Men In Scarves Belong Nowhere Near The Sex Cannon

Huge props go out to The Big Lead (I cannot emphasize their awesomeness enough) for uncovering the inevitable. I can only assume this is what Grossman was talking about when he told reporters after the Packer loss in Week 17:

"I was going to play about a half, it's the last game, New Year's Eve, and there were so many factors that brought my focus away from what is actually important."

Don't be fooled by this shy little quote. Sexy Rexy knows damn well what is "actually important." In fact, he has a list of it in his locker:

Rextasy's List of Actually Important Things:
-Fucking this bitch
-Fucking that bitch
-Fucking anything that moves

And buddy in the scarf, you are in the way of Rex getting to some vitally important poon tang. So fuck off. Go listen to a Barenaked Ladies CD, or read a Bill Simmons chat or do whatever it is that douchebags do. Get the hell out of the Sex Cannon's line of fire. There's no telling when that sumbitch is gonna go off in your face. Take notes, Rachel Nichols.