Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Things to do in Miami when Pro Football
Talk thinks you're dead

Last week, Pro Football Talk momentarily posted a blurb about Terry Bradshaw's supposed tragic demise that they later had to hastily retract. We at KSK were not sucked into PFT's speculation, unlike last time. In that spirit, we are seeking to dispel a few of the rumors flying around the NFL in the days before Super Bowl XLI.

Terry sez: "I'm not dead yet."

Rumor: League security is working closely with federal and state officials investigating an organized crime summit being held in Miami at the same time as the Super Bowl.
Fact: The Cincinnati Bengals did not schedule a team trip to the Super Bowl.
: Players and coaches on media day were surprisingly familiar with the sports bloggers' medium and collective body of work.
Fact: Ricky Manning Jr. will slap the shit out of your nerd ass.

Rumor: Tony Dungy has agreed to appear before a bigoted, hateful crowd in Indiana.
Fact: Tony Dungy has not agreed to act as honorary starter for the Brickyard 400.

Rumor: Demand for high-grade coke is running far ahead of supply on South Beach this week.
Fact: The Cincinnati Bengals did not schedule a team trip to the Super Bowl.

"Didya ever notice how funny your hand looks when you're high?"

Rumor: Bill Simmons says Kissing Suzy Kolber takes embarrassing pictures of celebrities and posts them in order to bump their hits.
Fact: We also provide uncredited material for NFL Sunday Countdown, just ask Sal Paolantonio.

Rumor: Lovie Smith will coach the Dallas Cowboys next season.
Fact: You are a horrible person and reek of urine.

Rumor: If Captain Caveman gets shut out on Super Bowl tickets, he's going to tape a picture of the Spain Train to the back of the With Leather intern's head.
Fact: Actually, this one is true. Sorry dude.

Sadlly, not a rumor: the 'Mars Blackmon look' claimed many fashion victims.

To make up for the video above I (UM) give you this masterpiece...


8hrdrive said...

Most of the Bengals that would pose such a strain on coke supply can't leave the state of Ohio anyway.

Many of the local Miami cartels had dubbed this weekend Orange Sunday, much akin to Black Friday for retail merchants.

Sadly, their dream will not be realized.

Kyle said...

Surely Michael Irvin's demand for coke is greater than that of the entire Bengals organisation?

InanimateCarbonRod said...

If anyone is looking for the Colts' answer to the Super Bowl Shuffle (and who isn't?), it can be found here.

I think the band is under the misunderstanding that Super Bowl crowds make noise.

highonLowe said...

PFT is the Weekly World News of football. Today's headline: Cowboys Name Bigfoot as Head Coach

HofC said...

And the streak of fucked up formatting continues...

bleedjetgreen said...

Ahh, Lindsay Lohan ... back when she wasn't all dry and used up. Nice pick me up first thing in the morning. Tasty!

MDG said...

I'd still hit crazy Lohan.

Otto Man said...

I might hit it, but I'd probably have to have my cock laminated first. She's approaching Hiltonian levels of skankiness.

doug_plank said...

Is Lawrence Taylor there with Irvin?

F the Bengals, some Miami dealers are going to be able to retire after this week.

MDG said...

my cock laminated first

HA! You'd need to laminate more then that when banging Hollywood starlets. I'd go full body condom like Lt. Frank Drebin.

WeJamEcono said...

Drew said that flubby was dead. Is this flubby or an imposter?

Hawkins said...

The point of Bill Simmons' column is to give shout outs to his frat boy friends and show his wife is more talented

Big Daddy Drew said...

I said FALCO was dead.

Signal to Noise said...

The masterpiece that is/was Lindsay Lohan is even ten times better with the volume turned down.

Never mind just laminated, don't forget sanitized to boot. Still totally would.

micronaut said...

I like how in Ricky Manning's comments about the Denny's incident, it's clear that he only feels bad about getting arrested. The fact that he beat a guy unconscious for no good reason doesn't faze him in the least. A conscience would just be a handicap for a pro cornerback anyway.

Think Robert Altman shagged Lindsay when they were making Prarie Home Companion? I bet he did. Guy was a fighter pilot after all.