Friday, February 8, 2008

Mocking the Pats vs. Sex. WHO YA GOT?



















We've sadly come to the final WHO YA GOT? until September and we're left to wonder what can carry us across the seven-month void of no football. Likely it's two activities that will never get old: maliciously glorying in the Greatest Choke Job of All-Time (tm 2007 New England Patriots, all rights reserved) or some good old-fashioned fucking, like yo mamma used to make. Which is better? Which will help us more to cope with the offseason? WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Laughing at the Patriots______Coitus

Fucked in what sense

Figurative_____Literal, also the butt if you bought dinner

Requires

Ability to point, say "18-1"______Sexual organs, booze

Who can't do it

Whiny, hypocritical Pats fans__________Dr. Who fans

Downside

Tummy hurts from laughing so much__AIDS, assorted other STDs, children

Has Eli done it?

Yes_________Eli wouldn't know

Finishing move

Working mocking the Pats into your fucking



18 comments:

Otto Man said...

Working mocking the Pats into your fucking

Lots of ways to accomplish that. Some prefer the Boston Teabag Party, while some just go with an old fashioned Paul Revere's Ride, where you hold on tight and scream out "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

Bulger in My Pants said...

Working mocking the Pats into your fucking

I assume that would involve a mention of "The Giant Snatch"?

Matt said...

LOSERGATE is easily my favorite word of 2008.

roy said...

Satisfaction just keeps on growing----vs---Forgotten in 10 minutes

MDT said...

Working mocking the Pats into your fucking

"Well, honey, that was perfect right up until the end."

Blaxabbath said...

Working mocking the Pats into your fucking

Damn...I was trying to think of something red sweatshirt-related so I would seem all smart.

Alas, nothing.

Crazy Little Thing said...

"the Greatest Choke Job of All-Time (tm 2007 New England Patriots, all rights reserved)"

Really? Now, I hate the Patriots and Red Sox, but the Yankees blowing a 3-0 lead in 2004 counts as the worst choke job. Only barely, but still.

/flogs self for agreeing with Simmons

oldefreddjung said...

The petition there is the best part of this for me. Its wonderful knowing that even with the way us Seattle fans whined after the atrocious XL, that when it comes to being sanctimonious douchebags, Pats fans have us crushed. Oh, what a wonderful week.
IT JUST DOESN'T GET OLD.

Otto Man said...

I think we should start a campaign -- Santorum style -- to rename "death by autoerotic asphyxiation" as simply a "Patriot."

Pepster said...

Couldn't the Greatest Choke Job of All Time refer to both the Patriots, a some really good sex?

Pepster said...

sorry - I meant "and" instead of "a".

devang said...

I think we should start a campaign -- Santorum style -- to rename "death by autoerotic asphyxiation" as simply a "Patriot."

Strongly concur. Although I think the Patriot Hutchence would work as well. After all they had a skinny white guy give the performance of a lifetime but in the end it was just death.

/think this is a hell of a reach

Otto Man said...

I almost went with the Hutchence reference too, Devang. It might be fitting, since INXS did have a certain je ne sais douche quality to it, but it might limit the reach.

Let's get marketing in on this and see what they think.

1972DavidBowieFromTheZiggyStardustTour said...

Wow. I didn't know it was possible to upload gallons of vaginal leakage onto a webpage, but that petition managed to do it. Bravo, Patriots fans.

romolovescock said...

i like to have sex while watching tom emanski's baseball training videos. helps me go back to back to back, even after a long day at work.

i suppose i could try watching the patriots losing

Robut M. Nixon said...

@romolovescock

Fred McGriff?

smurphette said...

Is that Clive Owen in the sex pic? Because fucking him would be way better than making fun of assholes. The idea of combining both activities is appealing, however. I'm pretty sure schadenfreude is an aphrodisiac.

BEHM777 said...

@ smurfette

Shadenfreude IS the ultimate aphrodisiac. And gin. And a hot babe.