From time to time, KSK has reeled in big-name NFL players and analysts to answer questions from fans the world over. We had Mark Schlereth, and, of course, Yukon Cornelius. Well today, we have a very special guest here with us. It's Tony Dungy, head coach of the Indianapolis Colts and a man regarded as one of the nicest people in all of football, a true gentleman of the sport. Through both personal and professional turmoil, Tony Dungy has remained a rock of poise and grace. He is unflappable. Nothing can... uh... flap him. And did it ever show in our Q&A session. Onto your questions!
Bob T., Indianapolis: Coach, I just wondering how you planned to address the run def... HOLY SHIT! WE HAVE TO PLAY AGAINST FUCKING LJ?! SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! OH MY GOD, WE'RE FUCKED!
Tony Dungy: Well, Bob, I understand your concern. But we really do think we've made some improvements. If we can just bear down and play our game, I think we should be fine.
Mary J., Indianapolis: How the fuck can you say that?! Ron Dayne just had a record day against us! My God, man! Ron Dayne only runs fast if someone's dangling a bucket of popcorn shrimp in front of him!
Tony Dungy: Again, we're not going to panic in this sort of situation.
Roy K., Indianapolis: Dude, our d-line consists of Nicole Richie, Kate Bosworth, Mary-Kate Olsen, and Keira fucking Knightley. What the fuck do we do? My God! It's Larry Johnson! He's not like Christian Okoye. He's actually fucking good! GAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Tony Dungy: Well, we get Bob Sanders back for us this week. He's been a big playmaker for us, and I expect him to give us a little bit of a boost on our run support.
Frank R., Indianapolis: Coach, I'm with you. You can't let a string of bad games get you running around like a chicken with its head cu... OH MY GOD, MY DAUGHTER JUST STABBED ME! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! MY DAUGHTER! MY ONLY DAUGHTER HAS BETRAYED ME AND BURIED A BUTCHER KNIFE INTO MY SIDE! I AM BLEEDING PROFUSELY! IT FEELS WARM AND GUSHY! WHY, MY CHILD?! MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD! I NEED HELP! PLEASE SOMEONE, CALL A DOCTOR!
Tony Dungy: Again, this is not a time to make rash decisions.
Shannon B., Indianapolis: Coach, my father chained my mother to a radiator and beat her death. I've moved to another county and called the police, but they seem indifferent to my situation. I think he really wants to hurt me. He said if he ever found me, he'd seal me in the drywall. What do I do?
Tony Dungy: As I said before, you have to keep a level head here. We all face adversity, but anyone can handle it with some calm and rational thinking.
Dan Q., Indianapolis: Good God man, does nothing bother you? WAKE THE FUCK UP, MAN! It's the fucking playoffs! Show some goddamn fire for once in your life, you eerily calm bastard!
Tony Dungy: I don't really think pointing fingers and looking to blame others is productive at this point.
Jimmy D., Indianapolis: HELP HELP HELP!!!! I'M ON FIRE! MY STOVE EXPLODED AND NOW MY BODY IS BURNING!!! I CAN SMELL THE SICK STENCH OF MY HAIR MELTING! AAAHHH, THE FIRE'S ON MY DICK! NOOOOOO!!! MY MANHOOD IS TURNING TO ASH BEFORE MY VERY EYES! I CAN SEE THE FLESH PEELING OFF IN LONG, CURLING RIBBONS! DEAR GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!!!! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! THE NUMBER IS 407-785-9054! HURRY! SOMEONE!
Tony Dungy: Well, let's not jump to conclusions here. I think you want to gather yourself before you go ahead and do something you regret.
Gary S., Indianapolis: I have your wife. I want a car and six million dollars in unmarked Barra Bonds. Do not call the police or your wife will die. You have my instructions.
Tony Dungy: Let's all just stop and take a breather for a moment. That way we can find a way to improve things.
Julie O., Indianapolis: Uh, Coach, you have a very small mustard stain on your shirt.
Tony Dungy: I do? Really? Oh man, I just bought this shirt. Motherfu...