Saturday, January 20, 2007

KSK Stereotype Theater


I've always said that the networks should blow up every notion of what a commentating crew should be, and put three people in the booth: one play-by-play guy and a knowledgeable die-hard fan of each team on the field. Allow the fans to drink. There are limitless reasons why this is brilliant:

- Die-hard fans watch every minute of every game that their team plays in. They don't need to be fed facts from assistant producers about how their team's defense does on third-and-long or how the line play has been inconsistent in short-yardage scenarios.

- Even blowouts would be entertaining. For example, let's look at the Seahawks' 37-6 Week 4 loss to the Bears, and how I'd react after six beers to some Bear fan needling:

Bears Fan: Wow, the Seahawks just really didn't show up tonight, huh?
Me: [audible sigh] Yeah.
Bears Fan: Hey, Matt.
Me: What?
Bears Fan: Daaaaaaa... Bears.


- Enthusiasm is contagious. Not only would it make watching games with your favorite team more exciting, but you'd get wrapped up in other games by how much you hated or enjoyed other team's fan announcers.

- And of course, announcers would finally point out the Manning Face. Just like this guy will tomorrow.

21 comments:

Spectacular Sam said...

As insufferable as Massholes are, that was damn funny.

killawatt said...

That was hilarious.

Don't worry CC, in a future, more enlightened time, we'll all enjoy the type of commentary you describe. Imagine how much money hte networks would save on color guys? The diehahhhds would line up outside the stadium for a week to do it for free!

McFad said...

Color and colored guys, Solomon Wilcots eat your heart out. They'd bring the Siragusa angle too. Say Dwight Freeney crushes the Dreamboat. The Colts fan and Pats fan can do their own replay, and a booth brewhaha ensues. Roger Goodell creams in his pants.Multiple Emmys follow.

Christmas Ape said...

That was pretty good, up until he boasts about Brady's manliness by noting he's banging Leonardo DiCaprio's ex-girlfriend.

Apparently Gisele's not impressive enough for this guy. In order for him think it's cool that Tom Brady is with her, he has to note that Leo beat Brady to the box.

Also: Lord of the Rings references ruin everything.

Signal to Noise said...

I am all for that idea, because after jock-tearing, bone-crunching hits, you would get commentary along the lines of say, the Madden commercial where virtual Dallas Clark gets his head ripped off after the catch. Now imagine that if Vrabel or Bruschi did something similar and they had fans in the booth tomorrow. Awesome.

Referring to Brady's nuts as Golden Globes is a definite "know how I know you're gay?" moment.

J.L. White said...

As great (and very unlikely) your idea is CC, it would be an utter nightmare if used during a potential Pats/Bears Super Bowl. Each one of those fan bases are annoying as hell by themselves, then imagine them combined, shoved down our throats for two whole weeks, then including them on the telecast and causing my ears to bleed before the 3rd quarter even ends.

And I'm not sure I'd be drunk enough by then not to notice.

SWELLESLEY said...

Im gonna feel pretty dumb if you all figured this out already, but if not ...

This Paul Fitz thing is an act. He looks a lot like (professional, whatever that means) comedian Nick Stevens, who appears on "Best Week Ever" and stuff like that. Like every comedian, hes from Boston, but the accent and the persona are totally fake.

(last row)
http://thisisjoshua.com/humans/comics/

Captain Caveman said...

I think if they appear on Best Week Ever, you're actually required to put the word "comedian" in sarcasti-quotes.

abrassive1 said...

It looks like "Titzy" had to edit out his mom yelling, "Could you cut out the Faaahkin racket, Fitzy? And get a Faaahkin job while your at it."

Protocoach said...

Daaaaa..Bears. Ohhhh, I'd love to hear that in a broadcast booth. And I'd never be adverse to sarcastic commentary about Rextacy. But let's do one better: find two guys, doesn't matter what team affiliation, each of whom abso-fucking-lutely hate one of the teams, and have that be your broadcast crew. No 5-second delay, I want to hear bitter Chargers fans calling Tom Brady a pussy after every down, angry Pats mocking the Manning Face, a Cardinal insulting the Bears. (I figure that had to be the most painful one, but we are a bunch of annoying assholes, I'm sure there's no shortage of Bear-haters)

Mike said...

That clip is just a retahded, Patriots-themed ripoff of Ask A Ninja.

feep said...

actually, i'd love to see the colts win now so that i can watch the suicidal followup post

8hrdrive said...

I kinda felt sorry for this guy knowing I tipped Al Quaida as to where the RCA Dome is located.

Then it passed. He's still funny.

Rob I said...

I had to mute Sports Reporters to watch this clip. In other words, THANK YOU!

Rob I said...

BTW, Dave Attell's grandson is hilarious.

the dude said...

That was funny but I think the guy was sofa king we todd ed.

Jesse said...

I liked the commentary, but he overused the belching in the same way HBO's "Deadwood" overuses the word cocksucker. Just because you can doesn't necessarily mean you should...

dbvader said...

The guy rips off jokes and string them together very well.

BigRicks said...

golden globes in tom brady's nutsack, that's pretty funny. I hafta say.

I eat puppy turds kind of made me laugh too...This guys alright.

Kyle said...

They actually do this with on Sky in the UK for some of the EPL games you can choose to hear commentary from two of the fans of the teams who are playing.

Sky also did it for the superbowl the last coouple of years but since the UK fans who were on it were a) dumb and b) British, the trash talking was exceptionally poor.

Thom Keith said...

Actually, I'm more inclined to believe that Paul Fitzpatrick is the real guy and Nick Stevens is the fake persona. Rabid Boston sportsdom cannot be faked -- we smell a fake a mile away.