The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition; one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in Miami! Next up, the McLaughlin Group!
McLaughlin: ISSUE NUMBAH ONE! Days away from its biggest game, what is the most pressing issue facing the NFL. Pat Buchanan!
Pat: Illegal immigration. The invasion of Mexicans into the NFL shows that the US has been unable to maintain the integrity of our borders. Just when we thought we were free from the specter of undesirables like the pederast Rafael Septien and the vile, lawless Zendejas gang. The game itself is under attack by an insidious foreign element. WAKE UP AMERICA! Today Mexicans are kickers, tomorrow they will be quarterbacks. I blame NAFTA!
McLaughlin: QUESTION! One a scale of zero to ten, zero being an impossibility, ten being a mortal certainty, how much does game-day coaching affect they outcome of the Super Bowl. Tony Blankley!
Tony: Good question, John--
McLaughlin: Tony, please don’t make be regret my decision to include you in this discussion. You know what I mean… your predilection for wearing bright pink shirts, your vaguely-Fuddish voice… I doubt you’ve so much as seen a football game before. Know this, Tony: if Buchanan says the word and you are out on the street praying Fox News will overlook your studied foppery and put your sorry ass on the air.
Tony: Uh, sure John. Coaching is vitally important on game day, John. To illustrate, if Marv Levy had committed to strategic augmentation of 20,000 additional Buffalo Bills into the waning moments of Super Bowl XXVII, then the Cowboys wouldn’t have blown them out 52-17. Don’t get me wrong, Buffalo still would have lost badly, it just would have been politically more palatable, especially since--
McLaughlin (interrupting): ISSUE NUMBAH TWO. The Colts are a seven point favorite. Will they emerge victorious? Eleanor Clift!
Eleanor: John, I could give two shits who wins the Super Bowl! I just wanna go down to Miami and party my ass off! Hillary 2008, bitches! Clintons are gonna be back up in the White Hizzy, mutha-fuckas!
Tony: (clears throat softly)
Eleanor (screeching): EXCUSE ME, TONY, EXCUSE ME! MAY I PLEASE FINISH TALKING?!? As I was saying, I hope to meet that Grossman boy I’ve heard so much about. He can knock the dust of my vag-jay-jay anytime, John!
McLaughlin: Ahhhh, PREDICTIONS!
Pat: Bears win 34-27/ The decline of Western culture continues unabated.
Tony: Colts twent-
McLaughlin (interrupting): And Eleanor?
Eleanor: I predict I wind up somewhere on South Beach snorting lines off of Pac Man Jones’ junk. Y’hear that Pat and Tony, you fat fuck! I love the dick! Just because I wear these hideous pantsuits every week, doesn’t mean that I lez out!
McLaughlin: I predict the Colts win because of Alan “The Horse” Ameche, while I drink a fifth of Irish whiskey and rue my decision to leave the priesthood. Bye-BYE!!!
What is that beast, that crazy beast?
Thanks, Mr. McLaughlin! We'll have more celebrity picks as we approach the big game!