Thursday, February 7, 2008

Site News: Your 2008 KSK Offseason Preview


Well, NFL season is over, and we’re left without games until… SEPTEMBER?! GAHHHHH!!!!!!

/dies inside

But fear not. For those of you who were new to the whole KSK hate train just this season (and Sitemeter indicates you number in the 10’s of 10’s!), you should know that the offseason mantra of KSK remains: Football season may be over, BUT DICK JOKE SEASON IS ALL YEAR ROUND.

To that end, we’ve got plenty in store for you during these offseason doldrums:

-Regular posting every weekday, as always
-More Wade & Jerry adventures
-The return of Kill Kill Kill
-The return of Better Know A Draft Pick
-The return of KSK mock drafts and KSK commenter drafts
-The return of KSK off topic. Get your towels ready
-Pictures of Drew, possibly drunk
-Drew goes to Vegas, loses assload of money
-More cheerleader posts
-More Osi Umenyiora poop jokes
-More hate
-More Marmalard
-More evenings out with Silky Garrard
-Michael Vick’s letters from prison
-More bukkake

Also, later on this year, we may be leaving our home here on Blogger and migrating to a new platform that’s all our own. And yes, it’ll have ads. It costs lots of money to pay those goddamn manatees to come up with this shit. Bout time we got back in the black. Otherwise, we won’t be changing a goddamn thing. We won’t be growing or developing as writers or human beings in any way, shape or form. That’s a guarantee.

So strap in. Or strap it on. We’re hurtling full bore into this shit. YEAAAARRRGHHHHH!

60 comments:

Phishisgr8 said...

As long as we can leave out Fitzgerald and the cracker sagas, I'm down with another great offseason.

/end cracker saga hating

Upstate Underdog said...

I was hoping to see more hate on that list.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Done.

Fried Yoda said...

18-1 should mean a full off-season of Pats haterade, just to make sure it sinks in

Upstate Underdog said...

thanks, BDD

Ken Dynamo said...

so no more parodies of television programs that are often watched by a disproportion number of homosexuals?

bummer.

SDW said...

I'm officially demanding a "/dies inside" slashie.

/dies inside

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

so are you guys going to the fanhaus too?

Pemulis said...

I can't help but notice that this post makes no mention of how gay this place will remain. This leaves me more than a little worried/nervously aroused.

devang said...

Will Ape and Maj tag along to Vegas? Will we hear about your adventures at the blackjack table and the degenerates that play alongside?

No? Good. (breathes a sigh of relief)

Leaking Geek said...

Whew! Thanks BDD. I felt a Britney coming on...

/Puts down gun, backs away slowly

H Cuz said...

I'm hoping for more Kurt 'n' Kitna, too.

Upstate Underdog said...

BDD, if you don't know how to play craps learn before you head to Vegas.

Awful Chief said...

Looking forward to the 2008 KSK Summer of Hate!

Awful Chief said...

Hopefully there will be a KSK guide to spending your reparations check.

Francois Leroux Speedskater said...

Wouldn't mind seeing the adventures of Sir Norvalt turn into a regular feature as well.

KSK: Guaranteed to be at least 18.1% more gay this coming year.

Big Daddy Drew said...

I learned how to play craps last time I went to Vegas and still was a clueless jackass at the table.

The Assman said...

We could spend our offseason on http://www.kissmesuzy.blogpsot.com/ reading about "THE SOON COMING CLIMAX" and "ARE YOU READY TO MEET JESUS?"

I'm sure someone else has already found this, but I found it hilarious. It's amazing how much a change in one letter can make. Crazy Christians.

Upstate Underdog said...

More UM guest spots on The Blog Show ?

Otto Man said...

I just looked back over a few of the commenter drafts, and came across the roster I ended up with in the fantasy football mock:


QB Philip Rivers
RB Shaun Alexander
RB Rudi Johnson
RB Joseph AddaI
WR Steve Smith
WR Torry Holt
TE Antonio Gates

Given my history with fantasy football, half of these players will be on crutches by week 3 and one will be in jail. My money's on Rudi. He's been quiet, but he's a Bengal.


Sadly true.

On the bright side, I ended up with absolutely none of these guys in my real league and, as a result, won. I think I may have finally found a winning draft strategery.

Phony Gwynn said...

How about a return of the Cutlers? Some quality bitchfests are always fun.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Yeh! Snorgkakke!

smurphette said...

Well, as long as there's more bukkake . . .

john said...

Can't wait for more towel-shitting shenanigans! (still one of the funniest posts I've ever read on this site)

SlideShow Bob said...

what about ur boy Baer Gylls(i have no idea how to spell his last name)

Otto Man said...

what about ur boy Baer Gylls(i have no idea how to spell his last name)

Yes, clearly that was the one word that tripped you up.

quiet strength said...

Nicely done with the Howard Dean finish.

Dr.VanNostren said...

Silky is my hero. Smurphette, my sentiments exactly!

Eddie Griffin's "Privates" said...

Summer vacation with the Manning family?

Otto Man said...

Summer vacation with the Manning family?

As long as Cooper/Fredo is featured prominently.

JAMMQ said...

There are new readers? God, why?

the great bambi said...

@ jammq

a sucker's born every minute

rand said...

i'm officially excited.

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

10’s of 10’s

Why... that's nearly a hundred!

KC Cal said...

When are we going to have Sex Cannon: the Later Years?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

How about a KSK Guide To Dating The Professional Football Player Of Your Dreams?

You know, for the ladies.

Also, up-to-the-minute coverage of Brett Favre's (in)decision to retire and/or make ham sandwiches is always nice.

I'm addicted to the hate.

Phony Gwynn said...

How about a KSK Guide To Dating The Professional Football Player Of Your Dreams?

You know, for the ladies.


That's why, uh, some ladies started Ladies...

Comicbook Guy said...

Love the hate, Love futuremrsrickankiel. You make it tough for a Masshole, but keep the hate spewing.

85 said...

Leaving blogger for a new platform? Well, then, allow me to be the first to bitch about it. I think the old one (this one) was (is) way better. This (the future new) one sucks because I'm not used to it. Go back to the way is used to be (is now).

dick_gozinia said...

Does anyone else think the zoloft rock looks/acts a lot like Strong Sad?

I wake up every Friday morning and think its time for another commenter draft. Then I realize its still football season.

Fuck you football.

All hail the glorious offseason.

The Lazer said...

any chance I could get more Kurt n' Kitna? I love some good, "Put on your Jesus Face."

JohnDewar said...

MMMmmmmmm.......haterade

/homer simpson

futuremrsrickankiel said...

@phony: True, but I figured a KSK one would provide valuable tips while also continuing to expand my sexual vocabulary in ways I never dreamed possible.

Slash said...

Looking forward to Vick's prison stories. Interested to see if his (processing) time increases or decreases.

And the Vegas stories should be entertaining. Do a live blog of a Cirque du Soleil show, or even better, Celine Dion. I can't think of anyone who deserves a KSK live blogging more than Celine.

Upstate Underdog said...

If anyone here goes to Vegas and has a chance to see Don Rickles, do it.

Wormfather said...

Speaking of ladies. I dont remember how it happened (NCAA's I think) but if you let those bitches ever take over the site again I'll quit this site like the bad habbit it is.

Also, in the name of Kill Kill Kill, today is thursday and it is the offseason...

J.L. White said...

One suggestion, Drew, is to go back to some Klassic KSK Komedy from the more formative years (or year). Who doesn't miss making repetitive jokes about the whereabouts of Footsteps Falco?

/stares out window towards unmarked grave in distance, and chuckles quietly

Big Daddy Drew said...

"Speaking of ladies. I dont remember how it happened (NCAA's I think) but if you let those bitches ever take over the site again I'll quit this site like the bad habbit it is."

Rest assured, it will NOT happen again.

Otto Man said...

Rest assured, it will NOT happen again.

With all the posts here about fashion shows and Grey's Anatomy and yeast infection treatments and 101 Ways to Turn Your Man On, Cosmo-Style!, how would we ever know?

Man Bear Pig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Man Bear Pig said...

Proud to be one of the 10's of 10's. I've had my first taste of the haterade that KSK provides, and it's a tough vice to kick. Not that I'd ever want to.

/staying for offseason.

Wormfather said...

Good to hear BDD. I in turn promise to go back to making no complete sense at all.

@the new guys/trannies

The off season on KSK may be better than the season.

a. Picking out the articles that were put together half assedly (achem, Fitzy)

b. Nothing will ever top the Off-Season Adventures of Michael Vick...the way he kept feeding info for the articles was amaazing.

c. Fridays when I'd show up to work on time, just because I knew KSK would be taking the day off and leaving us with a draft.

d. **FlaWa's

quiet strength said...

So if there are pictures of Drew posted, does that mean that he's finally going to reveal that he's actually Jeff Saturday?

romolovescock said...

more marmalard

the long offseason just got a bit easier to handle

MartinTheMerciless said...

Vick's Pit Bull shower room fantasies.

Bill/Robert/Vlad efforts to re-tool the master plan.

Tuna's lipstick on a pig project.

Al Davis: Night of the living dead.

Word Verification: vktptl. Does that mean Mike's gonna find Jesus?

smurphette said...

@futuremrs: Yeah, no offense to the Ladies (I know Andrea from law school), but between Drew's insights into men and women from FKS and Ufford's fake cheerleader posts, I think a KSK dating guide would be hilarious.

Also, I love the little zoloft guy, he's adorable.

MartinTheMerciless said...

Also, being as it's the off season and we have to watch all this BS on TV, How about: presidential PMS, The Black House (more chitlins Mr. Putin?), Mr chipmunk cheek, The White tabernacle, The born again Ayatollah.

We're going to give our poor downtrodden little brown brothers democracy if we have to kill them to do it.

Punch Rockgroin said...

Arena League anyone?

Didn't think so.

HIV 2 Elway said...

Leaving Blogger for your own platform? FUCK YES! Let's see you block that IT!

Rikadyn said...

Wouldn't be so bad, if they didn't kill the NFL:Europe