Sunday, January 14, 2007

F--k. Again?


Jesus Christ. Can't I just have a nice NFL postseason without you two douchebags? You two are like a breath of stale air. GO THE FUCK AWAY. Here are my options for rooting interests next Sunday:

A) Patriots
B) Colts
C) Fucking Global Thermonuclear War

Like it's even a choice. Guhhhhhhhhh... NFC! NFC! NFC!

50 comments:

the dude said...

Those two are like cold sores.

Claude Balls said...

Don't worry Drew, this year will be different. The Colts are going to win.

Wait, that doesn't really help, does it?

whispers said...

Bwa-hah-hah-hah-hah-hahh!

(BTW, I still have no idea how the Pats just beat a much stronger team. Oh wait - they were coached by Marty "regular season" Schottenheimer.)

Bwa-hah-hah-hah-hah-hahhh!

Ross said...

Tom Brady: You look so nice in that suit and striped tie.

Peyton Manning: Thanks man, my brother has a great blazer like the one you're wearing.

Tom Brady: I'm so hard right now.

Peyton Manning: Let's take off our clothes and fuck in Tony Dungy's locker.

(Peter King wakes up from a Star Bucks-induced coma, realizing it's only a dream)

KillBillWirtz said...

Here are my options for rooting interests next Sunday:

A) Patriots
B) Colts
C) Fucking Global Thermonuclear War


If this were the Sex Cannon the options would be

A) Fucking Ashleigh van Gerven
B) Fucking them
C) Fucking Fucking Global Thermonuclear War - His orgasms are V2 - Rockets

Uncle JR said...

Fuck. Now I have to listen to yet ANOTHER week of the sports writers giving Brady verbal fellatio.

Stupid fuck who couldn't figure out it was 4th fucking down and just dropped the ball instead of going for the pick!

Prick!

beantown said...

Don't hate! The game went perfectly as planned, keep it close and let Brady drive them at the end. Just an incredible win against a team that had homefield and totally dominated the stats. This league is a quarterback league, building depth for yearly injuries and coaching. All checks for the Pats.

Bring on Horsehead, cuz' I know he is shitting in his pats right now. Cut that meat!

Christmas Ape said...

Let's see: in victory, Brady threw three picks and Peyton only two.

Edge: Slitting my throat.

peytonloveskenny said...

I pick C.

beantown said...

CA - good one. But going into SD with a week's rest wasn't going to be pretty, SD was loaded on both sides of the ball and Peyton should have had four picks. You may hate the Pats and are sick of them but what a fucking win. There was more than a couple of chancesa that SD could have strectched it to a couple of scores and caused serious trouble.

Ross said...

ok Bill Simmons, stop logging in as beantown and get back to fucking the sports gal while pretending she's Tom Brady.

InanimateCarbonRod said...

On the upside: maybe Brady and Manning will be too busy playing in the postseason to make any Superbowl commercials.

I do hope that Schottenheimer reveals what he did to piss off God so much. I'd hate to inadvertently bring that kind of wrath on myself.

Grimey said...

How about a nice game of chess?

Eric said...

in the early 90's, i hated the cowboys. hated them. to be more specific, i hated every last annoying bandwagon fan who crawled out of the woodwork, clutching their cowboys jersey and swearing up and down to anyone who would listen that they were cowboys fans "when they were 1 and 15!!!"

bullshit. they were fans of sucking balls when the cowboys were 1 and 15.

never once during this period did it ever occur to me to hate troy aikman. or emmitt smith. or hell, even michael irvin. why would i? seems kinda stupid. it wasn't their fault that their fans (including the ones in sports media) were so frickin' annoying.

so, i'm puzzled by the anti-brady and anti-manning fervor. now, you might say that as a pats fan, it's only natural that i would be anti-anti-brady fervor. but by that same logic, i would be totally on board with the anti-manning fervor, and i'm not. again, why would i? first of all, he's, like, really good at football. some of you who watch the sport may have noticed that. no? ok, never mind.

as an added bonus, he's never been pulled over with 6 handguns in his car. he's never been present in a strip club when a member of his entourage shot someone. to my knowledge, neither brady nor manning have ever done anything truly stupid or obnoxious, which seems to put them in a relatively small group in the nfl. and yet, these are the best guys you can find to hate. because they succeed and don't make asses out of themselves. nice job.

Son of Brock Landers said...

Pats vs Colts XVI the whole nation loses

Eric Stratton said...

Manning is a class A douchebag who craps on his teammates when they don't stop the run, then has the nerve to say that the game turned out as he envisioned it during a postgame interview!

I guess he thought, "OK. Best case scenario. Since it's the playoffs, I will play like ballsweat. Hopefully the D can hold Air McNair and the Brian The Brain Billick to 6 and we can depend totally on our kicker to bail us out." Cockgobbler.

I don't even feel like getting into how terrible and unbelievably lucky Brady was today. That fumbled INT is right up there with his "tuck". If the Chargers receiver's could catch... the hung PR17 out to dry. We need Jack to off both of these assclowns Vampire-style.

dlampert said...

Brady vs. Manning? For anyone not named Simmons, "The only winning move is not to play."

Personally, I'd let the WOPR figure it out.

Mike said...

"You have two choices: Option A or Option B."

"I'll take Option C."

"Travis, there is no Option C."

"Big boy, there's always an Option C."

Beantown said...

ES - so out comes being lucky again. You win 3 out of 5 super bowls and have another great win against the number one team (the pundits would say) and it's luck right? Pretty soon you just got to admit it isn't luck. What do you need like fucking 6 super bowls in a row before you just say, OK they might have something down there at Gillette!

And yes Ross, I might make my girl where a Brady jersey and do her from behind tonight. Good times...

doug_plank said...

Did the Chargers sign "With Love" or "Best Wishes" on the tag that went with that gift wrapped game?

anon said...

As Dan Dierdorf said yesterday afternoon:

"Peyton Manning is one of the most popular players in the NFL. And why not, with all the commericials and the personality?"

Beantown said...

DP - rookie QB! Soo make that 1 out of 14 of the last QBs playing in their first playoff game to win. And the Patriots are 5-0 against the last five MVPs of the league, you know if anybody is keeping score.

"you play two win the game" - Herm Edwards.

Son of Brock Landers said...

beantown: delhomme and big ben both won their first starts in the postseason. there have been 13 others to start a playoff game for the first time since big ben's win?

Signal to Noise said...

beantown - yes, lucky and good. Lucky that the Chargers bailed his ass out and good enough to drive for the last field goal.

Pass the razor this way when the rest of you are done.

MoneyMouth said...

How can you even say that your not intrigued by the matchup. Its two of the best teams with two of the best coaches and two of the best players at the quarterback position. You may have seen it before but its like Ali v Frazier, and I wont mind watching it again.

peter king crowned my ass said...

Moneymouth, don't forget to keep the box of Kleenex by the TV. You're mother is tired of carpet stains in her basement.

Fornelli said...

Marty Schottenheimer cost the Chargers a chance to win that game with his dumbass challenge of the McRee fumble.

And I have a lawyer on retainer, so I would know.

Rusty said...

Yay Patriots!

Schottenheimer made three killer bonehead decisions.

1. Going for it on 4th and 11 in the first quarter when they could have kicked a 47 yard field goal.

2. The weird challenge after the INT-turned-fumble

3. Watching a Patriot getting tackled and then waiting 25 seconds before calling timeout with 2:15 left. A total waste of that final timeout.

I used to defend Schottenheimer as being a good coach. I totally take it back.

Thanks, Marty!

Becky said...

You all know I get happy in my pants over Tom Brady.

And even I wanted San Diego to win. I need a new fucking storyline! Please, if there is a god, let Rex Grossman become a Super Bowl quarterback...

The Pirate Sloth said...

Rextacy does not deserve a Super Bowl Ring. Go Peyton! This is your year muthafucka!!!!

(no offense Becky and all other women who want to fuck the cum out of Tom Brady...but he does not need to be on our radars again)

The Hater said...

Peyton Manning is a human wasteland devoid of personality and charisma. In five years or so, after his joints start aching and the hits take their toll, he'll hang up his cleats without ever winning a Super Bowl, go home and weep as he fellates a .45 revolver and spares us from Dan Marino 2.0 on NFL coverage. And I think we should all thank him for it.

Tom Brady, on the other hand, has sex with lots of hot chicks and wins Super Bowls. I would party with him if there were no Sex Cannon.

It's a moot point, though: no one is beating the Saints this year. The Rog wants them to win.

hakeem said...

Peyton Manning is certainly full or a certain sense of charisma -- unfortunately, for presumedly all of us that are reading this blog, that sense of charisma appeals to your mother, who's probably somewhere between 50-65.

Or Colts fans.

Koos said...

I get the whole "it's been done" thing before. I really do. And the entire Manning clan can suck my left one. Hell, I live in Rhode Island, so you know Tom Brady is everywhere all the time anyway and I'm sick of it. I "get" your "hate".

But all the whining isn't funny. It just makes you sound like 12-year old drama queens. (Note: not you, BDD. "Fucking Global Thermonuclear War" was clearly hysterical. But it said everything that needed to be said about the upcoming AFC Championship).

As we all know, Option C is to shut the fuck up and enjoy the game (even for you "haters", at least one of those people you "hate" will lose big, natch). There's only three football games left until the offseason. Even if this game were the Lions vs. my local Girl Scout Troop, I'd be watching (and rooting for the underdog Lions, too!).

So buck up, bandwagonners and anti-bandwaggoners. Even pretty-boy football is still football. And an oportunity for humor.

As a final note: Mr. beantown? Cripes, you make those of us that breath the same air as you awfully embarrassed. Stop trying to win an "argument" on a humor site.

{ k }

The Moose said...

Of course, they could both pull hammys in warmups and we see a Jim Sorgi-Vinny Testaverde AFC Championship!

Ross said...

The best thing that could happen is the Bears winning the Super Bowl. Not only could we get 2 weeks of Sex Cannon jokes leading up to the Super Bowl, but the post celebration orgy jokes could be endless. Let's go cumslinger, KSK nation advises you to fire at will.

dusty said...

I am quite hungover after drinking an entire gallon of Skyy AFTER the game.

I just re-read the Peter King/Tony Romo sex post..and inserted Marty for King. I feel a little better but I am still hungover, and will be hoping the Saints win from here out.

bleedjetgreen said...

Koos... well said all around. Can't wait for this weekends games, even if it is Colts Pats AGAIN and the result is a foregone conclusion...

As a Jets fan, I cannot hate on the Belicheck-Brady team enough. Belicheck betrayed us and went to the Pats, so he can suck my left one. Plus, he's a douche to his family. His wife divorced him and the only way his kids get to see him is if they carry his clipboard on Sunday. Nice! And yes, I realize that Brady is a class act, but it doesn't mean I have to like him. Would a Red Sox fan ever root for Derek Jeter? Yeah, I thought so...

My hatred is so ripe, I found myself screaming at the tv on Sunday, as the Chargers GAVE the game to the Pats. The irony is that Marty decided to play aggressive/stupid (4th & 11 and you go for it?!) when playing "Martyball" would have won the game. The Pats could not stop LT, but Marty only gave LT 25 touches! Brutal, just brutal...

The only solution for me this weekend - root like hell for the Colts and pray for some sort of miracle. I can't believe I have to root for a donkey raping shit eater, but what other choice is there.

Beantown said...

Jets fans are so cute aren't they? LIke how they thought they had a chance going into Gillette the week before during the playoffs, that's just precious!

Clint said...

Brady wins AGAIN!

Jack Fu said...

The Fucking Patriots and the Fucking Colts. Ugh. Does anyone have a blunt instrument that I can use to brain myself?

bleedjetgreen said...

beantown... Isn't there some masturbatory Belicheck/Brady blog you cou can hang at?

You've had the ride of your life with the Pats the last six years. I'm stuck with sloppy coaching seconds (Mangini), a QB that can't complete a seven yard out and, to top it off, I'll be rooting for that dick-licker Peyton Manning this weekend.

Bottom line - This blog is all that keeps me sane this time of year. Shut up and enjoy your run and leave the rest of us suffering fans alone with our KSK misery.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

C. No question.

Darrin said...

This might be the single greatest blog post ever. Agreeance.

wannabeTom said...

wow...... Some heavy thoughts going here. For a minute I thought I was listening to 15 year son's buddys all talking. some where really funny though. All I can say is GO PATS..... This luck/success doesn't last forever, so enjoy it while ya got it cuz next year it could be some other team.

I like Peyton but I hate Peyton. I rooted somewhat for the Jets until the Tuna spoiled and turned green. Herm Edwards, good man, bring him to Foxborro. You guys can keep Maggot-ginni and that pussy Chadwicks of Pennington. Its all fun and may the owner with the most money pay off the officials.... kinda like with the Steelers last year.... we all the Seahawks were robbed. By the way... where is the steel jock strap now ? oh.... at home like the rest of us... only most of them have a couple mil in the bank.

We gripe because we've made these gamers what they are today. RICH....... Good day.

400lb Big F***ing Gorilla! said...

The longer I looked at that picture of Tom and Peyton, the more I to realizee how gay they both are? Tom has that "I just pumped Peyton's ass full of nut-butter" look on his face. Does anyone else see that?

Christmas Ape said...

Wannabetom is perhaps the stupidest person ever to comment on this blog, if only by suggesting that the Rooneys paid lots of money for anything, even a Super Bowl title.

Also: I hope to fucking God the Pats get Herm Edwards for a head coach.

J.L. White said...

Can I just say how refreshing it is for my team to exit the playoffs with our heads held high? No embarrassing OT pick-6, no groin shots from the refs, nothing. The Seahawks played almost as well as they have ever played this season yesterday, and almost came away with a win. At this point, I don't give a shit who else is playing.

How long until a PK/Peyton/Brady three-way post?

Beantown said...

Don't worry you guys can fuck with me when the Sox meltdown after the All-Star break like every year!

Christmas Ape - you understood what wannabetom was saying? You get props just for that...

ilse said...

I hate all the options for Super Bowl winners.

Pats? Same shit, different day. And I wouldn't do Tom Brady with my fat cousin's cooz.

Colts? Manning finally cements his legacy, gets the monkey off his back, yada yada yada. Go film another commercial. I'd call him a fucking sellout, but you can't sell out unless you had some integrity to begin with.

Saints? God's anointed miracle babies, each and every one of whom saved a puppy from drowning. Puke.

Bears? Worst.One-seed.EVAR! The best hope there is that Rexstacy throws three picks, Lovie pulls him for Griese, Griese gets his leg broken in Theismannesque fashion, and we get The Neckbeard.

Christ. I'm going to go beat myself to death with my own stiletto heel so I don't have to watch this shit.

And I say this as a Bears fan.

Clint said...

beantown, fuck em. Their team is Struggggggling. GO BRADY! GO PATS! GO HOODIE! I can't see Brady over Peyton enough fuckin' times. I am living for sunday.