Monday, January 29, 2007

People Of Miami, The Sex Cannon Is Here To F--k


Well, the Bears landed yesterday. And if you don't think The Sex Cannon That Is Rex Grossman will be using the next seven days to film his own personal gonzo porn miniseries, you are wrong. It'll be like Angels in America, except not queer.

Reader Justin sent me this photo, but even better was the link he sent me to the footage of Rex Grossman shooting a Got Milk ad. Nothing can really prepare you for this. Suffice it to say, Sexy Rexy is quite amused to find that, for once, he's the one getting the facial.

58 comments:

devang said...

Sorry for the threadjack, but her comes the self-important douchiness.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/070129

Bulger in My Pants said...

Rextacy looked a little too happy with that mustache on. He's obviously had thick white fluid around his mouth many, many times before.

Captain Caveman said...

Devang, get thee to the message board. Anyone caught talking about Simmons in a Sex Cannon post will get blackballed.

Meaning: I will punch you in the nuts until they turn black.

devang said...

Sorry CC. Still learning the etiquette of the KSK gay mafia.

Bottle of Popov make it up guv'nor?

devang said...

Sorry CC. Still learning the etiquette of the KSK gay mafia.

Bottle of Popov make it up guv'nor?

devang said...

sorry for the double post

MemphisRaines said...

Rexy had "a few loose ends to tie up" before he could fully concentrate on the game. Was Rachel Nichols in Chicago last week?

MCBias said...

Jim Tressel is seething in envy at that sweater vest.

Chris said...

Is Rex giving everyone a glimpse at his "O" face?


Interesting side note, the sex cannon and I share the same taste in mens sunglasses.

Walklett said...

There was no need for words in this post, the picture was waay to fucking cool for mere words.

His interview made him seem slightly retarded, and by that i mean completely awesome.

No way was that milk in the glass.

becky said...

sweater vests make me hot.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Becky, I think we all know he swiped that look from Timberlake.

becky said...

Funny you should mention that, since nobody makes me hot like JT. But this is a football site, so I'll "settle" for Sexy Rexy.

MCBias said...

Becky's comment becomes a lot funnier if you're dumb like me and initially think "JT" is for Jim Tressel.

rock_n_rye said...

Nine months from now Miami will be overrun with litters of Rextuplets.

Grimey said...

I wonder if that plane had a flight attendant that showed Rexy where all the exits were located.

becky said...

how do you know it doesn't?

wv: dakop.
if you see dakop this week, give tank a heads-up.

Big Daddy Drew said...

I think Grossman looks somewhat like comedian Nick Swardson in that photo. But that's just me.

Bulger in My Pants said...

Becky's comment becomes a lot funnier if you're dumb like me and initially think "JT" is for Jim Tressel.

mwcb,

Jim Tressel gets ALL the ladies hot. The vest, the glasses... ooh, I better stop - I'm turning myself on.

becky said...

I actually have a completely sexual crush on Nick Swardson. You're in my head today, Big Daddy.

doug_plank said...

"Bring on the sexy stews, man!!!"

Rex obviosly hononring the "little Sex cannon", who will be performing at the half time show, by wearing the purple vest.


And do I mean his crank not Prince.

Big Daddy Drew said...

So I think we can agree that Becky's type ranges from juvenile to prepubescent.

Nicholas! You should fight crime!!!!!

Signal to Noise said...

"This milk moustache shit doesn't make me Kevin Spacey gay, does it?"

Lisa said...

My son has asked for a new Bears jersey to wear to a Super Bowl party, and since we live in Arkansas, our options are limited to Urlacher or Grossman. Who did he pick?

That's right. Even 9-year-old boys are not immune from the Rextasy.

FenwayFaithful78 said...

Can we say multiple orgasms?

In the immortal words of Paris Hilton- "That's hot"

Grimey said...

When I was at the Bears-Bucs game this year, everybody and their impregnated girlfriend had on an Urlacher jersey, with the exception of what I described as "a smattering of Rex Grossman jerseys, mostly worn by females and small boys who don't know any better."

save the steagles said...

I think when his "Sex Cannon" alter-ego started to become mainstream Lovie demanded he tone down the sex with the purple sweater vest. Clearly, it did not work.

Mike said...

Lovie demanded he tone down the sex with the purple sweater vest. Clearly, it did not work.

To the contrary, a man with the killer combination of lavender sweater-wearing brass ball mojo, and a lack of the real style-sense to pull it off (read: Everyone Knows He's Straight), is gonna be pulling more tail than a 4 year-old at a retarded kitten Convention.

Rex has stepped it up to the next level. He may play Sunday in flip-flops & shorts.

clnr said...

Add that 'milk' mustache with the guy in this pic and everything is clear!
http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/media/photo/2007-01/27546175.jpg

save the steagles said...

With both my parents being FSU grads, I was taught from birth to stay away from Gator boys. Unfortunately for them, they could not have predicted such a Sex Cannon could come out of that lowly school, with a laser arm and finely groomed eyebrows, and throw all their warnings to shit.

Clint said...

Drew you left us clamoring for more....I was sad to see only two little paragraphs dedicated to Rex's week of fucking.

BTW: did anyone do a double take and think that it was Corbin Bernsen handing Grossman that glass of milk?

McFad said...

During the interview you can just see Rex mentally banging all female members of that guys family.

Holly said...

The sweater vest is worn to lull us all into thinking he's mellowed. That's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side. From the Sex Cannon you didn't even know was there.

Clever girl.

Grimey said...

Sorry to correct you, holly, but I believe all of the Sex Cannon's attacks come from the rear.

Holly said...

Rexy can find holes anywhere.

Becky said...

Somehow this would be better if he were wearing a purple helmet.

WV: jsrxxz

Jizz Rexxy? I think so.

FlamingFud said...

SC: What is this? This doesn't taste like cow's milk....this tastes funky. Kinda... sweet yet authoritarian. What? You milked Eric Mangini? Christ, this'll make my sperm potent enough to knock up the third chick in line for the snowball.

MDG said...

The Sex Cannon does take just one angle to attack it's like an all out blitzkrieg on every front.

MDG said...

that'd be does not. Rex gets me a little excited.

rar288 said...

If you think the purple sweater-vest is going to turn down the teenage girl obsession with rextacy, you are dead wrong. That look would totally win Jerry Azumah's GQ.

With the big boy knot comes the big boy watch!

Kudos to those who have any idea what I'm talking about.

Walklett said...

Sir Rex Alot makes his own holes.

Laser Rocket Arm said...

OMG, Sex Cannon in a v-neck. I can see the panties flying from here.

bleedjetgreen said...

I nearly blew mangini milk out my nose reading the comments from Ed. Well done, sir.

Also, did anyone catch Rexy mentioning his WIFE?! WTF!!!! The Sex Cannon is married?! The mind boggles...

I want pics of Ms Cannon ASAP!!! Where is the KSK Gay Mafia when you need them?

save the steagles said...

There's a picture of the lucky Mrs. Rextasy here:

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/01/the_notverylong_2.html

Laser Rocket Arm said...

What a shock, she's blonde.

Bulger in My Pants said...

Dear laser rocket arm,

STOP THE HATE

Blondes are awesome.

Bulger in My Pants said...

Re:
http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/01/the_notverylong_2.html

I had no idea the Garrard's took part in the Matrix trilogy.

FenwayFaithful78 said...

She brought receivers gloves on their honeymoon?! She was probably thinking " OK I know this kid is softer than a sneaker full of shit but come hell of high water he's gonna make me a fuckin millionaire! GIDDY UP SEX CANNON!"

ERR..or something like that. Maybe not....

Laser Rocket Arm said...

Bulger In My Pants--

Some are.

:D

Chris said...

So the sex cannon is a fan of the blonde's. I pegged him as more of a red head fan myself.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Check out the quotes from this interview on the Super Bowl Cumslinger...

Interview

"Tonight there's no curfew and then the rest of the week we have a curfew...".

That just means that tonight is the night, so ladies get ready to be Rexterminated - no panties allowed.

Damn, I'm cheering for the Bears already and we've got 6 days left!!!!

Jackin'4Beats said...

Drew - it is true that a picture tells 1000 words. Nuff said about the Sex Cannon on day 1. BUT... we've got to hear more during Media Day. KSK Gay Mafia, do your thing.

The Andre Waters Experience said...

Dear SavetheSteagles:

If in fact you are a woman, that you would choose such a name means that we were fated to be. I will arrive for you shortly.

If you are not, in fact, a woman, it's been awhile. I will arrive for you shortly.

Regards,
'dre

save the steagles said...

I don't know how to get my picture to appear on my posts, but yes, I am indeed a woman.

Texas Gal said...

Oh, Sex Cannon. You're not fooling me with your casual demeanor, your lavender Tresselvest, your lavender-er tie, and your 5 o'clock shadow. Because I know behind those sunglasses, you have the eyes of a predator... and you're staring down some baggage-handler chick off to the side.

Clint said...

Rextascy had just joined the "Mile High Fuck Club" minutes before that picture was taken.

gpjohn said...

i keep hearing the chorus to "sledgehammer" sung with "sex cannon"
and i like it better

butlimous said...

Thanks for the nice post!

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