Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Bears Fans Can Rhyme Quickly

We knew it was just a matter of time before the Remix of the Bears' Super Bowl Shuffle made its way through the womb and showered us with all its literary glory.

The wait is over.

KSK reader/Bears fan Sarah Spain (top, left) graces us with her lyrical genius with her rendition of the shuffle, including ten verses about her favorite players. Unfortunately for most of us, this work does not include references of gay innuendo, anal solicitation, felching, fellatio, space docking, over-developed embryos posing as a quarterback's cranium, studying of amateur pornographic videos for tendencies, insinuation of marijuana smuggling, pedophilia involving troop leaders of the Boy Scouts of America, allusion to group climax on someone's face, gambling advice, Christmas Ape's cat, flatulence, comparisons of a woman's breasts to pancakes, weekly awards in memoriam of dead zookeepers, homerism regarding the Steelers, Vikings, Bengals, Seahawks, Redskins, and/or Raiders.

Nor does it contain kvetches about the Blogger hamster, Katrina jokes, TO suicide jokes, soliloquies of league commissioners' college days, whoring for votes to win an online award, Glengarry Glen Ross references, player interviews inspiring awkwardness measured in units contrary to the metric system, comparisons of quarterbacks to finer wines, episodes of defecation in reusable kitchen storage containers, beer guts, man-dating advice, digs on Bill Simmons, Gregg Easterbrook, Mike Lupica, Peter King, Dr. Z, Joe Buck, Diddy, every head coach in the league except for Mike Tomlin, Jews, Asian-Americans, spaceheaded cheerleaders, African-American analysts who sound like Scooby Doo, Merrill Hoge, Cris Collinsworth, artichoke dip, baseball, the BCS, Jesus, thebigO, the NFL Network, the city of Baltimore, Will Leitch's shampoo, or Kate Mara.

And yet, I still enjoyed it. See for yourself, why don't you?

53 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

god damn i love this place.

good work sarah, we appreciate female fans who can dress the part while keeping their femininity

MDG said...

I'd do her

Unsilent Majority said...

stay classy mdg

Unsilent Majority said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ezgrViH9VI

rsr26 (aka Johnny Utah) said...

yes, yes, yes.

Christmas Ape said...

WE DIDN'T START THE SEX CANNON!!!

It was always fucking since the Saints been sucking.

TheBigO said...

I'd do all 3 of 'em at the same time. SKEET, SKEET, SKEET!!

TheBigO said...

"African-American analysts who sound like Scooby Doo, Merrill Hoge, Cris Collinsworth, artichoke dip, baseball, the BCS, Jesus, thebigO, the NFL "

That's great, I'm like that dude El Guapo from the 3 amigos' I'm so famous, I'm infamous.

Monday Morning Punter said...

Come on fellas, let's act like we've been around pretty girls before (even if we haven't).

Otto Man said...

I knew the comments would all be about the picture. But frankly, I'm a little disappointed you people haven't taken this up to HornCon 3 by now.

And you call yourselves perverts. For shame.

Grimey said...

Why no verse for Adewale Ogunleye?

doug_plank said...

Nice job, Sarah!

You make us proud.

Maybe a verse on Brad Maynard the real MVP against the Saints.

BEAR DOWN!!

Unsilent Majority said...

We don't call ourselves perverts, we call you people perverts.

perverts

Coke Zero said...

Well, if MGD won't say it, I will.

I would plow all 3 of them, especially blondie

Otto Man said...

Thanks for the correction, UM.

I guess it's true what they say -- when you point one finger at someone else, the rest are pointing back at you. Especially if the other hand is buried in your pants.

Jackin'4Beats said...

I'd do all 3 of 'em at the same time. SKEET, SKEET, SKEET!!

thebigo is clearly Lil' John in disguise. Still funny though.

Nice job Sarah - always good to see that good looking women pay close attention to football.

Maybe some of these pervs have a shot after all.

I was still waiting for that verse about Justin "12" Gage shootin' up Miami as part of the WORLD FAMOUS group Rexstacy and the Sex Cannons.

Chris said...

We don't call ourselves perverts, we call you people perverts.

perverts


you people? who you callin you people? i think it's time for a house meetin ya'll

ps - bonus points for anyone who gets that reference

Unsilent Majority said...

yes, we've all seen the mad real world fifty times

Unsilent Majority said...

actually i just watched it last night...

Otto Man said...

Dave Chapelle's Real World spoof.

Please mail me my bonus points at:

Otto Man
Secretary of Booty
Department of the Posterior
Washington, DC

TheBigO said...

"Katie has some big ass tittays" - Tron.

MDG said...

Question about the blonde is that a cloth C pinned to her Bo Jackson jersey to make it look like a bears jersey?

Unsilent Majority said...

either that or the sex cannon started wearing lipstick and totally missed the mark.

Otto Man said...

I thought it was a Scarlet C for cockteasery.

SteveJeltzFan said...

um, you misspelled Muhsin Muhammad in your lyrics.

and I'd like to have sex with you and my wife (hi honey!)

MDG said...

You know that actually would more likely be the work of a drunk Kyle Orton.

Jamie Mottram said...

If these girls recorded a Super Bowl Shuffle 2.0 video it'd be bigger than Box in a Box.

Unsilent Majority said...

good idea jamie, but I'd rather see them do the heisman on dat ho

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hrxqf__oz7U

MDG said...

ahh the sorority life. I miss those houses.

MDG said...

ahh the sorority life. I miss those houses.

MDG said...

so much I posted it twice.

Christmas Ape said...

MDG rushed Signa Phi Nothing.

VW: yoyous

MCBias said...

KSK: Yes, finally an attractive female reader who sends pictures and content! Now if the readership will just be nice and not freak out, we can have blog groupies by 2008!

KSK Readership: Wo-man! Boob-ies! Me want!

KSK: Um, by 2010?

MDG said...

Delta Thi Slamma

MDG said...

I'd also like to point out that Becky comments about her panties all the time so its not like there aren't hot chicks around normally.

InanimateCarbonRod said...

Worst. Shocker. Ever.

SarahSpain said...

Hey SteveJeltzFan, I changed that Muhammed spelling for ya. I was so busy making out with my friends and admiring my own rack I forgot to double check my spelling...

Becky said...

Why thank you MDG. I think.

In fairness, though, I also talk about football, and sometimes my boobs.

Becky said...

Oh, and also, fine work Sarah.

SteveJeltzFan said...

Who has time for spell check during lingerie pillow fights?

Ruthless Gravity said...

was that ghost written by Curtis Blow?

Ruthless Gravity said...

I'm waiting for the Lil Ronnie diss record reply.

Awful Chief said...

Sarah, with your ability to write new lyrics to familiar tunes, you should replace Hank Williams Jr

Germane O'Neal said...

Complete freaking genius.

Can we pretend Kyle Orton won a couple games this year for Steve Fuller redux?

"My name is Kyle, you've seen me drunk on Deadspin,
when I grow a beard, it don't stop at my chin."

Captain Caveman said...

Robbie Gould's verse should be set to SNL's "We're the Kickers."

Signal to Noise said...

Sheer brilliance.

Rexstacy and the Sex Cannons

Soon to be #1 on the pop charts with their hit single "Fudge Packers."

josh said...

actually, Kurtis Blow didn't even write "Christmas Rappin'", so I doubt he ghostwrote this.

my money's on Pharoah Monch having ghostwrote it.

oh, right, that was that Diddy song I'd wish I'd never heard.

the ladies wrote it, then. much respect to them. (insert lascivious comments here.)

Clint said...

I am pretty sure I've drilled that chick in the Bo Jackson jersey, the blonde. No really. I'm dead serious. She's a brunette now.

highonLowe said...

If we can't make lewd sexual comments to hot female readers on KSK, the terrorists have already won.

That being said,
You girls wanna play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.

Mickey Free said...

Sarah - with rhyming ability like that I think your great great great great grandmother pulled one of those black studs out of the barn or something!

- Michael Irvin

BigRicks said...

Wait...people still quote Chapelle's Show?

SarahSpain said...

Hey KSK
Like a typical woman, I'm whoring myself out.

If you know a rich person looking for a date to the Super Bowl, or someone so stinkin' rich they wanna buy me a ticket, send 'em to my EBAY to buy me as a date to the Super Bowl. Yea...I'm getting desperate.

http://cgi.ebay.com/GOT-TICKETS-TAKE-ME-AS-A-DATE-2-THE-SUPER-BOWL_W0QQitemZ270082990184QQihZ017QQcategoryZ16122QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Farker said...

I think we're a bit beyond "Getting desperate" here...