Sunday, February 3, 2008

And It All Comes Down to Douche

Or at least it will after another eight-hour hype injection.

We've had more than a sneaking suspicion all along that it might come to this, and now we're at least hoping for a mercifully competitive game out of these two teams. And at least one mildly amusing commercial wouldn't hurt either. Because we don't get another meaningful football game for another seven goddamn months and I'm not quite ready to deal with that.

Either way, history is tied to New England today. If they win, they're the first 19-0 team ever in the NFL. If they lose, it's the Greatest Choke Job of All-Time. A Giants win is an inspiring and unlikely title run, but ultimately replicating a feat the Steelers pulled off two years earlier. And Pey-Pey and Eli have something to go with their matching decoder rings.

Enjoy whatever boozy party you happen to visit. If you're gonna drive drunk, make sure to mow down any celebrating Pats fans you might see in the street. No worries; no jury will convict you.

29 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

Leonard Little thinks it's wrong to make light of drunk driving.

He's cool with drunk driving itself though.

BEHM777 said...

Hail to the Redskins!

SpikeLeaveMeAlone said...

Funny..I pegged Elisha & Pey-Pey to have Planeteer rings--with Peyton having a cool power like fire, and Eli being stuck with heart..

Laughing Week said...

So wait, your post says that no jury will convict me, but the tag says a jury WILL convict me... I don't know what to believe!

Spud Randall said...

Best booze party = Super Gras Mardi Bowl. Wassup Rocker?

Christmas Ape said...

Well, a jury will convict you, unless I'm on it.

twoeightnine said...

I wouldn't convict you, I'd give you a medal.

SlideShow Bob said...

How can u jinx both teams equally, im pretty sure theres no way that both teams get disqualified and the Steelers someone win the game.

Christmas Ape said...

Who said I was trying to jinx the teams equally?

dickey simpkins said...

If I was a daaahkie living in New England, I would not venture outside tonight.

hi there mary said...

i'd rather run over pats fans sober. it guarantees i won't miss and i'll remember it. what a waste to bowl them over when you're blacking out.

Kyle321N said...

@ SpikeLeaveMeAlone

Cooper would actually get the best power. But your right Eli always gets stuck with heart.

Punch Rockgroin said...

Two words:

Justifiable homicide.

Brady's a douchebag said...

PK will be in the winning locker room to suck the winning QB's dick. He'll take an hour off from Favre for this honor.

SpikeLeaveMeAlone said...

@kyle321n

You're right. Cooper would get the best power by virtue of having a bye in the Oreo Double Stuf Racing League Playoffs...

Robut M. Nixon said...

Come on, Ape...the Giants beating the Pats tonight is nowhere NEAR the feat that the Steelers accomplished by defeating the Seahawks 2 years ago.

Christmas Ape said...

I meant as in winning three road games en route to winning the Super Bowl.

FOX announcer: "Troy Aikman down on the field getting deep inside information with Joe Buck"

I'll bet he is! HEY-OOOH!

Tracer Bullet said...

I have decided I am rooting less for a team than a specific result. To wit: I want the Patriots to win, but only on some hideous, obvious, horribly unjust call. I want Moss to catch the game-winner only after taking a bat to the CB's leg or Brady to be granted at TD after obviously fumbling before the goal line (with the Giants recovering, natch). I'd also like Manning to get knocked out of the game by a cheap shot early so Giants fans will always cry, "We could have won if Vrable hadn't pile-drived our QB 30 yards behind the play." I want Pats fans to have their perfect season, but I want them to know it was a hollow victory so they can never enjoy it. I want 19-0 to exist only as a mark of neverending shame and embarassment.

My Insignificant Life said...

Two More Words:

Mercy Killing

Leaking Geek said...

@Hi There Mary...

American Sober or Irish Sober?

Pale Writer said...

The Patriots are only allowed to win if at the exact moment the game ends, every member of the '72 Dolphins drops dead. If someone could promise me that, I will root against Elisha.

SpikeLeaveMeAlone said...

I'm honestly interested in the Super Bowl more because, of the Mercury Morris interview that'll be on First Take, whether the Pats' win or lose. It'll actually give me a reason to tune into the show. That, and the ever-present possibility that Dana Jacobsen could give a repeat performance...

Grimey said...

re-sil-ien-cy (n): a word no one on the Giants can spell

BEHM777 said...

18-1 ain't so bad, right Bill? Bill? Hey Bill!!!

*snicker*

brad said...

Dear Rodney HGHarrison,

On behalf of all the people who have ever known you, FUCK YOU!!

larry b said...

THEY DIDN'T THROW TAH WELKAH ENOUGH!

SpikeLeaveMeAlone said...

Fuck, now I have to hear Mercury Morris' mouth for another year...But I don't have to hear from Massholes for awhile so I guess it's not so bad

Drave said...

Why didn't they let Doug "Mush Mouth" Williams speak? He clutched that Lombardi Trophy like it was his last bottle of Cold Cock Malt Liquor.

Jackin'4Beats said...

"History is tied to New England today. If they win, they're the first 19-0 team ever in the NFL. If they lose, it's the Greatest Choke Job of All-Time."
- Christmas Ape

Well said Ape and too true. BTW, FACK ALL THE MASSENGILLS SIDEWAYS WITH AN INTERLOCKING NY.