Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Men In Scarves Belong Nowhere Near The Sex Cannon


Huge props go out to The Big Lead (I cannot emphasize their awesomeness enough) for uncovering the inevitable. I can only assume this is what Grossman was talking about when he told reporters after the Packer loss in Week 17:

"I was going to play about a half, it's the last game, New Year's Eve, and there were so many factors that brought my focus away from what is actually important."

Don't be fooled by this shy little quote. Sexy Rexy knows damn well what is "actually important." In fact, he has a list of it in his locker:

Rextasy's List of Actually Important Things:
-Fucking this bitch
-Fucking that bitch
-Fucking anything that moves


And buddy in the scarf, you are in the way of Rex getting to some vitally important poon tang. So fuck off. Go listen to a Barenaked Ladies CD, or read a Bill Simmons chat or do whatever it is that douchebags do. Get the hell out of the Sex Cannon's line of fire. There's no telling when that sumbitch is gonna go off in your face. Take notes, Rachel Nichols.

26 comments:

keevinfizzle said...

What the fuck you lookin at, I'll kick yo fuckin ass! Shit yeah. Doesn't that fucker owe me 10 bucks? You know, fuckin tonight, we're gonna rip off that fucker's head, and take out his fuckin' SOUL. Hey, what's up baby, what's up, sluts?

Unsilent Majority said...

Is that NFL Live on the tv?

fallex said...

Scarfboy is waiting for Rexy to shove that bottle up his ass and give him the Bismarck.

fallex said...

Yep, kids. Always preview.
Bismarck

flubby said...

Rex no doubt had a hot piece of ass waiting in the other room, and knew she would be down with a little light bondage. After the picture was taken, Rextacy asked the dude if he could borrow the scarf for a couple of hours.

The Pirate Sloth said...

The scarf dude IS one of Rextacy's conquests - Rex was tearing up the sex room he has in his house, and when Rex is on a tear in the sex room...no one is safe. And the scarf dude got a little too close, Rex roped him in and mounted him in his Rextacy fury.

And now the scarf dude adores Rex.

True story.

Rob I said...

I read Sports Guy's chat today while listening to Barenaked Ladies on the XM.

Later on, I'm gonna complete the trifecta and suck some dick.

grungedave said...

meanwhile, Jeff Garcia lines up three other guys... and makes like a circus seal.

highonLowe said...

Why don't we just get off Rex Grossman? This Packers LB just did

Angelos said...

Sexy Rexy just blew his wad over this cheerleader gallery.

MDG said...

Rexy looks like he just got done banging a chick and needs to refuel with a little captain before he bangs chicks 2&3... at the same time while scarf boy and his videographer friend tape it.

becky said...

oh Rexy, stop that. you're so sexy.

Becky said...

Rex is obviously not sexing any female hairdressers on his reign of ecstatic cumslinging.

Chris said...

At least the magnum meat force and I have one thing in common, our love for cheap booze.

doug_plank said...

Deadspin has posted an unflattering picture of Rex rexperimenting with the other team.

doug_plank said...

Here it is-

http://www.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2007/01/downgoesrex.jpg

Jackin'4Beats said...

At least he remembered to hold onto the ball. Does this position count towards his QB rating?

the magnum meat force

HAHAHA

J.L. White said...

I hope Rextacy FULLY understands the importance in this week's game against the Seahaks. In so much that if he loses, that's 3 more hours he has to tear unsuspecting women apart with his Rex Rod. Plus, with no more pratices and drills, he can cumsling to his heart's content.

Anyone who says otherwise is a Simmons-loving, Zima-drinking douche!

isaac838383 said...

The Bears really cover the whole party circuit.

Dangerous Jamacian gun runners and A&F cocktail parties.

Pass the dutchie.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

For God's sake, get those gerbils out of the way. Talk about being down in jungleland!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

It appears Rex has pretty much killed a gallon of Cuervo. Geez, not even Patron for the Pride of the Bears.
Where can the Seahawks send another gallon of amateur tequila to keep Rex in a festive state of mind.
By the bye, does Rex hold for place kicks? One can only hope.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I have heard it said by the wisemen of the Strait of Juan de Fuca, that if you sent for a trainload of assholes and they sent you Rex Grossman, you would have to pay.
So it is said, so shall it be.

WastingCompanyTime6 said...

my guess is this is what Rexy brought as his present to this party

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-5grqhj1b8

Signal to Noise said...

Rextasy made sure he had a little Captain in him before he made sure all the ladies in the place got a little of his Captain in them.

highonLowe said...

I guess no one clicks embedded links? I linked it yesterday.
Deadspin's Rex getting anal-drilled pic was posted Monday on Eternal Stench.
http://eternal-stench.blogspot.com/2007/01/rex-grossman-has-trouble-focusing.html

Michele said...

Are you serious? What woman in her right mind would sleep with THAT!?! And no, I'm not talking about ScarfBoy...