Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Emo Eagles Do Not Share Our Joy

mood: downcast :/
song: "Mad World" Michael Andrews

You mean to tell me all the other teams in the NFC East now have at least three Super Bowl titles and we have none?! Making the lacuna that is our trophy case all the more crushing, a void that stares back at you with mascara-lined eyes. This really very nearly curdles the arrival of the new Portishead album.

Why should I be happy for New York? Why should I be happy at all? It's antithetical to Iggles fandom. Next thing you tell me, sports should be something you enjoy rather than a reinforcement of your bleak worldview. I don't buy it.

Now, really. You guys didn't need to beat New England, did you? I mean, who does that? You did it our way the first time in the regular season by falling agonizingly short. Why bother doing a crazy thing like winning? We'd already dispatched Arlen Specter to sap their credibility. That's how you're supposed to hurt teams, with passive-aggressive assaults months after the fact.

To steal a phrase, their quarterback grew up against the Pats; our quarterback threw up. Meanwhile, the Mets just wrapped up the NL East by signing Johan Santana.

It's enough to make a guy brood silently and contemplate his mortality as it relates to the unfeeling universe.

[Sighs] Fucking Eagles.

31 comments:

Imperator Johannes said...

I thik you give Philly fans a little too much credit in the "ability to put a sentence together" department.

Tom Holzerman said...

I WAS QUOTED BY XMAS APE ON A REAL LIVE POST!!!!!1

*swoons*

Les Savy Ferd said...

Bills = the Eagles of the AFC East

*sighs*

85 said...

Fuck... being an Eagles fan does suck.

But suck it Ape, the Mets aren't winning shit. Don't tell anyone we discussed baseball here.

/chucks snowball at Santa Claus, batteries at JD Drew

Leaking Geek said...

Donovan McNabb DOES NOT approve of this message.

/Throws up in huddle

Biggus Rickus said...

tom h,

I'm not sure if that's a good thing, since the post would seem to imply that you're a whiny bitch.

naptown drew said...

These two look like the meth-cooking teacher and student from Breaking Bad on AMC.

/best show on TV right now

Chamomiles Davis said...

Thanks for reminding me what a depressing franchise I've chosen to support, Ape!

Bartender, I'll have what Mr. Ledger's having. And make it a double.

("/fucking eagles" = new t-shirt)

SDW said...

Breaking Bad is fucking FABULOUS. Fantastic television experience. Nice to know I'm not the only one watching it.

+1 Naptown

/threadjack

Awful Chief said...

We are nowhere and it's now

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

No one with a mustache that awesome can truly be sad.

/I've seen 1 ep of Breaking Bad and thought it was great, but I'm a douche so I never followed up on it.

naptown drew said...

@mexico

AMC is posting full episodes (1&2)here. Episode 2 is even better than the first.

NSFW

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

@Naptown - Thanks, my boss here at the Manhole is pretty understanding.

Otto Man said...

song: "Mad World" Michael Andrews

You know, there's a joke here to be made about "Donnie Darko" and McNabb, but Tommy from Quinzee just doesn't have the heart for it anymore.

Joe said...

OH FUCK YOU
I didn't realize that EVERY FUCKING TEAM in the division has 3 titles, to our (as Wilbon would say, squadouche). Oh well its not like we haven't won a title in 20+ years, oh wait!

/slits wrists (emo style)

romolovescock said...

oh cmonnn, this wasnt necessary. cant we all just...hate the giants and patriots? its hard enough being an eagles fan

/eats cheesesteak covered in tears

JAMMQ said...

Will Leitch in an alternate universe where he was born in Doylestown instead of Mattoon.

Mamula Blues said...

@cousins
I believe you are mistaken...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Pbfs2lYM2sQ

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

@mamula blues - He didn't feel bad, he felt emancipated.

/classic

futuremrsrickankiel said...

I feel like "No Joy in Mudville" by Death Cab would also be a fitting musical accompaniment to this post.

On another note, as Valentine's Day approaches, it would be most enjoyable to have some more posts ripping those saccharine jewelry commercials we're all subjected to in droves this time of year.

/not bitter I swear

Christmas Ape said...

That's a right fine idea, Futuremrs.

Otto Man said...

Ask and ye shall receive, FutureMrs.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Alas, I cannot partake of even the most delectable YouTube goodies at work, but I'll sneak a peek at that later...

The Disgruntled Chemist said...

The guy on the left looks more child molester-ish than emo, I think.

Les Savy Ferd said...

Bills = the Eagles of the AFC East


You just made me very sad.

BEHM777 said...

You know, the Eagles are kinda stinking up the NFC East as far as Super Bowl titles go. Maybe when the league realigned we should have kept the Cardsinals. I mean, what would be the difference? When WAS their last title? 1960?

Allen Iverson was the best football player in that city anyway.

BEHM777 said...

That is "Cardinals" in English (even though the way they play is a sin).

KitsuneStar said...

I think most of us Eagles fans have pretty much accepted the fact that we're not ever winning one.

Gonzo said...

Well, the Eagles won title in 48,49 and 60. Doesn't that count ?

Francisco said...

I'll not have you dismiss the new Portishead album that blithely, Sir.

KitsuneStar said...

@gonzo - Every time I've seen someone else make that argument, it gets shot down because it was pre-Super Bowl era. Ask any Giants, Cowboys, or Redskins fan and they'll repeat that mantra until their lips fall off.

Chamomiles Davis said...

@gonzo: Apparently the emergence of the Super Bowl automatically invalidated every championship won before then. (At least for those teams who've won a Super Bowl.)

/fucking Eagles