KSK Top Secret Playoff Scouting Report Bukkake - New Orleans Saints

It's playoff time, so we at KSK asked a high-ranking NFL scout to analyze the conference championship teams. This man was offered anonymity in exchange for his complete and utter candor. In this post, he analyzes the Saints:

"Doesn't Joe Horn look like he does cocaine? I know he doesn't, but he's got that Daryl Strawberry/Otis Day sheen to him... The best way to defend Reggie Bush is to let him dance in front of you for a minute or two and then kick him in the nuts... I know Deuce McAllister is a great runner, a great leader, and one of the few athletes who is a true community leader, but when he lent me his iPod one time, there was nothing on it but Savage Garden songs. As far as I'm concerned, that cancels out all the good stuff... You know why Marques Colston went so late in the draft? Queerer than a Victorian novel...

"Scott Fujita puts me in the mood for TexMex... Willie Whitehead sounds like the name of a Clearasil mascot... Hollis Thomas is only effective when he's taken a liter of elephant pituitary gland fluid up the ass... I pretty sure Rob Pettiti's last name is meant to be ironic... You know who's a great kisser? Mike Karney... Drew Brees is outstanding, but they better make sure he stays healthy or else... JAMIE MARTIN?! Good fucking God. If you're the Bears, what you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of Brees' leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again... When you play Monopoly with Mark Simoneau, he won't let you put $500 in Free Parking. So. Fucking. Weak...

"Josh Bullocks better never go to England... Sean Payton looks like Jason Perry of the obscure British rock band A... I just took a monster shit... If I hear Chris Berman make that Honeymooners reference when John Carney makes a field goal one more fucking time, I will find a way to destroy the fucking world... I lent Devery Henderson $20 a year ago, and now whenever I bring it up, he gets all defensive about it. What a fucking asshole...

Oh, and I think the Saints will win by 10."

Now THAT is some good analysis. Suck it, Steve Young.

UPDATE: I just realized I was supposed to do the Bears scouting report, not the Saints, which Punter already covered earlier in the week. Shit. Eh, you people have got plenty of Sex Cannon jokes already. Just replace the Saint names here with Bear names. It really makes no difference.