Friday, February 1, 2008

KSK Celebrity Pickkake: Project Runway

The celebrity Super Bowl pick is a time-honored tradition, one we at KSK are super fucking excited to be a part of, as we have in the past. For the next two weeks, stars from the world of entertainment, politics, and more will drop by to make their picks for the big game in the Pink Taco! Up next, it's the cast of Project Runway!


Tim Gunn: Sooooo... talk to me people. How we doing? Super Bowl picks?


Christian: Patriots by 13. This pick is too fabulous to be wrong. I'm too fabulous to be wrong.

God that was easy. What's taking everyone so long?

(/gets beaten to death by people who weren't homophobic until they saw him)

Gunn: Amazing. Fabulous. Jillian?


Jillian: I don't know. I just don't know if I have time to make this pick. I think the score will be tied at ten after the first quarter, then a Patriots touchdown on a Randy Moss catch-and-run give them the lead before both teams turn it over on consecutive possessions, and I know I want the final result to be a Giants win outright, but now I don't know if I'm going to have the time to finish this insanely detailed prediction. I'm not sure if this is going to work out. Maybe if I can glue some touchdowns on Plaxico? Oh God I hope this works.


Rami: I think Jillian's pick is really daring. She's just a really talented prognosicator.

(/eye-fucks Jillian)

Jillian: (/blushes and smiles)

Rami: I tried to make my pick a little more sophisticated. I mean, there's a history of Super Bowl blowouts when an excellent team faces an outmatched opponent from a weaker conference. Niners-Chargers in XXIX, Redskins-Broncos in XXII, Niners-Broncos in XXIV. So I like the Pats by 30.

(/eye-fucks Jillian more)

Gunn: I like it. Daring.


Elisa: I took a bath in vinegar once. It put me in touch with my soul.


Ricky: I...

(/begins crying)


I didn't think picking a winner would be... so... hard.

(/wipes tears from face)

(/wears stupid fucking hat)


Sweet P: ...Giants by 20?

Gunn
: Oh no. Nonononononono. Sweet P. What. Are. You. Thinking?

Sweet P
: I thought it's kind of hip...

Gunn: Hippity-dippity, more like. Make it work!

Sweet P
: (/furiously reworks prediction)

(/new prediction still sucks)



Heidi Klum: Then we've reached our decision?

Patriots, you have won all of your 18 games so far this season. But your year was marred by a videotaping scandal that was completely unnecessary for a team of your talent. In addition, one of your key defensive players was suspended four games for using human growth hormone, and your fans are insufferable morons. We want you push the limits at Project Runway, but at times you have pushed them too far.

Giants, you've come a long way from where you started. The judges are impressed by your perseverance, but we're not sure you have the raw talent to survive a Super Bowl against a more talented, more experienced team with a far better coach.

(/dramatic pause)

Patriots, you're in. Giants, you're out. Auf Wiedersehen!

(/gets masturbated to)

45 comments:

Upstate Underdog said...

O.K., I get BDD watching Grey's Anatomy with the wife, but please explain C.C. who you are watching this crap with ? And yes, that was gayer than the Grey's Anatomy post

MWP said...

Chris: Who cares about the game? Tom Brady looks fabulous! Hehehehehehehe.

(/wipes sweat off fat brow)

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Agreed. Gayer.

Arizona really must be boring.

And yet, was pleasantly surprised to find that the end of this (gay) post contained an insightful analysis actually related to football. There's a game on Sunday, right?

/makes Jamboroo guacamole

Half Quart Shot said...

my new favorite slashie:

/gets masturbated to

Phony Gwynn said...

Niners-Broncos in XXIV

But ... the Broncos had the best scoring D that year! (And an offense sans Elway that would be washing dishes in ten years.)

Seriously, you had to make two of the three examples Broncos losses? I'd send you pictures of the Seahawks' loss, but I lost my camera.

JAMMQ said...

Did you guys lose a bet to the Ladies... again and think nobody would notice?

Captain Caveman said...

You know, just because I'm unmarried doesn't mean that I don't have to watch TV with the woman in my life.

What can I say, my mom likes Tim Gunn.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Heidi in short skirts at the perfect weight, smoking hot young unidentified models, and laughing at all the incredible flamingness makes for EXTREMELY heterosexual viewing.

devang said...

OK CC, we get the "don't ask don't tell" policy.

smurphette said...

So, Mrs. Drew likes this show, too, huh?

Rusty said...

I don't anyone who has watched an episode of Project Runway without enjoying it. It's the best reality show on the planet.

So, yes, way less gay. I don't know any dudes (gay or otherwise) who watch Grey's. I know plenty of good meat-eating, red-blooded, vagina-pounding American males who watch Runway.

Upstate Underdog said...

You make a good argument BDD, I might have to check it out, but with the sound off.

Les Savy Ferd said...

love the post--hilarious. Embarrassed by the fact that i know these people well enough to realize your tone and delivery is spot on, but probably not embarrassed enough.

don't watch grey's so i can't compare the two, but I'd guess this is FAR less gay.

Pemulis said...

what's sad is i read this and immediately thought "oh, does this mean that fat gay dudehas been eliminated since he's not featured here?"

and what's sadder is that i'm still curious. if he and christian had their own reality show it might be the funniest thing on the planet(unicorn).

JohnDewar said...

This is the show I am forced watch with my wife as a result of monopolizing the TV every weekend from September to the beginning of February. To my surprise and horror, I find it entertaining.

Does any woman bounce back after a pregnancy than Heidi? Seal is a lucky dude...(considering it looks like someone put out cigars on his face)

85 said...

I had been wondering who Sarah Jessica Barbaro and the hags from Desperate Housewives were picking. No worries anymore, though. I'll just stop back around 2:00.

Jay said...

Way less gay and remarkably spot-on.

Wait, saying spot-on is gay, isn't it. Fuck.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Depends on whether you say it normally, or with your hat tilted at a rakish angle and a twinkle in your eye.

Can the next TV show to give a pick be an episode of Intervention?

Otto Man said...

I now eagerly await Christmas Ape's take on the Lifetime Movie of the Week and Flubby's tribute to Helen Reddy.

Seriously -- sack up, boys.

Otto Man said...

Also, regarding the second photo -- someone needs to tell Tina Fey that new haircut isn't working.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Peter makes Brett watch this show too.

Ken Dynamo said...

im trying to think of something lamer to watch but cant. gossip girls?

i am also awaiting the posts to be sacked up.

Captain Caveman said...

With the way you commenters bitch about everything, I thought you'd identify with a bunch of gay men.

Seriously, lighten the fuck up. Fags.

smurphette said...

The Grey's Anatomy post and this one are hilarious. KSK is the Gay Mafia. I see nothing out of joint. If you complainers aren't careful, they might screw you over with the Friday cheerleader post . . .

Phony Gwynn said...

I'd like to point out that I didn't bitch about the show, just the singling out of the Donkeys.

Because I agree whole-heartedly with BDD - when I've watched it, this show's as entertaining as hell.

And Heidi is hot, engaged to Scarface or not.

quiet strength said...

Hey, Elisa was was voted off, how come she gets a Super Bowl pick? What about Chris?

Wait...I didn't just say that...nevermind...

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

This doesn't not even rate in the top ten gayest post on KSK. I am still trying to block out the images of the Peter King / Brett Farve tryst from last yr.

Ken Dynamo said...

im not a fag, but im pretty sure this guy keeps sucking my cock is.

naptown drew said...

@chris(bessmervin)

Why does it seem like the gayest posts are the best? My personal favorite is PK engulfed in the Romolotion. Maybe my subconsciousness is trying to tell me something...

Hercules Rockefeller said...

The Donks were the favorite in XXII. About a TD favorite if my smashed kneecaps are remembering correctly.

Robert Ullman said...

This was my favorite bit:

(/gets beaten to death by people who weren't homophobic until they saw him)

My wife is a loyal viewer, so every week I catch the last ten or so minutes as I get ready for bed. I'd like to like it, 'cuz it actually measures talent rather'n who can be the bigger dick or who's the most annoying...but it's just too fucking flaming! It drives me nuts. And I'm a dude who thinks two dudes should be able to get married and adopt kids!

Jake said...

Really? The fashion reality TV show? Shouldn't you be saying Brady is teh gay instead of proclaiming your own need for asbestos furniture?

SlickBomb said...

I never seen an episode of Project Runway, and I thought that was fucking amazing.

Leaking Geek said...

The preening, insufferable models-
The unabashed gayness as artform-

Not sure what affect it has on my heterosexuality, but must..watch..like...a...train...wreck.

/Cuts up Man Card, Self-immolates

Otto Man said...

Seriously, lighten the fuck up. Fags.

Rrrrrrooww!

Watch out, boys! This kitten's got claws!

Manas said...

If watching Project Runway makes you "gay" then what does watching the latest incarnation of Janice Dickinson's Modeling Agency make you?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

A necrophiliac.

Otto Man said...

+ 1 to the Mrs.

Gern said...

Christian would say "fierce". My wife and I watch every lame piece of reality tv and project runway is actually good. As for Grey's Anatomy? No fucking way. I tried it at the beginning and couldn't handle it, but for some reason my dad watches it with my mom. I think they're both getting angrily super-gay with each passing year and that shitty show is proof.

smurphette said...

@otto: The best Ufford is an angry Ufford.

@futuremrs: Well played :)

Brian said...

Hey, back off of CC. It's takes a lot of courage to come out to your friends.

We still love you, man.

swing4 said...

You know, just because I'm unmarried doesn't mean that I don't have to watch TV with the woman in my life.

Jean Gray to Stella: At least yours masturbates to human females on the TV.

BEHM777 said...

Grey's Anatomy then Project Runway? I got beat to the Lifetime reference, but oh well. This stuff is deadly and has the added effect of making my wife think I am even more brain addled than she normally does when she sees what I am laughing so hard at. Too bad Flavor of Love 3 isn't already on!

BeckEye said...

My only criticism is that you made Rami kind of straight, when he's clearly gay. (Well, maybe he's bi-curious.) The only purely straight guy on the show (Kevin) got auf'd.

Otherwise, this is brilliant. Especially Ricky and his fucking crying spells. And that last monologue - I can actually HEAR Heidi saying it in her dramatic sexy-Nazi accent.

Laura said...

Ok... I was led to this site through Pajiba, stayed because of the Philip Rivers skits, and now I think I'm officially in love. This was hilarious! Look forward to the KSK post-SuperBowl wrap up.

And I agree, Pemelus... I so wish Chris and Christian would have their own show. It would definitely set new records for fierce fabulousness.