Thursday, January 25, 2007

The Spain Train Returns, Derails
All Over The eBays On Way To Miami

(Thanks to With Leather for the original tip-off.)




You probably remember KSK poet laureate Sarah Spain. Well, she really wants to go to the Super Bowl. So she went ahead and did what any of us would do if we needed a date, she put herself on eBay to be auctioned off to the highest bidder.

Wait, what?

Sarah, who holds a Bachelor's Degree in English from Cornell, advertised to be in Miami next Sunday, where her Bears will play in Super Bowl XLI. She auctioned (?) off the privilege to take her to the game. "I LOVE football, LOVE the Bears, can drink with the best of them, and let's be honest, I'm darn cute," her ad reads. "This need not be said, but just in case...I am NOT an escort. This is a good ol' fashioned date. I will however buck tradition and, as the lady, spring for the beer and food. Only SERIOUS inquiries."

Um, actually, I'm almost certain that it needed to be said. But the free nachos and beer would have been, um, nice.

And the bids for a seat on the Spain Train rolled in; 116 bids have already maxed out the eBays, literally, at $ 99,999,999. "Bidder 43" is the lucky (and so to be broke, maybe) man. The bidders appeared reputable by the little colored stars by there names, but after the bids made steep jumps to 5k, 40k, and 100k, it kinda looked like bullshit. We're watching the page to see what happens.

We don't know if Sarah is going to the Super Bowl or not. Do we care? I typed up the following as bids were rolling in; it was just fucking surreal, so I feel obligated to leave it in:

You hear people talk about punitive damages and slave reparations and you think to yourself, "How can you put a price on a person's life like that?" In a way, I am asking myself that very question right now. Sarah, from what little I've seen, is one of Those Girls that, if she came up to and smiled and started talking to you, you'd swear someone was playing a joke on you, fucking with you. But in that time it takes you to doubt, that time when you actually think that she thought you were interesting, worth talking to, you feel like King Of The Fucking World. How much would somebody pay to have that feeling? The answer is unfolding before our very eyes, as guys are outbidding each other for just a taste.

"This is as exciting as watching the first round of the NCAA Tournament," I yelled over the cubicle wall as I told my colleages about the auction.

"Hell, no!" Tex replied. "This is way better!"

So it was pretty exciting for a while. But, things being what they are now, it looks like a glorified, eight-figure cocktease. We may get answers from Sarah herself sometime today if she answers our email, provided she's not too busy counting her newfound fortune, or "busy making out with [her] friends and admiring [her] own rack."

If something super-awesome comes out of this, we'll pass it along. But, until then, we're pretty much done.

UPDATE: eBay finally took down the page.

49 comments:

Otto Man said...

Now my pants are chafing.

MDG said...

So wrong its right.

MDG said...

And now that I actually looked at the ebay page I'd like to say thank you for my new wallpaper. Is that creepy? Whatev.

LButler36 said...

The seat number and row filled in the xxx doesnt help her look unescortish. Ya, thats a word.

highonLowe said...

Congrats on auctioning off your self-respect! Now you just have to pay the standard ebay listing price of 1.5% of the sale price, so approx. $1,499,99.
Have fun at the superbowl!

MDG said...

I was thinking how in the world is a girl like this single

Well she's probably impossible to please, probably only dates guys that have square jaws blue eyes and drive BMW's.

I'd still do her though.

$klimp$ said...

I tell ya, if I spend 100 grand on a date, someone's getting fucked.

I like how "Bidder 43" is also bidding on womens handbags.

Danny G said...

Sarah's Myspace

Needless to say, I'd hit it. But not for 100k.

Ruthless Gravity said...

And to think, I gave up my ticket when I realize the Redskins had no shot.

Danny G said...

My Bad...

www.myspace.com/spainy

Stupid HTML

Bulger in My Pants said...

$klimp$:

If you spend $100K on a date, you ARE getting fucked, but not in the good way.

Becky said...

Yeah, that's just wrong on a lot of levels...

Crawford said...

NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU, SARAH SPAIN!

Geez...

Grimey said...

Same thing happened with Homestar Runner's leftover burrito. Within minutes, it was sitting on six figures.

dbvader said...

She seems to be a transplanted Lincoln Park Trixie.

Jordi said...

I like how her Shipping and Handling is Free. That made me smile and cream my jeans at the same time.
Gotta wonder what you get if the Bears win? Probably plenty of excited cute hopefully drunk emotional sex. Not too much to ask, is it?

Relativity said...

Looking at her myspace, she looks like a Chicago trick.

"All men are emotionally challenged. That sounds harsh, but, in reality, I'm being quite generous. I'm allowing for the possibility that men do, in fact, have emotions at all. The likelihood that these emotions present a challenge to them is without question." - Sarah

Let me put it like this. You know how we have toilets as a species? That’s because running around shitting all over ourselves and sleeping in it is for animals, not for humans. Humans doing it would be embarrassing. When women speak it’s exactly the same thing. It makes all men feel a little less human. It reminds us that yes, we too were once running around shitting all over ourselves and trying to eat fucking rocks or some stupid shit like that — something nearly as stupid as a twenty minute conversation on why American football is “practically the same game” that football is in the rest of the world.

Tortfeasor said...

dbvader: Dude, you read Trixie?

g.m.s. said...

judging by her myspace page, I'd say it is a safe bet that "SweetCherriePie" is her token fat friend.

whowillsexmutombo? said...

Imagine the frustration of saving your allowance for 27,000 years to be able to afford a date with her, and then watching in horror as she leaves with Michael Irvin after he offers her a few rails. "Where's my date? Running a train with the '95 Cowboys."

Jordi said...

I absolutely love her patience blog and then to see she sells herself on the ebays to the highest bidder. Makes perfect sense. Sometimes the humor is best when you don't get drunk so you can laugh at the drunk people.

chiswede said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
chiswede said...

dbvader: Trixies are cubs fans. It's too cold for them at Bears games. Can't show off the plumage.

Slibbidy said...

For $500 I could take a real hooker who'd probably throw in a free half-and-half as long as I didn't tell her "daddy." Who does this cock-tease think she is? I mean, what's the point in paying to have a vagina around if you can't use it? Anyone?

peter king crowned my ass said...

from http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:AflhbnBKdssJ:profile.myspace.com/index.cfm%3Ffuseaction%3Duser.viewprofile%26friendid%3D57802147+sarah+spain&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=3

Sarah Spain, 26, Albany NY

look in the friend comments:

Sep 28 2006 8:19P

Hey what's new? How's school going? I don't know if I'm going to make it out alive this year. I'm hating it. Anyways, call me sometime. We need to catch up. By the way, I think its really weird that you and the fake Sarah Spain are becoming good friends over myspace.

Hmmm....

hawkguy86 said...

Looks like Ebay derailed the Spain Train....

Mike said...

Sarah Spain is the T.O. of football groupies.

The Andre Waters Experience said...

Golly. This is wrong with a capital "R."

Slibbidy said...

It's a shame that eBay took it down. I was hoping she would use the money to get that busted nose fixed.

Son of Brock Landers said...

as a cornell grad, there is no f-ing way she went to cornell, she is waaaaay too hot.

LButler36 said...

She is probably going to have to pull a few illusions to make it worth it for me, if you know what i'm saying

Scrap said...

any woman with a high enough of an opinion of herself to put herself on ebay so that some schmuck will PAY to go out with her (let alone give her a Super Bowl ticket) is not one I want to be around for more than 5 to 10 minutes, if you know what I mean?

Chicago2828 said...

This chick has been rode more then Seattle Slew. She's not a Lincoln Park Trixie. She sounds like a Hollywood wannabe. I still would.

Yinka Double Dare said...

Anyone who has a Super Bowl ticket doesn't need to pay an attractive woman to go. Pretty sure "hey, do you want to go to the Super Bowl with me" would be sufficient.

She'd have had a better chance begging for a ticket on here or on Deadspin. Of course, with some of the Deadspinners going/living down there they'd probably have access not to the Super Bowl but more of a super bowl.

CJ said...

She's probably one of the goupies that gave Vick herpes.

TheBigO said...

"I mean, what's the point in paying to have a vagina around if you can't use it? Anyone? "


GODDAMN RIGHT!!!

save the steagles said...

Only in the Ivy League could you gain this kind of business savvy. Clearly the implants weren't the only successful investment her parents made for her.

jawz said...

Congrats on making football loving escorts everywhere look like assholes. Bravo, my dear.

As per her Myspace: Is she aware that being a cocktease sitting on a dude's lap is not a perk of being traded to the Cubs?

Then again, with job titles like Door Whore, Slave, and Promo Model Waitress Poker Dealer Eye Candy, why couldn't she get some dumbfuck to pay to take her ass to the Superbowl?

Ruthless Gravity said...

The ebays are attacking.

WastingCompanyTime6 said...

she is trying to be the Bears version of that FSU cowgirl with the fake tits

kometfan4841 said...

So let's review. Someone should pay this trollop to go to the game with him, but she won't have to, umm, earn the ticket, so to speak. Dude, sell the extra ticket on EBay and use some of the proceeds to buy some high-class professional Miami Beach trim after the game. Heck, you probably won't have to talk to her!

jawz said...

From her Myspace blog "Patience":

"...Men need to have their careers and their money matters in order before they feel as though they can get married. In the meantime, every woman they date gets older and loses her luster as fast as a mid-season pilot starring that guy who used to be on ..Head of the Class... New pilot season...new relationship. Meanwhile, women in LA want to stay young and beautiful so they can reap the benefits of a city that..s full of free rides. They..re always looking for the next guy to take them to a hot party, introduce them to a big director or give them a discount on their next botox session. So why is it that everyone I know says they're ready for something real? Everyone says that they're looking for someone who doesn't want to play games--someone who isn't "LA." If all these men and women are saying the same thing, why can't they find each other? 'Cause most people are full of shit, that's why.

That guy you know who says he wants a relationship can't really open up and give himself to someone else until he decides who HE is...and by that I mean, if he gets that movie his stock will go up and so will the quality of his sexual partners. Why settle now? He could be the next "it" guy. Besides, he..s already decided that he can..t settle down until he hits 35. Not 34. Not 36. 35 on the nose. He..s decided that by then he..ll have gotten all the necessary threesomes, random sex and meaningless flings out of his system. Sadly for him, by the time he hits 30 he may be balding, pot-bellied, and wishing he..d stuck with that gorgeous, amazing, devoted girlfriend he had in his 20..s. Meanwhile, that girl who talks your ear off about wanting to find a nice guy to really connect with is full of shit, too. She just wants to find someone to commit to her so she can have consistent sex without feeling guilty or adding to her ..numbers... Give her a few drinks and introduce her to the newest draftee for the Lakers and watch how quickly she forgets that "boyfriend" she's got whipped waiting for her back home.

...

I..m antsy, I..m cranky, and I..m tired of dating weirdos. I..m in no hurry to get married but it would be nice to meet a man that doesn..t have the emotional maturity level of a high schooler. Someone who would be perfectly happy to give up sex with strippers named Cinnamon if he could go home every night to someone who understands him. Someone who doesn..t need to spend the first 3 months of a relationship pretending to be a good guy only to admit he..s a cheater and a cad and he's "not good enough for you" just as the feelings get deep. Or, if none of those scenarios is possible, someone who will introduce me to David LaChappelle, take me to a party at Luke Walton..s house, help me pay for my new tits, and agree to sleep with me for at least the next 3-4 months."(sic)

'sayin.

Awful Chief said...

dude...just paste the link.

Natty said...

I like how the comments here track the progression from "this is awesome!" to "stupid whore!" as more information is revealed. Not that those two are mutually exclusive.

Ruthless Gravity said...

congrats on making iy onto MSNBC

micronaut said...

She should've majored in bigger tits.

big bri said...

thank god bowden got me hooked on the ebays

Lazarus said...

Cant keep a good Ivy league mind down. The page is back up with a less whore-ish sounding proposition

http://cgi.ebay.com/TAKE-2-CHEERLEADING-POM-POMS-ON-A-DATE-2-THE-SUPER-BOWL_W0QQitemZ270083594887QQihZ017QQcategoryZ16122QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Narodnik said...

It looks like there are two Sarahs.

Here's the link to the one trying to get the Bears tickets.

Sarah MySpace Link