Thursday, February 7, 2008

Hines Ward Reviews the Super Bowl Ads

Foll 42 Supel Bowr, I was no praying, so I sit at home to watch for commelciarr while frowing locks at pictules of Ben Rongrastname. You want tarr leceivel? Eat lock, sterrrpid!

This time ads just okay, not leery super fantastic. But some make smirre. I tell for you!




I rike this one okay. Encoulage peeperr to have creen crowes, patlonize my laundlee prace. You have ticket?

I give it shree smirre.














Commelciar numbel terr:




I leery confricted about this one. It make raff but giant piddin is scalee. Also fly around my prace and nevel reave. Prease reave, piddin.

I give onree terr smirre.















Commelciar numbel shree:




I can no bereave this. It so lacist! Because panda is Asian he have to have funny accent? I so Ang Lee! Panda in movie theatel who does kung fu and terr me to sirence cerr phone is voiced by Jack Brack! That super okay! But this one offenses me!

It suckasuckasuckasuckasuckasuckasucka.

This ad suck to me.

I give no smirre.

48 comments:

Chamomiles Davis said...

Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist.

/christmas eve

Big Daddy Drew said...

/clies wiff raffter

Pemulis said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR HINES!!!!!!


korea is in china right?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

For some reason, this made me think of that rescued Asian sex slave they've got working in the station on Reno 911! this season.

"No, I didn't say to fuck this letter. I said to FAX it."

Upstate Underdog said...

I want flied lice for lunch after reading this.

the great bambi said...

okay that one flied lice, you wanta egg dlop soup? no? okay it be fye ten minaw

SonOfSpam said...

Hines musta loved halftime

"Flee Farrrin...isa rong day...rivin in Leseda..flee farrrin"

Marmatard said...

I am offended by this column.

*puts on blackface, takes a bite of watermelon*

Big Daddy Drew said...

Duck sauce soy sauce? Duck sauce soy sauce?

WHAT A BARGAIN!

quiet strength said...

+1 to futuremrs.

Reno 911 is great...

Bobby Steels said...

You terrk the box? Ret's see what's in the box! Nossing! Absorutery nossing! STUPID! Yoo so STU-PEEEEED!

/bangs gong

the great bambi said...

nossing in box? i'm...so...ronery... so ronery, so ronery and sadry arone

Tonzi said...

I found myself reading some of the lines out loud to get the full effect. My asian co-wolkel down harr no rike.

SDW said...

@UU:
It's "fried rice," you plick.

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

[goes back to the well

Aplliirrrr Foorrrrs!

/never gets old

Consigliari said...

Chopsticks. 89 cents. What a bargain for me.....I think I will buy some!

the great bambi said...

so an american, a mexican, and a chinese guy all decide to go camping, the American says, "i will bring the tent," the mexican says, "i will bring the food," the chinese guy says, "i will bring the supplies," so the American gets to camp and starts setting up the tents, the mexican gets there and starts a fire and puts on a pot of beans, it's startin to get dark and the American looks around and says, "where is that crazy chinese dude?" suddenly the chinese guy jumps out of the bushes and yells, "SUPPLIIIIIIIEEEEES"

ASmith said...

Mee rike tis brog merrry much. Mee give brog tree smirre.

I don't know what the hell I just typed.

Man Bear Pig said...

Deck da harrs wid barrs of harry, ra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.

+1 to The Christmas Story.


... and yeah, that commercial is racist as shit.

KosherSam said...

ROR!

Leaking Geek said...

Verry Frucking Frunny, roundeye!

You arr can go to Herr! To Herr!

Otto Man said...

... and yeah, that commercial is racist as shit.

And the other one, with an Apu-like Indian guy.

Both were apparently dreamed up by the CEO of the company. I can't wait until he makes his apology:

"Oh, me so solly you no likee my ads!"

devang said...

@otto man

As far as I know, the CEO of Sales Genie is Indian (dot, not feathers)

trevor said...

I hate myself for laughing my ass off at this.

stealofthedraft said...

Maybe we should have robster craws...

smurphette said...

@koshersam: +1

Otto Man said...

Looks like you're right, Devang. All the more bizarre.

romolovescock said...

i live right next to chinatown, and last night they were setting off fireworks ....really loudly. ....must have been good fireworks

i blame hines ward and his o so hilarious speech


you want the citttyy chicken?

chronic hobbit said...

When you see Arec Barrwin, you see the true ugriness of human nature.

Pepster said...

What the fruck's a frush?

larry b said...

Andrei Kirilenko MUST CRUSH YOU for perpetuating stereotypes about athletes with foreign backgrounds.

JAMMQ said...

What's that Scooby? You saw a ghost chasing us . . .

-Shaggy

Phony Gwynn said...

You know how much I'd pay to read this post?

Fee dowr beel! Fee dowr beel!

/Data

Ray said...

You God damn Mongorians! Quit knocking down my shitty warr!

Dr.VanNostren said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....Fuck and Yes on these comments!
Anyone seen Artie Lange's impression of a drunk Harry Carey talking about Chinamen?

NHZ said...

Being from Massachusetts, I'm quite confused. There are other races to make fun of?

The Pirate Sloth said...

Will Hines Ward be giving us all hugs on Sunday when we get out first taste of no-footballness?

John said...

This post was fricking hilarious.

However, you do know that you're opening up yourself up for a shot by the Massholes right? And by Massholes, I mean SuperMike4Ever.

MartinTheMerciless said...

Bigga Ben numbah 10. Me thourt he ruv me wrong time.

Christmas Ape said...

I don't give a shit about supermike. It was cathartic to post all of his gloating comments from the past few months following the Super Bowl, but engaging him only worsens the effect he has on the Deadspin threads. Besides, he claims he's only read this "tardblog" once, even though he's somehow always up on what we're writing.

larry b said...

Next time SuperMike comes around, we should just "sit back and try to enjoy it." That'll make things easier, just like it made watching the Patriots go 18-1 easier.

BEHM777 said...

I hate all of you for making me laugh so hard I pissed my good pants.

/Calls Mama-San

Rally Monkey Spanker said...

Hines Ward's blog is always ready in 10 15 minute. No matter when you call.

J.L. White said...

Chinese Guy: Get ready Sheila, this guy likes the act.....(puts on hat) Mistah Simspon, you good man, we happy see you!

Chinese Lady: You not come long time!

Chinese Guy: Come, sit, drinkee drinkee.

Chinese Lady: Where's Margie? She super lady!

SatanSmiling said...

I thought the Ang Lee link would be to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltT9dMGiFjI
"Don't make me Ang Lee, you won't like me when I'm Ang Lee"

Awful Chief said...

I most like how I struggle to read these at the beginning, but breeze through it at the end. And now I am stluggring go back to leggural.

Comicbook Guy said...

@Dr.VanNostren
+1
Artie Rules

Awkward Boner said...

Thank you Ping Pong.

My name is Craig.

Sure it is...