Monday, February 25, 2008

Some Of The Proposed NFL Rules Changes Not Getting A Lot Of Press

With the NFL's scouting combine in Indianapolis (which we've already established is an awesome city), there's only so much coverage one can digest of the league's competition committee meetings, which are transpiring at the same time. The big proposal getting the attention is one that would allow defensive players to be wired for sound, much like the quarterbacks were allowed to be this past season.

However, this is only one of the rules revisions that have been suggested for the 2008 season. There are a slew of other rules packages being considered for implementation. Some of the other suggested changes brought to the committee include:

- Changing the name of the 2-minute warning to "The Joe Gibbs Memorial Game Mismanagement Zone."

- A ball carrier's forward progress would be considered stopped if the defender in contact with him has had a felony arrest since 2004.

- Defensive face masks would be legal if the offending player can be heard screaming, "Fuck yo mama," or any interpretable derivative therein.

- Quarterbacks would be allowed to ground the ball inside the tackle box if it can be determined that his uniform has a distinct stain of urine.

- Wide receivers' pushing off to be called more scrupulously, unless said wide receiver's first name rhymes with "Craphonzo."

- Offensive players would be forbidden to rape within 72 hours of kickoff. For defensive players, however, it would be 36 hours.

- Referee's signal for "Delay of game" to be changed to vigorous underhanded motion at belt-buckle level.

These are just the ones we've heard about. If you know of any others, please pass them along in the comments.

27 comments:

Francois Leroux Speedskater said...

Fines levied for late hits will now come out of Rodney Harrison's paychecks, as a form of long overdue restitution.

larry b said...

Offensive holding now to be called 7% of the time it happens, up from 4% in 2007.

larry b said...

Scoring a touchdown now automatically results in a 15 yard penalty for excessive celebration. Chad Johnson to be penalized 30 yards.

Zamboni said...

The Denver Broncos can resume chop-blocking until they win another Super Bowl.

MDT said...

It's not roughing the kicker if it's consensual.

smurphette said...

Rex Grossman wants to know, into whose box can he ground his balls with this proposed rule change?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Players now to use smaller, stuffed version of ball to indicate where illegal touching took place.

Tracer Bullet said...

All (both) African-Americans playing for the Patriots will be given one free personal foul each game to make up for having to deal Patriots fans. Seau to be penalized seven yards for his personal fouls.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Also, I feel like this post needs more hyperlinks.

MDT said...

NFL puts an end to social promotion as part of its No Coach Left Behind problem. Herm Edwards finds himself unemployed.

Big Daddy Drew said...

+2 fmra

ciarannh said...

Monday Night Football to be renamed Kornheiser Night. Plus, instead of a guest coming in for the third quarter, Tony will felate Jaws

quiet strength said...

Steroids in the NFL will be addressed the same way my grandparents handled smoking. Players caught using steroids will have to smoke an entire carton of steroids until they are so sick that they never want to use steroids again. Or however that would work.

Jim U. said...

Kyle Orton must down a half pint of whiskey before each offensive series. This rule change is probably irrelevant anyway because, Orton does that on his own anyways.

5150 said...

Teams that knowingly broke filming rules will be given a light penalty and felated 24/7 on any/every national/regional/local/basement sports show/blog.

Otto Man said...

Alright, FutureMrs., you just nearly made me choke on my lunch.

Otto Man said...

Monday Night Football to be renamed Kornheiser Night. Plus, instead of a guest coming in for the third quarter, Tony will felate Jaws

Actually, I heard they were going to make the celebrity booth guest fill in at a skills position for an offensive series.

"You want to promote your abortion of a sitcom, Jim Belushi? Well, you're going to have to go over the middle against Ray Lewis first."

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Penalizing quarterbacks will take the form of deducting 'smiles per yard'

JAMMQ said...

-Quarterbacks would be allowed to ground the ball inside the tackle box if it can be determined that his uniform has a distinct stain of urine.

The Matt Leinart Rule?

naptown drew said...

Wait...I'm confused. Is Indianapolis an awesome city or not?

/don't answer I already know
/shits pants
/kills self

T-Bone Costanza said...

Intentional "Giving them the business" has been increased to 15 yards. Incidental is still 5 yards.

Awkward Boner said...

Offensive players would be forbidden to rape within 72 hours of kickoff.

This does not bode well for the sex cannon...

Also, I'm upset he hasn't given you an exclusive take on his new deal.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

@awkward: I was thinking something similar, although I think Brian Urlacher apologizing to Chicago fans for the contract would be equally fitting.

hi there mary said...

roger goodell will now penalize coaches with bouquets, chocolate, champagne, pay raises, and butterfly kisses.

players will recieve an automatic pro bowl selection if they are found positive for a performance enhancing substance.

My Insignificant Life said...

@ awkward

The sex cannon does not rape, he simply takes what is rightfully his.

Becky said...

"Penalizing quarterbacks will take the form of deducting 'smiles per yard"

Or in certain cases 'smirres per yald'

BEHM777 said...

Dan Snyder will become Commish and eliminate the salary cap so he can offer maximum contracts to the 1972 Dolphins.


@ ciarannah

"Felate Jews"? That knock on the door is the B'nai Brith.

word verification = hrdfkdue

I ain't touching THAT one.