Friday, January 5, 2007

To The Victors Go The Shovelfuls Of Poontang

One of the reasons we like the NFL is that only 12 of the 32 teams make the playoffs. Unfortunately, six of them are from the NFC. Still, the postseason always makes for great games and a heightened intensity, not only because every team is trying to extend its season and attain Super Bowl glory, but because everyone realizes that success is a very good instrument for getting your name out there.

And for attaining snatch.

Success means endorsements means money. You know who likes money? That's right, the bitches. But only the heroes get the "limelight," which I think is another way of saying "Caribbean Vagina." Limes come from the Caribbean, right?

Anyway, think about the Super Bowl. You might have learned earlier this season that the late Lamar Hunt coined the term for pro football's ultimate championship (fuck you, Grey Cup, you sorry little Candian football trophy. I don't even know if it's GrEy Cup or GrAy Cup; how fucking ultimate can you be?) Everyone says that "Super Bowl" came from "Super Ball," the name of one of his kid's toys.

That's bullshit.

Lamar, his hardon for American soccer aside, was a sharp sumbitch. He had vision, and he knew that this game was going to be the greatest Trim Magnet of all time. So he was going to call the game "Super Vulva," but the phone lines weren't so good back then, see, so as he was explaining it to Pete Rozelle on the other end, the dude heard "Super Bowl," thus misnaming one of the great assemblages of our day.

And so, with the coronation of this year's twat-pounders just weeks away, this week's cheerleader pic celebrates the anticipation of our future champions:



Damn. She's the one that's all wet, but I'm the one that needs a towel.

We'll have more previews up this weekend, so stick around.

10 comments:

Signal to Noise said...

Fucking hell. Now I need a cold Gatorade bath.

Note the Miami jersey, as it's the closest anyone related to the Fins will get to any sort of celebration of victory anytime soon.

The Pirate Sloth said...

Hmmmmmmmmmm tang

Becky said...

The girl on the right has no ass! I expect more ba-donka-donk from my cheerleader posts, MMP. Though I appreciate the very dirty tone on a Friday night.

I am sure this post has nothing to do with the two Mojitos I just guzzled down. Proceed with the spanking to wet cheerleaders.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

i totally see brady quinn doing that with jeff smardkdjg9kk!zia.

Bad Becks said...

please excuse the mess while I reach for the tissue box...

Scott said...

This reminds me of the old joke of the the old woman in a home lifting up her dress and yelling out "Superpussy!" and an old man saying "I'll take the soup". Yeah, it's better when you say it outloud. OK, not that much better.

WeJamEcono said...

Becky is right. A little more junk is needed. It makes the spanking that much nicer.

TroubleHelix said...

what is with the nbc announcers pulling the word 'scamper' out of their thesaurus for the colts game?
running tally at 2

swing4 said...

From and article on the MSNBC website (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16282622/wid/11915773?GT1=8816)

"The penis, says Eid, is wonderfully resilient. But everything has its limits. Penile tissues, if given too roistering or prolonged a pummeling, can sustain damage. In cases you'd just as soon not hear about, permanent damage."

"'I see it in pro football players,' says Eid. 'They use Viagra because they're so sexually active. What they demand of their body is unreasonable. It's part of playing football: you play through the pain. This type of guy doesn't listen to his body. He takes a shot of cortisone, and keeps on going. And they have sex in similar fashion.'"

© 2007 Forbes.com

So, don't cry, boys. You're actually doing yourselves a favor by not getting laid like a pro baller. No pun intended.

Mike said...

So does this mean that Josh Brown will finally get a date with Carrie Underwood?