Thursday, February 28, 2008

It's About Damn Time These Baristas Got Their Ducks In A Row.

And not a moment too soon. I was growing weary of my tasty beverage alternative. Have you ever tried slurping whipped cream out of Keith Olbermann's asshole?

26 comments:

Moof! said...

Notice how Subway doesn't call their workers sandwich artists anymore?

The Republic of Uzbekistan said...

Keith Olbermann's asshole? Geez, that's kind of redundant...

We look forward to hearing more missives about Peter King here in Uzbekistan (where it is always wintertime!).

JAMMQ said...

Posted at 3:10 pm, huh?

This is approaching bukkake day territory.

Pemulis said...

i worked at a starbucks for a year or so in college. I have absolutely no idea what sort of retraining could possibly take more than 5 minutes.

Otto Man said...

All this media coverage, and they still didn't report on the real reason for the Starbucks' closings.

Otto Man said...

Posted at 3:10 pm, huh?

Apparently Punter lives on a pirate internet ship off the coast of the Canary Islands.

quiet strength said...

PK likes it with extra cream.

But he drinks his coffee black. Hiyo!

KC Cal said...

You know that a naked Brett Favre is going to pop out of that giant cup any second....

fallex said...

I always thought barista was Italian for "art school graduate."

futuremrsrickankiel said...

I always thought barista was Italian for "art school student taking some time off to live with her boyfriend, who's convinced her that she doesn't need 'classes' to express herself, man."

Fixed, and now perhaps deserving of a "more depressing than I intended" tag.

The Lazer said...

fmra, you forgot the part where they have the lip ring.

fallex said...

Anyone seen the Dunkin Donuts commercial where they say that you can order "in English, not Fritalian" -- I guess making fun of Starbucks usage of dumbass words for their menu items? Fine enough, but then the coffee product featured in the ad is a "Dunkin Latte." Genius.

The Last Unitard said...

No elderly farter? Not interested.

JZ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
futuremrsrickankiel said...

Fallex, I thought the EXACT same thing when I saw that commercial.

Pemulis said...

i thought that same thing as well. also, i get that its retarded to have names that arent small medium and large. but if you ask for any one of those sizes, they understand. no one has ever been like "say grande or no coffee for you, faggot!"

The Pirate Sloth said...

I'd totally buy a Dunkin Latte. Matter of fact, if I can even find a Dunkin here in Seattle, I'm going to buy their coffee simply because the person behind the counter would know what the fuck size a small, medium, or large is, instead of Tall, Grande, or Viente.

@ Moof! - they were called sandwich architects. As an architect, I took offense to that for a second. Then I just ate my sandwich.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Well now where I am supposed to loiter this afternoon, Panera here I come.

Jason said...

does small, medium, large even matter anymore since all the restaurants upgraded the sizes? what used to be a medium is now a small and what was once large is now medium. large is now a bathtub full of soda, and people wonder why American is overweight.

also, i told my girlfriend i was venti in the pants....

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Mmm... bathtub full of soda... just throw some scotch in there and I'd never leave the apartment.

Dickens Cider said...

Oh and Bill Belichick is a facking douchebag...oops was that off topic??

Umm let me tie this into a coffee discussion...here we go...They don't like their coffee DAHK in Baaston, nor do they like black people.

smurphette said...

@jammq/otto man: Or Ape taught Punter his nifty Deadspin time traveling trick.

BEHM777 said...

If I ever saw a Starbucks cup THAT big, I'd unload my Mossberg into it. Same goes for Peter King.

Caribou rules!

@otto

That Onion story is too close for comfort. I mean, what if...?

brick said...

In Boston a regular coffee has cream and sugar in it, since its not regulah to be dahk

Otto Man said...

That Onion story is too close for comfort. I mean, what if...?

What do you mean what if?

The Barista Hordes are coming, my friends. Join me in the hills! Join me for freedom!

hollywood wags said...

I'd like a medium coffee.

Grande?

Medium.

Grande?

Medium coffee.

Maybe they had to give their staff a little time to decompress from all the fucking coffee they drink, give them some time to clear their little minds.