Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Super Tuesday: Still Gay


Guy: Hey. You gonna VOTE today?

Man: But I'm a registered independent.

Guy: And I'm a resident of a politically insignificant state.

Felon: And I'm a felon!

Man: Think Obama will win?

Guy: He's gonna get shot if he does.

Felon: I'm going to shoot him!

Guy: It kinda bugs me that the media covers sports with more depth than it does politics.

Man: I miss sports.

Guy: Wanna go to a Super Tuesday party?

Man: Wanna get punched in the dick?

Guy: What if it comes down to Clinton and Romney? Then it's Massachusetts versus New York all over again. Every late season Red Sox and Yankees game will be filled with an even more bloated sense of false import.

Man: 9/11 versus Aqua Teen Hunger Force Bombing.

Guy: Gays vs. better dressed gays.

Man: Billary vs. Mittens.

Guy: It'll probably be McCain.

Man: The Marty Schottenheimer of presidential candidates.

Guy: If Marty were a POW.

Man: He was too busy serving in the SS.

Man: Do we have to do this again in November?

Felon: I'll be dead by then.

Guy: Lucky you.

36 comments:

MDT said...

don't blame me, I voted for Kodos

MDT said...

And do we even have a primary in DC? I think I saw "polling place" but it might have just been a Potbelly sign. In my defense I'm really hungry.

Kyle321N said...

Give a fuck.
Vote for Huck!


Fuckin' be
with Huckabee!

crazyjoedavola said...

Wouldnt it be 9/11 vs. the airport that allowed 9/11. Just sayin...

Big Daddy Drew said...

ESPN SportsNation says 55% for Obama!

He's a lock!

Upstate Underdog said...

I'm still debating between the giant douche and turd sandwich.

Otto Man said...

BREAKING NEWS!

West Virginians have just chosen Mike Huckabee! This is in keeping with their general pro-musket and anti-book-learnin' sensibilities, so no real surprises I guess.

Plus, the power of Christ commanded it. That's hard to argue against.

romolovescock said...

mitt romney is made of plastic and alluminum

Bobby said...

@upstate underdog

me too! vote or die motherfucker....

SonOfSpam said...

I heard Richard Simmons and Elton John are voting for Romney:

Catchers 4 Mitt

/don't get up...I'm leaving

Upstate Underdog said...

Leon is president of hitting that ass !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mi_c6D8SPcE

lieutenant winslow said...

romney and mccain should just arm wrestle for the nomination.

Les Savy Ferd said...

romney is more of a really boring vampire than a robot.

Otto Man said...

romney and mccain should just arm wrestle for the nomination.

Nah, they'd each spend most of their time changing their minds about which arm to use.

One word: Thunderdome.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Tommy from Quincy just announced his endorsement of Obama:

[dick in mouth silence]

Supermike whispers: BUT Taaahmey.....

Tommy: DAAAHHRKEEEY?! Mikey you ignant ghey! Fist offs, he tawks good wich we alls knows daaahhhkeeeys can't do. Seconds, he's gotta be like half irish, he's a diplahmats kid and I'm pretty sure yoowed be lookin likaa Callafornya Raison too if you mick ass was draggin cross no Gobi desert too. And he ain't anymore daaahhhrkeey than yer dego motha who I fucked with a sawwderin iron last night Mikey.

Thass it Obama Pabpelbawm oh and eight!

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

When I think elections, I think "Dan vs. Dave"

Big Daddy Drew said...

Hines Ward roves elections!

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Shouldn't that be "roves erections"?

Nathan said...

MDT

DC primary is the 12th. Got my flier reminding me this morning on the Metro.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Oh wait. I get it.

/last horse crosses the finish line

Otto Man said...

Shouldn't that be "roves erections"?

Fox News approves this message.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

The Emo Eagles wanted to know if you were going to that Ron Paul thing tonight? Yeah them neither.

quiet strength said...

Why is it that every picture I see of Hillary Clinton she looks like she's orgasming over some baby seals being clubbed?

Otto Man said...

Why is it that every picture I see of Hillary Clinton she looks like she's orgasming over some baby seals being clubbed?

Occam's Razor.

No, I mean that's what she uses to kill the seals.

smurphette said...

See, I can usually block out most of the d-bags that surround me working on the Hill, but then Ape has to post that WaPo article to remind me. Guhhhh.

chronic hobbit said...

Chuck Norris + Mike Huckabee = CHUCKABEE

Chuck Norris Fact: vote for Huckabee or get a roundhouse in the nads.

ben said...

Smurphette, as a former Hill rat myself, I can say they really are everywhere. It's not even like they're the ambitious, frightening, Tracy Flick-types - they're those kids who weren't even worth beating up in Middle School, cause they'd curl up into a fetal position and wail. And now they run the country.

I'll vote (reluctantly) for McCain this year, mostly because I think it's about damn time we had a president who was open about the fact that he's batshit fucking crazy.

That arm-wrestling idea is really cruel, considering McCain can't raise his arms above his shoulder thanks to the torture those Commies were inflicting on him while all you damn hippies were back home doing acid and fornicating.

smurphette said...

That's not to say there aren't plenty of the scary Tracy Flick-types, or mini-Tucker Carlsons running around. I wasn't born until the end of 1981, so I can't really share in your hippie-rage. The fornicating part sounds good, though.

SDW said...

Needs more fornicating.

shouldBworkin said...

@romo
mitt romney is made of plastic and alluminum

That means he's recyclable. A strong plank in any political platform on Planet Unicorn.

ben said...

Heh, smurphette - I was born the same time as you. I just had the pleasure of growing up in communities that most closely resemble a Bible-thumping version of the hippies Cartman wars against in South Park. Think Woodstock but with more praying and Kumbaya-singing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Hippie,_Die

I find the Tracy Flick-types less scary, because they're so predictable, and they've been around for hundreds of years. Plus none of them can hold their liquor, so they're cheap dates.

Dr.VanNostren said...

Otto Man is on FIRE!!!!

Oh yeah, dick jokes, Brady Quinn hand party.

Is Mary Carey running???

klitzman said...

Isn't it "abortions for some, miniature American flags for all"?

bfreakin3 said...

no, it's others. and that is also the best tag i've read in quite a while.

lieutenant winslow said...

That arm-wrestling idea is really cruel...

always fun when the only person who gets your joke is too uptight to see the humor in it.

ben said...

@lieutenant winslow: I laughed. I should have said "really, deliciously cruel" because I still think that Johnny Mac would rip Mitten's Ken Doll-like arm out of its socket. And I would pay to see that.