QB himself, pretty loyal to his quarterbacks? I remember he stuck with Gannon through a couple years of the public second guessing him. I realize the circumstances were a little different there, what with Gannon not being a latently gay rookie, and all. But still, I wouldn't be surprised to see him grind Simms into early-onset alcoholism by sticking with him as a starter. After all, it's not like he's Aaron Brooks.

Philo said...

Wes, We are watching what happens when you don't try Volek. It's not like there are a dozen great QB's just sitting in Free Agency looking for work. I think most of the QB troubles we are seeing is due to bad O-Lines around the league.

Wes said...

of course, the second "answer" should have read "question"...

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

(crying in my beer)

I never thought I say this but - I miss brian Griese.